Egg Rage #BlogBattle #writing #flashfiction #humour

These fierce blog battles are organised by the super talented Rachael Ritchey.

This week the word is ‘Rage’

Here is the Blondewritemore entry:

 

5421304328_747c622504

“Jeffrey!” barked Priscilla the egg, frowning at the sight of Jeffrey, her egg partner. He was deeply engrossed in a conversation with the pretty looking egg, sat behind him in the egg box.

Jeffrey spun around in his egg box holder. “Oh Priscilla, there you are, I am afraid I have something to say…” he faltered.

“Go on” said Priscilla.

“I can’t keep this from you anymore. I have strong feelings for Susie behind me” whimpered Jeffrey. “We’ve been having an egg affair”

Priscilla gasped loudly. Silence descended upon the egg box. All hand drawn egg eyes focused on Priscilla who was staring at Jeffrey.

Sensing trouble Jeffrey turned away from Priscilla to face Susie, the egg he had fallen in love with.

He was attracted to Susie’s sweet hand drawn face. It was so different to the harsh face that had been given to Priscilla. Susie’s face was curvy, inviting and smiley, Priscilla’s face was angry, stern and filled with harsh lines.

Things had changed in the egg box when someone had drawn a face onto every egg.

Susie whispered “hang in there Jeffrey my love, it will work out.” Her positive words filled him with a sense of dread.

“Priscilla’s rage is not something you want to experience Susie. It will get messy” whispered Jeffrey. 

“Rubbish Jeffrey, how angry can one medium sized, free range egg get?” asked Susie.

Jeffrey let out a yelp at Susie’s question.

“I mean what’s the worst she can do?” scoffed Susie.

Jeffrey stared at Susie’s pretty face, such a beautiful looking egg but not very egg wise, he thought.

Priscilla cleared her throat making Jeffrey jolt with shock and spin back round.

“How long has this affair been going on Jeffrey?” Priscilla demanded.

“Not long” he mumbled thinking back to the day their egg faces had been drawn on.

“Was it you or her that started it?” demanded Priscilla giving Susie an icy stare.

Jeffrey gulped with fear at the sight of Priscilla’s angry slitty eyes.

“Not sure” mumbled Jeffrey.

“I don’t know why I am asking this but there is something I need to know” said Priscilla, “has it got physical between you both?”

Jeffrey winced at her question and said  quickly “I have felt her egg shell against my egg shell” 

The egg box was suddenly filled with gasps and murmurs at his admission.

“JEFFREY – you told me that you only ever wanted to feel my shell against your egg shell” screeched Priscilla.

Jeffrey gulped before saying  “I did Priscilla – but Susie and her shell caught me at a low egg moment”

Priscilla gave out a little gasp before saying “my egg insides are turning at this torrid news, I pity the poor person who is going to either boil or fry me tonight.”

Susie leant into the back of Jeffrey’s shell. “Hang in there Jeffrey, I thought she would have cracked by now” she whispered.

“She hasn’t started yet Susie” whispered Jeffrey. “This is nothing for Priscilla”

Priscilla took a deep breath before saying “I am so cross with you right now Jeffrey” she said. “After all that we went through together in the hen house, you go and do this to me”

Jeffrey felt consumed by guilt. “I am so sorry Priscilla” he mumbled.

“I had a headache last night Jeffrey but I still listened to your egg problems. What do I get in return? You telling me you have been having an egg affair with that…..cheap looking egg behind you” spat Priscilla starting to wobble with anger.

There were more gasps from the eggs in the back row.

“Jeffrey tell her what you told me” urged Susie. 

Priscilla gasped. 

Jeffrey cried out as though he was in agony. The egg box suddenly felt like a very small place.

“Jeffrey tell her, if you don’t I will!” shouted Susie.

Everyone in the egg box seemed to shout “No!” at once to Susie.

Ignoring the other eggs Susie took a deep breath and said “he says your shell feels a bit rough Priscilla”

The egg box went silent. All hand drawn eyes fixed onto Priscilla who let out a piercing scream. It was so loud it caused Bernard, the old egg at the end, to crack. Bernard groaned as yoke seeped out of his shell.

“Oh I am so sorry Bernard” said Priscilla looking at Bernard.

Jeffrey turned back to Susie. “Do you SEE what she is capable of?” he screeched.

“Calm down Jeffrey, Bernard’s shell was old. He must have been expecting it to crack soon” said Susie.

“JEFFREY!” boomed Priscilla causing Francis the egg next to her to crack.

“Oh for goodness sake!” cried Priscilla. “Francis I am so sorry” said Priscilla. Francis groaned.

“Susie this is not good” cried Jeffrey staring in horror at Francis’s broken shell. “I told you it wouldn’t end well, we should never have told her about us”

“You are doing a great job, just think once this is over we can touch egg shells” said Susie.

“That offer of yours got me into this mess in the first place” whimpered Jeffrey.

“JEFFREY!” yelled Priscilla, causing Jeffrey to yelp and Margaret’s shell to crack.

“Oh Margaret I am so sorry” said Priscilla. “I don’t know whether you are aware but Jeffrey and I are having a few relationship issues”.

Priscilla turned her attention to Jeffrey making him shift uncomfortably in the egg box. “Does my shell feel a bit rough Jeffrey?” she demanded.

All the eggs in the back row started to fidget nervously. They sensed danger.

“Yes Priscilla” whimpered Jeffrey, he knew he couldn’t lie to her.

Priscilla let out an egg curdling scream. The egg box was suddenly filled with a loud splintering sound as the entire back row of eggs all cracked simultaneously. A chorus of groans filled the egg box.

“Oh gosh I am so sorry guys” shouted Priscilla, “I don’t know what came over me”

Susie shrieked “she’s cracked my shell!”

Jeffrey screamed in fright.

“That will teach you for messing with my beloved egg” said Priscilla.

“Susie, I did try to tell you, for a medium sized free range egg Priscilla has quite a temper”

Priscilla glared at Susie.

“Priscilla I’ve cracked too” said Jeffrey in a quiet voice.

On seeing her beloved Jeffrey nursing a crack Priscilla screamed so loud all the remaining unharmed eggs in the box cracked.

She then exploded into a million tiny pieces of shell and yoke which coated her ex egg partner Jeffrey.

The End

For noting: be careful on your choice of egg face for your eggs, you never know what sort of chaos you might kick off in the egg box πŸ™‚

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/56294661@N05/5421304328″>Unwilling Eggs 2</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</

Posted by

I am a blonde writer of romantic comedy fiction.

47 thoughts on “Egg Rage #BlogBattle #writing #flashfiction #humour

  1. Lucy, I had no idea you were capable of such violence. You’ve really come out of your shell. I really don’t know how you thought of this. If I have to write about eggs, it’ll be their trip from the hen house to the quiche I’m making! Love it…it really cracks me up! Good grief, I can’t seem to stop with the egg jokes…

  2. If this doesn’t crack everyone up — oops, like the eggs in the story — I don’t know what will. This is deliciously hilarious and now I’ve no doubt what happens inside my egg carton when I close the fridge door. You see, some of the eggs were cracked. Must have been some fight and they didn’t even have faces drawn on. How did they recognize each other. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  3. I am a horrible person, I couldn’t stop laughing when Bernard groaned as yoke seeped out of his shell. Who knew an egg carton contained such drama, LOL. Great Story πŸ˜€

      1. Oh no! I cannot like this at all. 😦 Good news is you won the blog battle. Everything else pales in compare! j/k!! I hope your day gets better. πŸ™‚

      2. I am busy writing πŸ™‚ Car sorted after two hours at the garage, daughter is nervous for Friday’s violin exam and I am calmer…
        Thx for asking IBFF – is your world calm?

      3. Well, kids are laying on my friend’s bed watching Wild Kratts, being a little crazy, singing along to the theme song. I’m holding a poodle and checking social media, thinking I should now be writing instead. πŸ™‚ I wanted to check back on you, though!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s