As a writer you might prefer to do your food shopping online. Buying food online is a great way to procrastinate as you get to feel like you are doing something important (food gatherer) and it takes you away from writing. Trust me when you are trying to avoid writing your novel it can take hours browsing through every single food item an online supermarket site has to offer.
However, there will be some occasions when you will be forced to venture out to a supermarket (Wi-Fi on the blink / forced human interaction).
I believe a writer can be spotted in a supermarket and this is definitely worthy of a blog post.
So, here is how to spot a writer in a supermarket:
- The writer will enter the supermarket looking puzzled (scratching head or chin). Their loved ones will have been complaining for days about the empty food cupboards and the writer will be keen to resolve this situation. However, the writer will be asking themselves what’s more important – “my first chapter sounding amazing or food in the house?”)
- They will be dressed in normal writer attire:
- Pjs, or
- Comfy clothes, or
- A tweed jacket (the writer’s fabric of choice), with an elaborate ruffled shirt, a colourful scarf (to reflect their creativity levels) and finished off with a stylish beret. Sigh!
- The writer will be seen clutching a very long food shopping list (food supplies started to run low when the writer realised their first chapter needed more work. First chapters can mess with a writer’s head causing real life to grind to a halt).
- Seconds into their food shop the writer will get distracted by the book aisle. They will be seen muttering stuff under their breath and pushing their empty trolley towards the shelves of books. After a good half hour spent browsing through the books, making some remarks about the quality of some of the books on offer, shaking their head at some of the opening chapters, they will chuck a few books into their trolley (no true writer can leave a book aisle without making a purchase or two) and wander off into the food section.
- Writers will be the shoppers ‘circling’ (like vultures) the cheese and wine aisles. I can’t think why a writer would be so drawn to these supermarket aisles. After a good half hour spent circling the writer will chuck in a few blocks of cheese, plus a couple of bottles of wine. (The decision on whether they go for red or white wine will be dependent on how they feel about their latest draft. If they are feeling positive and upbeat about their work they will be opting for a light, refreshing, sparkling white wine. On the other hand if the thought of their draft makes them feel emotional and depressed they will plump for a heavy and mind numbing red).
- Once the important items have been put in the trolley; a couple of paperbacks, a nice Stilton and a full-bodied, robust bottle of Shiraz, the writer will take a look at the remaining food aisles and stifle a yawn.
- The writer will then be seen scooting up and down the other aisles, chucking in whatever comes to hand or catches their eye. Their loved ones will just have to make do with whatever is in their shopping bags. The writer will look like they are keen to get home at this point.
- The writer will make a quick dash up the chocolate aisle as their secret ’emergency chocolate’ supplies will be running low. The writer will be seen chucking in a few ‘slabs’ for good measure and muttering stuff about the importance of sugar in the creative process.
- Before they head for the checkout the writer will get a strong urge to go to one last place – the coffee and tea aisle. That new idea they had about their draft, on the way to the supermarket, will need caffeine hot housing in the next few days so its vital tea and coffee stocks are replenished.
- In the queue for the checkout the writer will be seen staring into space and dreaming about going home to write (whilst sipping wine, nibbling on cheese and taking a nap when it all gets too much for them).
I LOVE being a writer!
The moral of this tale is….never send a writer out to a supermarket to do a big food shop.
I hope you all have a fabulous day!