The Trouble With Eva #blogbattle #thriller #fiction


‘Rach wake up!’ cried a familiar voice.

I struggled to stir from my dark sweaty dream.

‘Please wake up!’ 

I prised open one heavy eye lid. No one stood in front of me. Keeping my head on the pillow I reached behind to feel my husband’s side of the bed.

‘Pete’ I murmured. My hand felt a cold and empty space.

‘Over here!’  The voice had a female owner.

I turned my head and followed the voice.

‘What the…’ I muttered, frantically rubbing my eyes whilst scrambling to sit up.

Eva, my best friend, was stood staring back at me, from the corner of the room.

‘Eva’ I gasped. ‘You….you’re here!’

‘Hey Rach’ she replied, giving me a small wave. ‘I’m back’.

I watched as she stepped into a shaft of pale light, poking through a tear in the blind. A thin smile spread across her face.

I pinched myself hard. 

‘I know we didn’t part on good terms Rach but I need your help’ she stated and took step forward to sit on the bed.

I took a huge gulp of air as she perched on the corner of the mattress. My eyes flicked to her waxen arms and then to her long blonde plait hung over one shoulder.

‘You’re here’ I murmured as my body started to tremble.

‘Yes its me Eva’

Her voice echoed in my ears.

She leapt up without warning, making me jolt. I watched her run over to the window, yanking hard on the blind and flooding the room with golden light. She stood eyes closed and arms outstretched for what felt like an eternity.

‘It feels so good to have the sun on my face again!’ she marvelled as I clutched a pillow.

She made her way back to the bed but became distracted by the collection of photos on the wall.

‘Looks like fun’ she pointed to the photo of Pete , my husband, and I on holiday. We’re laughing into the camera, tanned and smiling. The Mexican holiday we took to forget about what happened and bridge the chasm that divided us.

‘Where is Pete?’ she asked, staring at the empty side of the bed.

‘He doesn’t… sleep…much nowadays’ I mumbled, feeling my body stiffen at her mention of his name.

She moved onto the photos of me on the beach with our mutual friends. I watched her inspect the image of me and the girls sat on logs, arms linked, tartan blankets thrown over our shoulders and the orange glow of the beach bonfire lighting up our faces.

‘Do they still talk about me?’ she asked, turning my way, her piercing blue eyes drilling deep into my soul.

‘Yes of course’ I lied.


‘Eva’ I repeat myself.

‘Huh’ she murmured, still staring at the photo.

‘Why are you here?’

‘I told you I need your help’ she answered, sitting back down on the bed. ‘To find out what happened on that  night Rach.’

My heart stopped beating and the air in my lungs evaporated. My freshly painted white bedroom started to spin and I reached out to steady myself on the wooden bed post.

I watched her draw imaginary circles on the bed with the tip of her finger. A door in my mind opened and out rushed the things I thought I would never have to think about again.

‘I met some guy at a bar’ she said continuing to draw. ‘He invited me to the beach with some people he knew on that night.’

‘I had a few drinks and fell asleep’ she kept her head down.

‘Rach’ she murmured, tracing a large invisible circle. ‘I don’t drink much and I never sleep on beaches’.

Nausea washed over me.

‘When I woke up someone was taking me out in a rowing boat’ she said quickly. ‘Everything was blurry Rach, my body felt so tired and I couldn’t see who was rowing’.

My mouth was so dry my tongue stuck to my front teeth.

‘They pushed me out of the boat Rach!’

My heart pounded in my chest whilst my body shook. 

‘Eva…you left …a note’  I stammered. 

She glared at me, her mouth falling open. 

“Is that what you believe Rach?” she asked, her eyes were almost black. ‘You believe that I would do such a thing?’

I break eye contact with her to look at my white knuckles gripping the quilt.

‘It was a tough time for all of us’ I mumbled through chattering teeth.

‘Are you being serious Rach?’

I look away.

‘It must be hard for you with me telling you all this stuff. Especially after everything that happened between us.’

Her words echoed inside my head.

‘You have to help me find some answers’ she pleaded, her eyes glistening with tears.

‘But you had an affair with my husband Eva’ I murmured, my chest aching like an invisible wound. 

She hung her head and laced her fingers together. 

‘Rach please help me. I need to find the person who murdered me’

This was my entry into this week’s Blog Battle contest. These fierce international contests are organised by the one and only, superstar author….cue trumpet fanfare…Rachael Ritchey! If you want to compete or check out the other entries please head over to Rachael’s blog

The word this week is chasm.

My genre is thriller. 

This is an extract from a story I have been writing.

photo credit: <a href=”″>Shandi-lee XVI {window dreams}</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;

© Lucy Mitchell and Blondewritemore, 2016.

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I am a blonde writer of romantic comedy fiction.

39 thoughts on “The Trouble With Eva #blogbattle #thriller #fiction

  1. Very nice, kept me guessing the whole way through. Very engaging, mysterious, all the way to the very end.

    critique: You switch tenses a couple of times, but that’s a minor editing issue… I just thought I’d point it out 🙂

      1. The first half of this year I’m focusing only on my WIP, but if it’s in the fall/winter then I might have time. I do want to read your stuff and help out. Does your new story have a title yet? 🙂

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