Welcome to my new series – Vampire & Single.
This story reached no.11 in the Wattpad Vampire Book charts and it is about time I gave it some exposure on my blog. I think it’s a different take on a vampire story but happy to see what you think.
I will publish each episode every Thursday.
I have set up a page on my blog where I will store all the parts.
Part 1: Me
Last year I turned into a vampire. I know what you are thinking – cool huh?
For the record it is not cool or trendy or sexy.
I feel the need to point out – I didn’t ask to be transformed into a vampire. Before the bite I was an ordinary, twenty-three year old woman, who enjoyed going out with her friends, spending too much money and embarrassing herself on a dance floor. Trust me – becoming a vampire was not on my life bucket list.
The other frustrating thing is that before I was bitten I was a good person. I helped old ladies across roads, I rescued stray animals, I made cakes for my flat neighbour when she was going through a divorce and I always visited sick relatives in hospital. This vampire life feels like I have been given a cruel punishment.
Now, I am alone in this world, feeling like a terrible monster, with a huge pair fangs, which seem to reveal themselves at awkward moments, an obsession for the meat aisle in my local supermarket, odd-looking eyes and I have the worst case of bad breath ever!
I don’t know any other real life vampires. There are no Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram vampire groups or ‘real life vampire’ support groups – I have checked – believe me!
You probably think I hide myself away from the rest of the world. Well, I tried that and I got bored. Plus I nearly lost my job and got scared about not repaying my credit card.
So, my life is spent acting like a normal person, whilst keeping the fact that I am a vampire secret. I would hate to be viewed as some sort of freak or monster. Sometimes I get these visions where I am caught and forced to spend the rest of my life in some laboratory being studied and kept under guard.
Before you ask, I have tried tracking down the terrible person who did this to me, but he has vanished.
I like to think of myself as a practical person. Before the bite I was constantly looking for useful life hacks on the internet. You would not believe how many hours I have spent researching my condition online and praying there is a life hack out there which can transform me back into a normal person again.
Until I find a solution to my problem, this is who I am now. My name is Sasha, I am 23, a vampire and single.
8.10 A.M. As I no longer sleep at night I spend a lot of my time online. Everyone on Twitter is talking about the power of being positive, so I am going to give it a go. Somehow I will find someone who can help me or who understands what I am going through.
I am walking my usual 7.2 miles to the office. During the first few months of becoming a vampire I struggled with travelling to work on London tube trains, jam-packed with commuters. Overnight I had acquired a mind obsessed about all things fleshy. The smell of commuter blood would get too much for me and my fangs would appear, forcing me to hold my hand over my mouth and pretend to cough.
Then I would find myself making weird growling noises, like a dog let loose in a meat market. Weirdly the commuters on the tube, who sat next to me, never clocked that I was a vampire. Isn’t that bizarre? A couple of men asked me what drugs I was taking, an old lady asked me whether I was having trouble speaking English and a young boy told his mother he thought I was nuts.
One of the few benefits about being a vampire is that I am now quicker on my feet than I used to be. Before I turned into a monster I hated exercise and avoided walking anywhere at all costs. If I was forced to walk I would be out of breath, panting and flushed after about five minutes. My new vampire body loves exercise. I never get tired so walking to work has become part of my daily commute.
It is raining heavily and I forgot my umbrella. In my previous life I would have hated arriving at work looking like a drowned rat, but I have bigger things to worry about nowadays; like stopping myself from devouring and killing my entire office.
My phone bleeps. I reach inside my bag. It is from Emily, my best friend.
She doesn’t know my vampire secret and to this day, believes last year, I had a nasty case of Scarlet Fever. I didn’t have Scarlet Fever. My transformation scared the hell out of me so I locked myself away in my flat where I cried and ate nothing but blood soaked steak based dishes morning, noon and night for several weeks.
‘I have a date tonight with a doctor,’ Emily texts.
I am pleased for her and text back a load of celebratory emojis.
Emily is determined to ‘marry well’, as she puts it. She has only been accepting dates from barristers, dentists, vets and doctors for months now. Finding a wealthy husband is all that Emily has to worry about in her life. She doesn’t have ‘killer potential’ written all over her and she can use public transport to her heart’s delight. I often get jealous of Emily.
It was Emily who introduced me to the guy who changed me. She had started dating a Russian doctor called Viktor who had a handsome friend called Boris. He was good-looking; dark and swarthy looking with piercing green eyes. I fell madly in love with him on the first date and spent the entire time gazing longingly at him, whilst planning our wedding in my head.
On the second date I couldn’t stop kissing Boris outside a restaurant. This is when he decided to change my life forever and dig his fangs into my neck. It didn’t hurt as I was very drunk and under the impression that he was going retro and giving me a love bite.
The next morning I awoke to a swollen neck, bulging red eyes and a weird dizzy feeling. I phoned in sick and told my manager that I must have had an allergic reaction to something I had eaten.
For three days I lay groaning in bed and taking strong pain killers. My fangs appeared on the fourth day when I was in recovery mode. I was sitting on my sofa watching daytime TV and feeling a lot better. There was a cooking feature on the TV and a chef was rustling up a tasty meat platter.
At the sight of the tasty meat platter I raced towards the TV screen, snarling and face-planted it. After removing my slobbering face from the TV screen I staggered into the bathroom. I felt really odd so I took one look in the bathroom mirror and fainted.
This was the first time I saw my fangs. In my short life I have looked into my bathroom mirror and spotted huge volcanic spots, crusting cold sores and angry rashes from cheap makeup. I tell you – nothing compares to staring in horror at a pair of killer fangs sprouting out of your gums.
I never saw or heard from Boris again and Emily split up with Viktor, the Russian doctor.
‘We will have to cancel our girlie drink,‘ Emily texts back.
I smile to myself. I don’t mind my own company nowadays. Less stressful, as I don’t have to think about what Emily’s blood would taste like.
9.01 A.M. I am sat at my desk in the office typing at speed on my laptop.
If I am honest work actually prefer me as a vampire. Before the bite I would spend ages gossiping at the drinks machine and I would be easily distracted at the desk. My projects were always in a state and no matter how many time management courses, Helen, my line manager sent me on, I always handed stuff in late.
Now I don’t talk to anyone and the speed at which I whip up business reports leaves some senior managers with their jaws hanging open in shock. My brain now works at hundred miles an hour. I don’t need much direction and all they need to do is give me a title of a report. I am like the ideal employee.
9.03 A.M. Still typing.
Helen, my line manager appears at my side. She looks pale, tired and harassed.
I notice that her black jacket has the traces of what looks like baby sick on the shoulder and her dark blonde hair hasn’t seen a brush in days.
“I hate my husband today,” Helen whispers, shuffling some folders on my desk.
I carry on typing.
“Olly [her baby son] was sick before nursery and I told Tom [her husband] that he should take the day off work to look after him, but he said that kids were my department,” she whispers.
Helen’s childcare crises are mind numbing at the best of times. Today is no exception. I have no kids and I am unlikely to have kids, given my current physical condition, so I don’t see why I need to hear this.
“I really hate him Sasha,” she says. “I had to ring my mother and beg her to have Olly, plus pick up Seb and Alice from school. That is a lot for a sixty-seven year old retired woman.”
I can feel my fangs starting to appear. They do this when I am irritated, angry or in close proximity of someone annoying. I must try to stay positive and in control.
Helen is still going on about her children and useless husband. I am now gripping the desk and repeating to myself ‘I must stay positive and not kill my boss!’
I let out a small growl and Helen takes a step back in shock.
“Are you feeling ok Sasha?” she asks, looking concerned.
I place my hand over my mouth. “Just a bit of indigestion.”
Helen takes a step back. “You sound like our family dog,” she whispers.
“I am sorry,” my hand is clamped firmly over my mouth. Oh no – my fangs are enormous and I can feel their pointy ends touching the palm of my hand.
“Do you think you need to go to the toilet?” asks Helen, raising her eyebrows and giving me a look only reserved for her small children.
9.06 A.M. Stood in a toilet cubicle at work, praying my fangs will disappear. Being a vampire is so overrated.
My breath stinks. Just licked my hand, sniffed and nearly fell over the toilet in shock. I tell you no mouthwash can get rid of vampire breath!
I know what you are all thinking. I would be thinking it too. Has Sasha killed anyone yet?
The answer is no. I hate being a vampire and I refuse to kill innocent people.
I know what your next thought is. I would be thinking this too. Does Sasha drink blood?
The answer is yes. Blood from meat steaks in the supermarket. The whole thing disgusts me, but if I don’t get my blood quota I get really cranky, emotional and angry. It is very similar to having hormones although on a much bigger scale.
My fangs are not going away so I am wondering whether I need blood. I reach down in my bag for my emergency blood ration. When you are a vampire you have to be prepared for these moments.
Whilst normal twenty somethings spend their evenings on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or watching box sets, I sit in my kitchen squeezing the blood out of meat from the supermarket. I pour all the blood into little plastic medicine bottles and pop them in my bag for when moments like this arise. It saves me from having to kill someone and sink my fangs into their neck.
I open my bottle and gulp down the red liquid. It tastes good. Real good.
Normal twenty somethings have fantasies about going to all night clubs, wearing designer clothes or going travelling. My fantasy is to be locked in a blood transfusion unit for an entire night.
Phew! The fangs are receding.
9.45 A.M. Back at my desk looking and feeling normal again.
I have just finished typing up a 3000 report on the business performance stats and Helen is looking puzzled at me from across the desks.
“Can I ask you something Sasha?” she asks, her eyes digging deep into my soul.
I can feel myself start to tremble. She’s guessed something is wrong with me. Maybe she caught sight of my fangs, as I ran out of the office earlier.
“How did you become so God damn efficient?” she asks, flicking her eyes to my finished report in her email.
“You don’t want to know,” I mutter under my breath.
“Seriously Sasha, people above are talking about you right now. They are taking notice of your attitude and output. I have been asked to encourage you to go for promotion,” she gushes.
“Promotion?” I croak.
Helen beams. “Yes Sasha, you would have your own team under you.”
I let out a silent groan. A team of people working for me. The last thing I need right now in my life is a team of people with sweet-smelling blood.
Helen gives me a sympathetic smile. “You’re worried about promotion aren’t you?”
“Managing people will bring out a whole new side to you Sasha!” says Helen.
7.15 P.M. The rest of my day at work was dull . The only real highlights were Helen having an emotional breakdown at her desk, over her husband’s lack of commitment to childcare and a report I had written, which was hailed ‘as the best thing the Managing Director had read all year’.
I now have twelve long hours ahead of me, mainly filled with researching vampires and trawling vampire chatrooms.
This is what I do every night. I must not give up hope that there are people out there who can help me.
One day I will find a solution to this nightmare existence. I must stay positive.
Check out part 2. Click here.
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