Here is my take on a job description for a writer.
Vacancy – Writer
Writer needed to join the millions of other writers around the world.
About The Role
Hours: Can vary each week and are dependent upon number of new ideas for stories, writing confidence levels, social media activity, reading binges and coffee consumption.
Location: Home based, although access to a coffee shop and a book shop will be required.
Key Duties / Responsibilities:
- Will need to be able to talk to characters in their head a lot.
- Will need to get carried away with their plot or characters.
- Will need to be able to write stuff that doesn’t make sense on paper but does in their head.
- Will need the capacity to stare into space a lot.
- Will need to be able to give their own work savage criticism and to accept savage criticism from others.
- Will need to be able to daydream a lot about writing a best seller.
- Will need to be able to operate across all forms of social media.
- Will be able to take regular naps. Sleeping on the job is vital.
- Will need to read a lot.
- Imaginative use of reasons for not doing any writing is vital.
- Imaginative use of plots, characters and long words will be needed.
- Will need to possess a good working understanding of Amazon Book Chart, Reviews and Rankings.
- You will have known that you are different to others for many years.
- You will have a degree in Creative Thoughts and be regarded as a very creative person by family and close friends.
- You will get strong urges to write every now and then. You will also get strong urges not to write.
- You will be able to cry over the quality of your writing at a moment’s notice.
- You will possess a strong desire to reach out to other creative souls on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.
- You will enjoy working on your own.
- You will be able to accept brutal feedback on your work from others with a gracious smile.
- You will be highly experienced in listening to the conversations of strangers.
- You will love a bit of drama.
- Non-writers will perceive you as ‘weird’ and ‘a bit odd’ but you won’t care.
- You will have an addiction to purchasing notebooks.
- You will love all forms of literary pain – editing, rewriting and grammar rules.
- You will love spotting typos.
Salary: It can vary. Most of us do it for free – sigh!
- People will refer to you as the ‘next J.K.Rowling’ a lot.
- You can hang around in coffee shops for hours under the pretence of being a ‘writer’.
- You can loiter around book shops sniffing paper backs and pointing out to strangers where your future book will go on the shelf.
- You can start a writing blog and make out you are a fancy writer.
- You can use the following hashtags in your tweets #amwriting #writers and #bestsellingauthor.
- You can spend all day on social media and not feel guilty as you are a writer.
We look forward to hearing from you!