When I am not writing my debut novel I like to transform into a Blonde Creative Agony Aunt.
I like to help troubled writers resolve matters of the heart.
My qualifications for being a Blonde Creative Agony Aunt are:
- I like to talk a lot.
- I like to give advice on things which I don’t know much about.
- I consider myself to be a very creative person. (sigh!)
- I care about my readers.
Here is the email from this week’s troubled Blondewritemore reader:
Help – I am in a literary pickle!
A few months ago I published my first book.
It was a momentous occasion for me and put me on cloud nine. Once readers started leaving their reviews my troubles began!
Since publication I have had five reviews. Two out of the five reviews contain complaints about one of my main characters dying unexpectedly in Chapter Four. These two readers claim the character’s death was very upsetting as they got quite attached to him. I feel really sorry for these two readers who are clearly in some literary distress. I now have writer anxiety and I am having a few sleepless nights.
How do I get through this troubling time BlondeWriteMore?
I hope you can help as these sleepless nights are leading to me turning on the bedroom light and striking up a conversation with my sleeping loved one. As you can imagine he’s not in the best frame of mind at 2.34 a.m. to give me some literary advice.
There have been some tense marital moments over our soft eggs in the morning.
What shall I do about these two distressed readers?
An anxious brunette writer
Hello Anxious Brunette Writer,
I read your novel ‘Hot Salsa Nights’ and I also struggled with the sudden death of the Salsa dance instructor Miguel during a triple spin.
However I quickly recovered by Chapter Six and found great comfort in his replacement, the one with the dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes, during Chapter Eight.
By Chapter Eleven I had to reach for an ice pack as the hot flush from reading your book was getting too much.
Poor old Miguel was a just a distant memory by the end of the book.
You need to pull yourself together! I have been through a lot worse.
A few months ago I whipped up a literary treat on Wattpad. As the encouraging and positive comments came in “oh please write more BlondeWritemore!” and “this is brilliant BlondeWriteMore!” I got carried away, saw my name going up in lights and wrote a sequel.
During the first chapter of the sequel I killed off one of the much-loved male characters and a love interest to my female lead character. He had to go as I thought he was dull. My readers took a very different view. The reader complaints flooded in…
I was deluged with depressed reader messages such as “how could you do this to us BlondeWriteMore!” and “Evil author BlondeWriteMore!” Sigh! Reading about all these upset readers was too much for me. It was heartbreaking!
After frantically emailing George R. R. Martin for some advice, as he must find himself in this situation a lot and getting nothing back (obviously he wasn’t checking his emails, maybe I will just Twitter DM him next time) I started to worry.
It was then I received the message from one poor Wattpad reader who claimed she was crying so much she couldn’t see the voting button. This message pushed me over the literary edge. As you know from the Annual Bloggers Bash Awards I am all about the votes – sigh!
As Wattpad is ‘fiction on the go’ I decided to perform a literary miracle. Yes my dear reader – I brought the dead character back to life. It took a lot of sugar consumption to come up with a special way of reversing time but I did it.
I can hear you asking “did you get any thanks from your readers for performing a literary miracle and bringing a dead character back to life?”
The answer is NO! I got nothing! There were no sacks of thank you letters waiting for me when I came home from work the next day.
So my answer to you is – do nothing! Its tough literary love.
Those two distressed readers need to accept that old Miguel had to go. If he had been my character I am not sure he would have reached Chapter Two.
You also gave them a handsome replacement – you were generous!
Be proud of yourself – your writing produced a strong reader reaction. This is what we all strive for!
Take a deep breath and move on. I am looking forward to your next romance novel.
BlondeWriteMore – Your Blonde Creative Agony Aunt.
PS: I do hope martial tensions disappear, there’s nothing worse than an uncomfortable silence over a nice soft egg.
For more Blonde Creative Agony Aunt issues please click here.