Welcome to my weekly blog comedy series – The Writing Club.
This series follows the emotional highs and lows of a local writing club, who meet regularly at Alfie’s Coffee Shop.
Matt, Writing Club leader, was sat talking to Alfie, as the Writing Club members entered the coffee shop.
‘Tell me honestly Alfie?’ asked Matt in a low voice. ‘Do you think we are a bit crazy? I worry about how we come across.’
The coffee shop owner remained silent.
‘I know what it must look like but we are just a bunch of passionate writers’ said Matt, rubbing his stubble clad chin. ‘We might be a bit excitable but we are all harmless.’
Alfie nodded and walked away whistling.
Suzy, the thriller writer, walked up to the table and slumped down into her chair. She had returned to the Writing Club after a month away.
‘Welcome back Suzy!’ cried Matt. It was always great to see a member return.
Sadly the newcomer Rick had not returned and had not replied to any of Matt’s emails.
‘Yes I’m back’ said Suzy, her flat tone and loud exhale prompted all writers to turn their heads in her direction.
‘How is the novel coming along?’ Matt asked Suzy.
‘I have been rejected by six agents’ said Suzy quietly whilst staring into her black coffee.
‘I am sorry to hear that’ said Stacey, the apocalyptic horror writer pinning up her long blonde hair. She failed to notice Matt staring longingly at her.
‘I have never been rejected by anyone in my life’ said Suzy, shaking her long black hair in dismay.
Everyone watched her pretty round face crumple and her bright blue eyes glisten with tears.
‘I thought my book was going to be a best seller’ she said placing her head in her hands.
‘We have all been there!’ said Darcy, the Chick Lit writer, giving Suzy’s shoulder a gentle rub.
‘I had vivid dreams about my book winning prizes!’ Suzy exclaimed, her face reddening.
‘We’ve all had those’ soothed Darcy.
‘Everyone in my family has been telling me for years that I am wordy‘. cried Suzy raising her hands into the air.
‘I hate it when family do that!’ said Darcy. ‘As soon as a family member labels you wordy that’s it, you are expected to write a best seller!’
‘Terrible label’ moaned Moira, the romantic fiction writer, shaking her mass of tight grey curls.
‘It’s so cruel how one little word can start a lifetime of literary pressure!’ exclaimed Darcy.
‘I’ve never been labelled wordy‘ murmured Tina, slowly extending her arm towards the plate of cookies.
‘There must have been a mistake. Those agents were not supposed to reject me!’ exclaimed Suzy, shaking off Darcy’s hand from her arm.
‘Rewrite it and send it back out’ said Matt.
‘I don’t think I can Matt’ said Suzy. ‘I didn’t take the rejection very well!’
‘Speak to me if you need some tips on handling rejection’ said Tina, causing Karl, the comedy writer, to laugh.
‘Tina you’re not the best person to talk about handling rejection’ said Karl, raising his cup to his lips.
Tina glared at him. ‘I am very good at dealing with rejection Karl!’ she said before pulling across the plate of cookies towards her.
‘Hang on, you quit writing after your first and only rejection letter’ said Darcy, grinning at Tina.
‘Yes that’s true’ asked Tina biting a chunk out of a large cookie.
‘And you took down your blog, author website and all your social media sites the next day’ said Karl.
‘Yes I did’ said Tina, in between mouthfuls.
‘And you had a bonfire in your back garden and burnt all your writing folders that evening’ said Darcy.
‘Yes, true’ said Tina, wiping crumbs away from her mouth.
‘And you gave your entire bookcase to the charity shop’ said Karl.
Tina nodded. ‘Yes but I never let the pain of rejection take over my life!’
‘You were a nightmare to be around for months and then you dumped your boyfriend because he said the agent might have had a point’ said Darcy.
Tina let out a loud sigh. ‘As I said Suzy I am very experienced at handling rejection!’
An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. Richard edged his chair away from Tina to move closer to Suzy and Matt fidgeted in his seat.
‘So what next Suzy?’ asked Darcy.
‘I can’t go back to those literary agents’ said Suzy, shaking her head.
‘You just need to get your confidence back’ piped up Moira.
‘I can’t do it!’ said Suzy, shaking her head.
‘Why not?’ asked Matt.
‘I told you I didn’t take rejection very well’ mumbled Suzy, fiddling with the corner of her notebook.
‘Did you cry over a bottle wine?’ asked Karl.
‘Some agents didn’t return my calls’ mumbled Suzy.
‘You rang them?’ asked Karl, looking shocked.
‘I argued with the ones I got through to’ said Suzy. ‘It wasn’t my best move!’
‘Ok let’s move on’ said Matt, sensing trouble.
‘You will get over it’ said Karl, ignoring Matt’s wishes.
‘Karl I won’t get over it! No one rejects me!’ hissed Suzy, banging her fist down on the table. Richard let out a gasp and quickly moved his chair back to Tina.
‘Suzy you have just given me a great idea for my next novel!’ cried Stacey, scribbling away at pace.
‘What’s the idea?’ asked Darcy.
‘Crazed writer goes on a murder spree after getting rejected!’ announced Stacey cheerfully.
‘Where do you get your weird ideas from Stacey?’ asked Tina shaking her head in amazement.
‘I feel kind of odd’ mumbled Suzy, gripping the table and staring into space.
‘I will not be rejected by anyone!’ she whispered, causing Richard to let out a loud gasp and Moira to pull a reluctant Karl towards her.
Suzy rose from her chair and headed for the door.
‘Oh my goodness this is great novel fodder! Just look at her!’ shrieked Stacey furiously writing on her pad.
Matt cast a worried glance at Alfie who simply shook his head.
There will be more next week from The Writing Club.
For more Writing Club please click here.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/15967892@N04/2659584605″>Just one coffee</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>