Welcome to my weekly blog comedy series ‘The Writing Club’
This series follows the emotional highs and lows of a local writing club who meet regularly at Alfie’s Coffee Shop.
The Writing Club session was in full swing.
Alfie, the coffee shop owner, stood and watched the table of writers.
Matt, Writing Club Leader, was talking excitedly about grammar. From what Alfie could see only one writer looked interested in what Matt had to say. The rest looked distracted.
Alfie wondered whether this was normal behaviour for a bunch of writers, when something as important as grammar was being discussed.
‘Wow – I really enjoyed that!’ announced Matt staring at his grammar notes with a goofy grin and a glistening forehead. It was clear to everyone that the subject of grammar took Matt to another level of literary enjoyment.
As he took some time to calm down he failed to notice a few writers stifling yawns and rolling their eyes at him.
‘OK writers lets talk about something else’ he suggested, before taking a swig of his coffee. ‘Does anyone have a writing topic that they want to discuss?’
‘People watching?’ suggested Darcy, the Chick Lit writer, with a faraway look on her face.
Matt put his notes away and turned to face the table. ‘People watching can be really useful for writers in terms of getting ideas for facial expressions, body language and character development’ he said. ‘Have any of you done it?’
There were a few nods around the table.
‘Mission Control doesn’t allow me to do it’ announced Richard, the military fiction writer, referring to his wife. He fiddled with his red bow tie and then gave his beard a scratch.
‘I have been doing it whilst we have been sat here listening to your lecture on grammar’ announced Darcy, looping strands of her long hair around her finger.
‘Darcy have you noticed the couple in the corner?’ whispered Moira, the romantic fiction writer gesturing to the other end of the coffee shop.
‘Oh my goodness I have been watching them too!’ whispered Tina, the thriller writer.
‘Hang on didn’t you find my article on grammar interesting?’ asked Matt, looking a bit dejected.
‘I found it useful Matt’ stated Richard, still scratching his grey beard.
‘Isn’t people watching another term for being nosey?’ asked Karl, the comedy writer, watching the female writers giggle and whisper.
‘No Karl’ said Darcy firmly. ‘Its been very useful for me as a Chick Lit writer to observe a real life romantic moment’ she stated. They all watched Darcy raise her head to get a closer look at the couple at the opposite end of the coffee shop.
‘Mission Control says people watching makes me fraternize with the enemy’ announced Richard, before picking up his spoon to stir his tea.
He increased the speed of his tea stir and all the writers around the table sensed something was on Richard’s mind.
‘I was doing a spot of people watching during our local pub’s quiz night. All above-board but I am afraid it led to some miscommunication’ he said, whilst stirring vigorously.
‘Were Mission Control’s arch quiz team rivals ‘The Lollipop Ladies’ involved by any chance?’ asked Karl, grinning at the military fiction writer.
‘I’m afraid so’ admitted Richard fiddling with his bow tie. ‘That team of mischievous retired lollipop ladies kept distracting me whilst I was people watching!’
‘Those ladies sound dangerous’ said Karl with a wry smile.
‘One of the Lollipops would not stop winking at me!’ exclaimed Richard, looking horrified. ‘I didn’t know what to do….so I winked back. My admission to Mission Control resulted in my writer people watching privileges being swiftly withdrawn!’
An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club and a couple of writers gave Richard some odd looks.
‘At the debrief, in the taxi on the way home, Mission Control informed me the lady in question suffers from a facial twitch which makes her look like she’s winking’ he said hanging his head.
A second awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. Moira let out a sigh and Tina exhaled loudly.
Stacey, the apocalyptic horror writer, broke the silence and gestured towards the couple by the window. ‘He’s a good kisser isn’t he?’
‘I do like the way he cups her face with his large hands’ whispered Moira. ‘I must put that technique into my books!’ she said reaching for her notepad.
‘I like the way he strokes her hair’ whispered Tina, opening up her notebook.
‘He is very affectionate!’ cooed Darcy.
Richard was still stirring his cup and Moira tapped him on the hand to stop.
‘Ok shall we get back to the writing session?’ asked Matt firmly, causing some of the writers to stop looking over at the couple.
‘Right Karl do you want to give an update on your writing?’ he asked.
‘I am losing followers on my blog’ announced Karl.
‘Are things that bad?’ asked Matt.
‘It’s really bad’ groaned Karl, placing his bald head in his hands.
‘Oh – what about blog traffic?’ asked Tina.
‘Fallen off a cliff’ said Karl still staring at the table.
‘Oh, that doesn’t sound good’ Tina said, pulling the plate of cookies away from Darcy.
‘Is it just the quality of your jokes?’ asked Matt.
Karl shrugged. ‘I keep going on dates with guest bloggers and word has got round. There have been one or two comments about me and the quality of my dates on other blogs.’
‘Sorry Karl’ said Matt. ‘Are there any learnings from this?’
‘International guest bloggers!’ sighed Karl, lifting his head from his hands.
‘They are kissing again’ murmured Tina, letting half a cookie fall from her hand.
‘Oh my goodness!’ whispered Moira turning back to face the table of writers. ‘He’s devouring her!’
‘I wish I was her right now’ mumbled Darcy. ‘I haven’t had a date in weeks!’
‘Ok writers shall we stop people watching and carry on with some more writing updates?’ asked Matt, his voice tinged with frustration.
There were a few murmurs and groans.
‘Matt I have got so many ideas tonight from people watching’ announced Moira. ‘This has been one of the best Writing Club meetings for me’ she exclaimed.
‘Their romantic moment is great fodder for one of my characters’ exclaimed Darcy reaching for her notebook. ‘I wonder if they are married?’
Moira let out a loud cackle making everyone in the coffee shop look round. ‘Ha! You don’t kiss like that when you are married my dear! It’s a quick peck on the cheek before they rush off to play golf – if you’re lucky!’
‘Maybe she’s a writer and he’s telling her how much he enjoyed reading her stuff?’ asked Tina, craning her neck to look at the couple.
‘Errrrr that’s not romantic’ said Stacey, shaking her head in disapproval.
‘I agree’ said Darcy. ‘If a guy I was dating was saying that to me I would know he was after one thing!’
‘A signed copy of your latest Chick Lit novel ‘Dateaholic’?’ asked Karl.
‘I give up!’ said Matt, raising his hands in the air. ‘Alfie do you have anything stronger than coffee?’
This is my entry into Rachael Ritchey’s international blog battle contest. If you want to read more entries or enter yourself please click here.
The word this week was Lollipops.
The genre was comedy.
There will be more from the Writing Club next week.
For more Writing Club please click here.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/54144062@N03/7025307281″>mugs</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>