Welcome to my weekly blog series – Heaven Calling.
This series is out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore.
For part 1 please click here.
Recap: Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end last week after she made a shocking discovery about her husband, Gerry. He’d decided to start dating after spending two years mourning her. Two years felt a little short to Camilla. In view of her amazing wife skills she was expecting Gerry to grieve for at least twenty years.
As she had a good working relationship with God and her team of angels, Camilla hoped they would be able to offer some assistance to her, in getting Gerry back to a state of mourning.
Heaven Calling – Part 2
I stomp into my heaven room and catch sight of my angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel, huddled over the hole in the cloud floor.
Anna jumps up in fright as my foot sends a heavenly waste paper basket shooting across the floor.
“I take it your meeting with God did not go well?” Anna rises quickly and heads for her harp.
I shake my head. “He refused to give me control of gale force wind.”
Last night I gathered my angel team for an energetic brainstorming session, in preparation for my talk with God. I set them the challenge of coming up with ideas on how I could influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates. After many hours of halo scratching Anna came up with the weather. I could ask God for control of the sun, rain and the wind. The thought of using the wind to sweep Gerry away from his dates appealed to me so much I spent the rest of session giggling to myself.
Anna’s soothing harp music fills the air. I can feel my tense body starting to relax.
“Did he offer you anything weather related?” asks Gabriel, running his hand through his mass of blonde curls and holding my gaze for a little longer than necessary.
For a second I can’t work out which is more soothing; Anna’s music or Gabriel’s smouldering looks.
“God gave me something,” I explain, holding up a weather control panel. “He’s given me the use of fog.”
“Fog?” Anna and Gabriel repeat my answer, whilst casting worried looks at each other.
“I know….I pitched for gale force wind, but If I am honest I was secretly hoping for lightning bolts, painful hail stones or sheets of icy rain…,” I moan, wiping a layer of sweat from my brow. “He refused and told me to be grateful for the use of fog.”
Anna surveys the control panel in my hand. “Did he give you any rules for that?”
I nod. “Have to use it sparingly. Apparently it will get confiscated if my actions cause God any unnecessary stress. He’s very busy at the moment.”
Gabriel goes back to staring through the cloud hole.
“Any news from Gerry?” I ask, praying for a miracle. My ideal scenario would be for Gabriel to turn around and reveal that Gerry is no longer intending to date but is busy building a shrine for me in the garden.
Anna launches into an upbeat harp tune. I turn my head towards her and she gives me a reassuring smile.
“He has a date on Friday, ” says Gabriel.
I take a sharp intake of breath and clench my fists. Gerry is actually going through with his plans to enter the dating market. “Give me details ASAP!”
“His date is called Sarah and we think she’s…..” Gabriel’s voice trails off.
Anna swiftly changes music tact and opts for a calming harp piece.
“What?” I shriek, feeling my face getting hotter.
“Younger.” Gabriel turns round and flicks his beautiful sea blue eyes to the floor.
“How young?” I say, through gritted teeth. Anger courses through my veins. Why did my husband have to start dating young unscrupulous women from the internet? What is wrong with dating old unscrupulous women from the internet?
Anna returns to her upbeat harp tune.
Gabriel takes a large gulp of air. “How old are you Camilla?”
I cast him a hurt face. How could my sweet angel crush say such a thing? “Don’t spoil the dream Gabriel!”
Anna nods at Gabriel, who rises quickly from the cloud hole. “Actually Camilla, Sarah’s not that young. A couple of years between you…at the most.”
I sigh with relief. As long as Gerry’s dating someone late thirties or early forties I will be happy. “Do we know anything else?”
With a trembling hand I reach out and grab a bottle of heaven’s version of Pinot Grigio. When you are in heaven there are no things like hangovers or liver damage to worry about.
After unscrewing the top I pour myself a large glass. Gerry’s smiling face flashes across my mind, making my shoulders stiffen. I bring the glass to my lips and let the wine flow.
Gabriel steals a look at Anna who returns a grimace. He turns back to me. “Sarah is a writer.”
The word ‘writer’ makes me choke and spew wine. Anna races over with some heavenly tissues.
“Gerry hasn’t got a creative bone in his body,” I croak, gasping for air.
After dabbing my mouth Anna places a warm hand on my shoulder. “He’s decided that dating Sarah will put him back in touch with his creative side.”
A rage starts to build inside of me. I had been waiting years for Gerry to get creative with his Valentine’s day cards. The most I got was a ‘G’. How dare he suddenly decide to change his ways, two years after my death, for a date with a younger woman!
“I will put him in touch with his creative side if he’s not careful.” I snarl, sending Anna scuttling back to her harp. “I could get very creative with a couple of lightning bolts!”
The air oozes out of me as I recall my conversation with God. I slump onto my white sofa and cross my arms. “If only God had given me something better than fog.”
Anna returns to her harp and fills heaven with a peaceful harp tune.
The day of the date has arrived. Earlier in the week Gerry told my best friend Meg (who had given Lizzy, my daughter, a lift home from ballet class and had made Gerry a casserole), he was taking his writer date out for a picnic. My mood sunk. I could not recall a time in our marriage when he had ever taken me out for a picnic.
Gabriel, Anna and I peer through the cloud hole and watch Gerry climb out of his sports car. He has chosen a local picnic site situated by the side of a river. With the sun shining and the cloudless blue sky, it looks like the perfect spot for a picnic.
I spot a tall, vivacious woman getting out of her car and waving madly at Gerry. Air becomes trapped in my throat. Gabriel is right. She is younger, a lot younger.
“She’s late twenties!” I screech, pointing through the clouds.
Gabriel looks away and Anna erupts into a coughing fit.
Sarah is busy telling Gerry all about her latest creative project. His stifled yawn and constant fidgeting tells me he’s struggling to remain interested in listening to her troubles with chapter seven of her latest novel.
Anna, Gabriel and I all take a sharp intake of breath as Sarah stops talking, smiles and leans over to kiss my husband.
“I have had enough of this!” I snap, reaching for my weather control panel. “How dare she kiss my husband?”
Gabriel clears his throat before speaking. “Errr..they’re on a date Camilla.”
I place the weather control panel in my lap and stare in horror at Sarah and Gerry locked in a passionate embrace. My fingers reach for the little fog gear stick and gently push it forward.
“Remember God’s advice, use it sparingly!” warns Anna.
Within a few minutes a light fog starts to descend on the picnic site. Gerry and Sarah are too busy kissing to notice.
“Camilla, I think that’s enough.” Anna gives me a knowing nod.
The sight of Gerry running his hands through Sarah’s long hair makes my gut clench. How dare he kiss someone like that? I have only been dead two years and he’s busy slobbering over some young attractive woman on a picnic blanket, surrounded by picnic food he bought in the supermarket, but claimed he’d spent all day cooking. Without hesitation I flick the gear stick to MAX fog.
“What have you done?” screams Anna. We all stare at the thick blanket of grey fog covering up the cloud hole. “We can’t see anything down there.”
I shake my head. “Sorry…my finger slipped.”
Gabriel places his ear over the cloud hole. “I can hear shouts,” he says. “Sounds like Sarah is getting excited about the thick fog. Her head is buzzing with creative thoughts. Gerry is telling her to stop talking as he can’t see his sports car.”
A satisfying smile takes over my face. “That sounds like Gerry, more concerned about that rust bucket of a sports car.”
Gabriel places his head further into the cloud hole. “I can hear Sarah refusing to sit down on the blanket. Apparently the fog has given her a great idea for a story. He’s telling her to remain still. She’s too excitable and…..oh…she…has gone off into the fog.”
A huge splash can be heard from below. This is followed by screams and shouts. I pull back the fog joy stick to lift the fog.
Sarah is standing on the river bank trying to reach Gerry with a long stick. He’s fallen into the river and is scowling at his date.
“I told you to sit down!” he growls at her, wading out of the water.
She giggles. “I can’t sit down once a new story idea comes to me. You didn’t have to come and rescue me.”
“I wasn’t!” snaps Gerry. “I was searching for my car.”
“Shall we go back to the blanket and I will tell you all about my new idea?” asks Sarah.
Gerry shakes his head. “I am wet, grumpy and I just want to go home.”
A few days later and I am relaxing on my sofa with a smug look on my face. As Gabriel fans me with his great wings I think about how silly I was to doubt the power of the fog. Gerry’s decided to not see Sarah again. Apparently she’s not for him. I could have told him that!
Anna rushes into the heaven room, looking flustered. “God wants to see you Camilla ASAP. He’s not happy with you.”
“What?” I say, sitting up.
“The fog caused three minor crashes on the road to the picnic site, five people to fall into the water and some unnecessary marital heartbreak in the car park.”
“Unnecessary marital heartbreak?” I turn to Anna.
“When the thick fog came down a wife had been fetching her picnic basket from the back of the car,” explains Anna. “For a short time she couldn’t move because the fog was so bad. When the fog lifted she spotted her husband at the front of the car, in the arms of another woman. Not only that but he had one of the woman’s homemade pork pies in his mouth.”
Gabriel gasps and beats his wings faster.
Anna took a breath before continuing. “The husband claims it was a simple mistake. When the fog came down he felt a bit needy and started embracing someone who he thought was his wife.”
“Sounds plausible,” announces Gabriel, making both Anna and I glare at him.
Anna turns to him. “The other woman was half the size of his wife and half her age.”
Gabriel fiddles with one of his wings.
Anna carries on. “According to God the wife was fairly comfortable about the embrace. It was her husband’s comment about how the other woman’s homemade pork pies tasted…out of this world…that caused the heartbreak.”
My shoulders stiffen as I try to imagine how I would have reacted hearing Gerry tell me about how much he enjoyed eating another woman’s homemade pork pies.
Anna nods in silent agreement. “The wife has since inundated God with prayers about the incident. He claimed the number of prayers from this woman outnumbered your spiritual requests for your teenage son to stop dating the girl called Spice.”
I watch as Anna places a warm hand on my shoulder. “Camilla, God can handle a few minor crashes, a couple of people falling into the river but unnecessary marital heartbreak….over some homemade pork pies…now that’s a different kind of stress for God.”
There will be more from Camilla and the heavenly gang next week.
Have a wonderful day my lovely readers!
PS: The latest Roxy podcast episode is out. I think I have surpassed myself this time by acting out the scene where Roxy sprints up and down a nursing home with Great Aunt Vera in her wheelchair. Click here.