Mermaid Talk #comedy #mermaids #flashfiction

 

Mermaid Talk

Three mermaids swam to their usual rock meeting place, to discuss the highs and lows of mermaid life.

Before they climbed onto their individual rocks they went through their usual greeting ritual which consisted of squealing, air kissing and hugging. 

Once this was over they set about getting themselves into position for their daily update.

“I can’t believe what some mermaids are putting on social media these days!” exclaimed Tracey, climbing onto her rock. “No names mentioned” she said, glancing at her blonde haired mermaid friend, sat on the rock behind her.

“Oh yea I agree!” said Sharon, the brown haired mermaid, hauling herself onto her rock and taking out a shell encrusted phone.

“All these wild claims about saving handsome sailors from drowning are doing my aquatic head in!” exlaimed Tracey. “I have yet to come across a handsome sailor struggling in the water!”

“That’s because handsome sailors don’t view you as a hot looking mermaid!” piped up Melody, the blonde mermaid, sat on the rock behind Tracey. She was busy checking out her reflection, in a shell encrusted mirror. “Sailors only chuck themselves overboard and act like they are drowning for hot looking mermaids” she explained.

Tracey sighed loudly. “I don’t believe you Melody!” she snapped, turning around to face the blonde haired mermaid. “I wasn’t going to say anything but I think I need to tell you now. Your Facebook posts and Tweets from yesterday were pure fantasy!”

“It was true!’ shouted Melody. “A really cute sailor was drowning so I saved his life, took him onto the shore, kissed him like crazy and then tweeted about the whole experience, plus I wrote a lengthy Facebook post on it too!”

“Absolute rubbish Melody!” yelled Tracey, shaking her head in disapproval. “Cute sailors like the one you described on Facebook don’t exist and if by some miracle they do exist they don’t  fall into the water and require life saving!”

“Hang on – I never saw you rescue anyone yesterday Melody!” stated Sharon, head bent over her shell encrusted phone.

“That’s because you were too busy staring at THAT phone Sharon!” hissed Melody.

“Oh yea – good point!” laughed Sharon, with her eyes still fixed on her phone.

“I still don’t believe you Melody!” cried Tracey.  “I did a couple of dives yesterday and I never saw any cute sailors looking like they were about to drown!”

Whatever Mer-Friend!” snapped Melody rolling her eyes and flicking away her long blonde hair.

“It is not all about mermaid looks Melody!” argued Tracey, feeling her Mermaid tail heat up with anger.

Melody glared at Tracey. “Those handsome sailors are not going to chuck themselves into shark infested waters for any old girl!” she snapped. “The only thing that makes their daring deed worthwhile is to be rescued by some young aquatic beauty!”

Tracey shook her head. “I disagree, I think sailors are looking for a mermaid who they can have intellectual conversation with, once they are settled on the beach” she gushed, whilst stretching out her tail. “I cover a range of both interesting and intellectual conversation topics from international fishing politics to fine fish cuisine!” she announced.

Melody threw her head back and squealed with laughter. “Tracey honey – when those sailors are on that beach they do not want to hear about your favourite fish platter dishes!”

“I could talk to them on the beach” said Sharon, scrolling through something on her phone.

Tracey sighed, looked back at Sharon and whispered “I said intellectual conversation  Sharon!”

“Oh yea – good point!” exclaimed Sharon, tapping something into her phone.

“Tracey – you might be not getting any sailor action because you are an older  mermaid!” said Melody, checking her aquatic blue nail varnish.

“Don’t bring age into this Melody!” snapped Tracey.

“Yay! Aquatic Wi-Fi has just come back on! I am now on Twitter!”  announced Sharon, excitedly tapping stuff into her phone.

“What have you been doing then if  Wi-Fi has been down and you have not been on Twitter?” asked Melody, glaring at Sharon.

“Thinking about Twitter” said Sharon, still gawping at her shell encrusted phone.

“Mermaid life is floating by Sharon and you are spending all your time on Twitter!” said Melody.

“Oh yea!” replied Sharon engrossed with her phone.

“Give us a Twitter update then!” demanded Tracey.

“Those pesky mermaids from the other side of the island are claiming that a large boat full of handsome sailors is sailing through right now!” exclaimed Sharon, bobbing up and down excitedly on her rock.

“Liars!” snapped Tracey, raising her head to catch some sun.

“No sailor is going to fling himself into the water for one of those rough looking mermaids?” said Melody shaking her head.

“The sailors won’t get much intellectual conversation from those lot!” laughed Tracey.

“Right I am off, catch you later ladies!” Melody said, getting ready to dive into the water.

“Lovely to catch up with you Melody!” gushed Tracey, giving her friend a big smile.

“Yea – same time tomorrow Melody!” shouted Sharon, still glued to her phone.

“Take care Melody!” said Tracey, giving her friend a wave.

“Love ya!” called Melody, before flicking her diamond encrusted Mermaid tail and disappearing.

A good hour later and the two remaining mermaids; Tracey and Sharon, were still sat on their rocks.

“Melody’s just tweeted about the sailors, from the boat, on the other side of the island!” announced Sharon staring at her phone. “Listen to her tweet Tracey”

‘#cutesailors are #fighting for the chance to be #saved by #Melody #hotmermaid’

Tracey sighed. “As I said earlier Sharon, some mermaids, no names mentioned, are filling social media with utter rubbish!”

“Oh yea!” said Sharon, going back to her phone.

Sharon stopped tapping something on her phone and looked at Tracey. “Can’t you just give me a clue on who it is?” she asked looking puzzled.

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/33364333@N04/4979465160″>Daydream Island</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

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I am a blonde writer of romantic comedy fiction.

23 thoughts on “Mermaid Talk #comedy #mermaids #flashfiction

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