There are many things you will learn whilst being raised by a blonde writer mummy:
- Your blonde writer mummy will come into her own when it comes to English and Art homework. On other subjects you will learn to ask others.
- Your blonde writer mummy will lecture you about spending too much time online. You will learn to accept that she will regularly go on about her late night online conversations with her international blog followers.
- Your blonde writer mother’s mood swings will be connected to her writing. You will learn that when she has her head placed in her hands and is sobbing at the kitchen table, it’s because her fictional character has finally died and passed over, not because she argued with your father.
- Your blonde writer mummy will be easier to get money out of whilst she is nibbling cheese. You will learn to approach her with cheese.
- Your blonde writer mummy will ask you to read her short stories whilst you are stuck in queues, traffic jams or relaxing on the beach. You will learn to nod, smile and pretend to read them to keep her happy.
- Your blonde writer mummy will look distant a lot. You will learn that when she looks like this she is deep in creative thought. If anyone asks you whether your mother is ok (ref: the distant look) you will find yourself saying “she’s a writer!”
- Your blonde writer mummy will drag you into her debut novel-writing soap opera. You will learn to live through the highs and lows of her second, third and twentieth drafts. It is emotionally draining for the entire family, including her beloved cat, who feels the need to be cuddled a lot by the blonde woman up the street.
- Your blonde writer mummy will be seen doing cartwheels and heard squealing in the garden after she has had a brilliant new idea for a story. You will learn to appreciate these rare moments of literary happiness.
- Your blonde writer mummy will struggle with things like cooking, sewing, ironing, washing and knitting. You will learn that she has other strengths. Sigh!
- Your blonde writer mummy’s fictional characters will feel like family relatives to you.
Happy writing folks!
photo credit: Upsplash