3.16 P.M. I am creeping out of the ladies toilet with red puffy eyes and a handful of tissues.
Just had an emotional breakdown in the loo over:
- Dan going back to Clara.
- Being thirty something with three kids, two ex partners, living in a shabby rented house and no sign of Prince Charming.
- My weight. My wobbly bits are getting bigger. No man is going to find me attractive and no man is ever going to fall in love with me.
- Coming to the conclusion that I am a lost cause.
3.18 P.M. Had to nip back into the toilet and go hide in a cubicle as the tears returned. I need to pull myself together. All this upset over a man, my life and my wobbly bits.
I believed Dan when he said Clara was out of his life. I took his word and in my head planned out a wonderful future for us. He betrayed me.
3. 20 P.M. I am once again creeping out of the toilets. By the time I get back to my desk upstairs my eyes will have gone back to normal and no one will know that I have been crying in a toilet.
Keep repeating ‘I must get a grip of myself!’
3. 21 P.M. Turn corner in corridor and bump smack bang into Marcus, my senior manager. The one who I kissed over a photocopying machine at a Christmas party last year and the one who saved me in the cinema from my vampire date, a few weeks ago.
Avert eyes to the floor.
‘Are you ok Roxy?’ he asks softly.
This is the worst thing anyone can say to me when I am trying to stop being emotional.
I can’t hold it back.
Here it comes. A huge wave of tears, loud sobbing, inability to get my breath and a runny nose.
3.24 P.M. Marcus has escorted me to a quiet area of the staff canteen. He’s cancelled his meeting and has gone to buy me a coffee.
I am sat telling myself to get a grip. Crying in front of senior management is basically like hailing a ‘career taxi!’
3.27 P.M. Marcus has amazing blue eyes. He’s talking to me and I am distracted. Why haven’t I noticed these before?
Oh yea – I was drunk at the Christmas party and we have both been avoiding each other ever since.
Make decision in head not to go into detail about the reason for my upset. I must remember he’s a senior manager and he doesn’t need to know about my problems.
3.31 P.M. Ok so I am now telling him everything. All the stuff with Dan comes out, my fears of being a spinster and my wobbly bits.
Oh God I have just told my senior manager I have wobbly bits that are getting bigger!
3.35 P.M. Marcus is being sweet. He says that I am bound to find someone else and that I need to stay positive.
3.36 P.M. Just asking him how his dating life is going. I think it’s fair that he gives me an update too.
All the females in the office know Marcus is on the dating apps. He is so attractive for an older man.
We all sit and talk about what we would do if someone like Marcus liked or winked at us on a dating app. The majority of single women in the office reckon they would wet themselves in shock and a small minority say that they would run out into the street screaming.
3.37 P.M. His dating life is not going very well. It hasn’t been doing that well for over a year he says, looking at me with those sparkling blue eyes.
3.38 P.M. He says there is someone he has his eye on but its complicated. There would have to be some changes in his life and he’s not sure whether that person feels the same way.
3.39 P.M. I watch his lips move as he tells me about his feelings for this person.
For a moment I am back against the office photocopier kissing him like crazy whilst printing out 100 stapled copies of some poor junior’s report.
3.45 P.M. Walking back to the office. Marcus has left me as he has a meeting.
As we parted in the corridor there was a weird silence between us. I can’t explain it but it was like he wanted to tell me something but couldn’t find the words.
I thanked him for the coffee and made no photocopying offers.
7.56 P.M. Having my hair done in my lounge by Wayne my mobile hairdresser.
I am sat eating a huge bar of chocolate whilst Wayne eradicates my grey hairs and makes me a brighter shade of red.
This is what you do after a relationship falls apart; dye your hair and eat chocolate.
My wobbly bits are a lost cause. I might as well enjoy myself.
‘So Roxy tell your Uncle Wayne everything!’ says Wayne, whilst performing some hair magic using some bits of foil and a foul smelling substance.
I download everything about Dan and I.
‘Nasty business. I wouldn’t have trusted him with that Clara woman’ says Wayne, shaking his head in disapproval.
‘Thanks Wayne’ I say, before wedging a huge chunk of chocolate into my mouth.
‘So when are you getting back on the dating apps?’ asks Wayne, grinning at me.
‘I don’t think I am destined to be with someone’ I say, letting out a sigh and reaching for more chocolate.
‘Rubbish Roxy!’ snaps Wayne, tapping me on the hand as though I am a naughty child stealing chocolate.
‘You are a beautiful and vivacious red head. It would be a waste, a travesty if you were left on the shelf!’ he cries.
‘I don’t think I can face another relationship’ I moan, feeling tired at the thought of getting close to someone else and being heartbroken again.
‘Nonsense!’ barks Wayne. ‘Get out your phone now, log in and we can have a little nose at who is out there!’
‘No Wayne I can’t!’ I whimper, feeling tears prick my eyes.
Wayne stops fiddling about with my hair and bits of foil. He stands directly in front of me with his hands on the hips of his silver metallic jeans.
‘Excuse me Roxy!’ he screeches. ‘You are NOT giving up on love! Your hair is going to look amazeballs and you are one hot lady!’
‘I am destined to be a spinster!’ I cry.
‘You will be if you don’t stop snivelling and get back out there Roxy, now come on where is your fighting spirit?’ cries Wayne, glaring at me.
I reach across to the coffee table and grab my phone.
Wayne squeals as I open up my favourite dating app.
Marcus is staring back at me from the dating app. His profile is on my list of suggested dates.
‘Whoa who is that hunk?’ asks Wayne staring over my shoulder. ‘My goodness he looks just like George Clooney!’
‘That’s …Marcus…my senior manager’ I say feeling an odd fluttery sensation inside my chest.
‘You are one lucky girl working for him!’ says Wayne before letting out a sigh.
I find myself gazing into Marcus’s eyes and wondering whether he remembers our kiss.
There will be more from Roxy next week.
She’ll be coming to an end soon as I need to turn her into a book and a podcast!!
Yes folks I have plans to make Roxy into a comedy podcast.
I will keep you all updated.