Once upon a time in fairy tale land, there was a lonely prince who was struggling to find a girl to marry.
His problem was that he didn’t like any of the sweet-natured and nice girls that his courtiers were advising him to wed, as they all seemed a bit dull.
He couldn’t see himself living happily ever after with a wife who agreed with everything he said, laughed at all his jokes, sang to the birds in the trees every morning and had no sense of humour. His courtiers explained to him that this type of wife had been trending for centuries in fairy tale circles.
He announced that he wanted to break from fairy tale tradition and do something different. This made all his courtiers gasp and cast worried looks in his direction. He carried on to say that he had spent years conforming with fairy tale traditions and being a prince was actually quite boring. Everyone was so serious around him and the word ‘fun’ no longer existed inside his castle.
Everyone in his court stared in horror as he announced that he was going to marry a girl who was wild, rebellious and exciting. This was apparently what his dull noble life needed.
After exhausting the usual fairy tale methods of finding a wife; throwing a fancy ball, dancing with every single girl and checking their feet for glass slippers, the prince turned to a more modern approach.
He consulted a wise old fairy who told him about a new ‘fairy tale land online dating app’ called ‘Cinder’ which apparently guaranteed to find him true love in just a ‘couple of swipes on a mobile phone.’
The guarantee of true love in a couple of swipes didn’t sound believable. How could a dating app make such a bold claim he wondered? The wise old fairy told him not to doubt the power of ‘Cinder’. It was the closest thing to dating magic and it was putting hundreds of fairy godmothers out of business.
She explained that in order for it to work he would have to fully embrace ‘Cinder’. He became nervous and anxious at this. Turning to this modern way of finding romance was like embarking on a journey to a strange and mysterious new land. Who knows what he might find lurking on a dating app called ‘Cinder’?
After a sleepless night he decided to follow the wise old fairy’s advice. He cancelled all his royal duties so that he could spend the day embracing ‘Cinder’. His time was spent attempting to take the perfect selfie for his ‘Cinder’ dating profile. Several courtiers tried to tell him that once girls saw his title the selfie wouldn’t matter, but he didn’t listen to them.
After several hours of posing, editing, selecting the right light filter and cropping he uploaded his ‘Cinder’ profile pic. He then specified what sort of girl he was looking for by ticking the following preference boxes; rebellious, unruly, wild, saucy, with sparkle and mischief. His courtiers raised their eyebrows and one could be overheard saying “why doesn’t his Royal Highness just tick the ‘your worst nightmare’ box?”.
The next day he cancelled a pressing engagement with a King from a faraway land and dedicated the day to swiping through possible ‘wife’ candidates on ‘Cinder’.
He didn’t have to swipe for very long as, to his surprise, after only a couple of swipes, he came across Lady Isabella from a neighbouring kingdom. There was something about her which he liked. She described herself as a ‘wild woman’ and when he read this he experienced a little rush of excitement deep inside him.
He still doubted the power of ‘Cinder’ but he was running out of marital options and his fairy tale kingdom was growing impatient with him. A new online poll suggested that his kingdom considered his ongoing bachelor status more troubling than the threat of war, famine and disease.
He consulted with the wise old fairy on what he should do next. She advised him to make contact with Lady Isabella. So he sent her an introductory email, going into detail about his hobbies, interests and a sample of some of his own poetry. Once he sent it he waited for a response. As he was a prince he expected Lady Isabella to follow royal email protocol and reply within seconds.
She replied ten days later. Her response was not what he expected and raised a few eyebrows from his courtiers. It read ‘not interested!’
He quickly summoned Lady Isabella to come and stay at his castle, as he liked the tone of her response. No one had ever spoken to him like that and no woman had ever turned him down.
Four days later she arrived on a magnificent black horse. He met her in the court-yard. She was a real beauty with a mass of blonde hair which framed her delicate face. His heart sank, she didn’t look like a ‘wild woman’, in fact she looked just like the sweet-natured girls his courtiers had been advising him to marry. Maybe the ‘Cinder’ guarantee wasn’t to be believed?
A week later and all his doubts about Lady Isabella and ‘Cinder’ had vanished. Her shenanigans were the talk of the kingdom. She held wild all night parties in his castle, filled his royal court with whoopee cushions, rode his royal horse ragged, told saucy jokes over tankards of royal beer and played non stop pranks on him.
The royal courtiers demanded that the prince should reconsider the sweet-natured girls for the role of his wife but the prince refused. Lady Isabella was a handful but the mischievous glint in her eye made his heart race, her refusal to be quiet in court gave him butterflies and the tricks she played on him involving buckets of rotten veg and horse dung made him smile.
After one week he had actually started to enjoy himself and he put this down to Lady Isabella. She was also coming round to the idea of a spot of romance with him as he had received a couple of saucy winks from her, during his banquet last night.
The wise old fairy was commended for her dating advice.
He had been wrong to doubt the power of ‘Cinder’ and now he could look forward to a life of non-stop excitement with Lady Isabella.
Three months later the prince broke Royal fairy tale tradition and divorced Lady Isabella. He was quoted as saying ‘too much romantic excitement can be a bad thing’, as he stood amongst the burnt out ruins of his castle covered in horse dung.
These blog battles are organised by the one and only Rachael Ritchey. The link to her blog can be found here if you wish to join us!
This week’s word was shenanigans.
The genre was fairy tale.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/55942748@N05/21812917460″>Serenity</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>