Welcome to The Diary of Roxy Collins – The Serious Relationship Series.
Every Thursday you can read Roxy’s diary entries.
They record the emotional highs and lows of her new serious relationship with Marcus, the man of her dreams. He lives on the posh side of town, drives a flash car and doesn’t mind her wild kids or the wobbly bits on her hips and thighs. Has Roxy finally found true love?
How will their new relationship survive when Roxy enters the TV talent show ‘Search For a Star’?
Will Roxy be a hit in the Over 25’s singing category?
“STOP FIGHTING!” I am stood at the bottom of my stairs, in my pink frilly nightie and leopard print slippers, screaming at my sons, Harry and Toby. They have been fighting in Toby’s bedroom, for the last hour and I am already at the end of my parenting tether.
My phone has just bleeped. A text from Marcus. It reads, ‘I am aching for you. Looking forward to our romantic weekend away later.’
The only thing I am aching for right now is a couple of headache tablets, a sit down and my morning cup of tea.
“Harry please stop hitting your brother!”
Shaz has just come round to see me.
I am sat nursing a sobbing Harry, who didn’t expect his little brother, Toby, to fight back and punch him on the nose. Toby is upstairs face timing his entire class (who are all enjoying the school holidays), to tell them about his victory.
“Are you ready for the audition tomorrow, Roxy?” Shaz asks, as she comes over to ruffle Harry’s mop of red hair.
The ‘Search For A Star’ TV show auditions start tomorrow. Our new pop band consists of Shaz, Orange Lorna and I. We are three thirty something women, who have a singing dream and are tired of beating everyone at karaoke. We have named ourselves ‘The Diamanté Girls,’ as diamanté clad nails are a big thing for us. We are going to be auditioning as the TV show loved our video clip.
“Have you seen who the judges are this year?” Shaz pulls out a chair and sits down.
“The two women judges don’t bother me,” I explain, “singing in front of Hugo Rocco terrifies me.”
Hugo Rocco used to be the member of a famous band. Now he is a music industry expert, who turns singing dreams into reality.
Shaz is grinning from ear to ear. “I get it, Roxy, he’s so hot!”
We are both taking a moment to stare into space, with dreamy expressions on our faces. When God was dishing out good looks Hugo Rocco was at the front of the queue. He’s tall and dark-haired, with a chiseled jaw line, olive skin and mesmerizing chocolate eyes. Shaz and I struggle to stop stalking him on social media.
I let out a little sigh. “He’s dating ANOTHER supermodel, I saw them both on Instagram sunbathing on his yacht.”
Shaz is admiring her new pink nails. “I bet he’s amazing in…” She stops, realising a tear-stained Harry has turned round. “I mean on the football field,” she says, grinning at Harry.
“Mam – is Dad taking us to play footie this afternoon?” Harry has dried his eyes and is bending down to rescue his football from under the table.
“Has Rob The Fish got them ALL weekend?” Shaz is giving me a puzzled look. Rob The Fish is the nickname Shaz has for my ex-partner Rob. He owns a tropical fish business and drives around in a red van covered with pictures of odd-looking fish.
Rob is the father of Harry and Toby. He walked out of our seven-year relationship two years ago, after an affair with a blonde barmaid. Rob left me homeless, broken-hearted, penniless and hating all blonde barmaids.
“Yes he’s taking the boys all weekend and has promised to bring them to the audition.”
I still can’t believe Rob’s generous offer to look after Harry and Toby.
Shaz is giving me one of her troubled facial expressions. “I smell a rat…or a dead fish in Rob The Fish’s case, he never has the boys for longer than a couple of hours.”
I am shaking my head. “I think he’s turned over a new leaf.”
“Roxy, leopards…hang on I mean large spotty fish, don’t change their spots!”
My phone has bleeped. It’s another text from Marcus and reads, ‘can’t wait to have breakfast in bed with you tomorrow xx’
Shaz is peering over my phone. “How is the lovely Marcus?”
I am taking a large breath. “He’s becoming a bit impatient.”
Shaz is frowning. “For what?”
“For him and I to have quality time alone together.”
Getting time alone with Marcus has been problematic lately. I don’t like the idea of him staying over when the kids are here and what with audition rehearsals Marcus and I have not really seen much of each other. We have had to either lock ourselves in the laundry cupboard or take the dog for a walk and kiss each other like crazy behind trees.
“Roxy, Marcus knew you had a family when you got together.”
I am nodding at Shaz. Marcus did know about my kids. He claimed he was ready for a challenge.
Matilda, my teenage daughter, has glided into the kitchen, flicking her long brown hair and adjusting her pink skin-tight jeans. “When is that loser in a fish van appearing?” she asks, reaching for a mug.
Shaz is chuckling to herself. “What are you up to this weekend Matilda?”
“Mam, is letting me stay here on my own. Obviously I am not having any wild parties or anything.” Matilda has come over to give me a hug.
Shaz is staring in horror at me.
“I need a weekend away with Marcus, Shaz. We spent so long fancying each other, it is time we took things to another level.”
Matilda grins. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Mam.”
Shaz is shaking her head at me.
“I bet Hugo Rocco doesn’t have my sort of family issues.” I say, before draining my cold cup of tea. “Do you think life gets pressurised on Hugo’s yacht?”
“He does have a kid with some film actress, but I know one thing, he wouldn’t let Matilda stay on her own for the weekend. Roxy – are you mad?”
My case is on the kitchen table. I am busy ironing and packing clothes for the weekend away and the audition.
Shaz is stood by my sink, texting her boyfriend Big Spike.
My back door has just flown open. Useful Kim and Orange Lorna (on crutches) are entering my kitchen.
“How is my pop band?” Useful Kim surveys me, Shaz and Orange Lorna.
“I have a hurting foot,” mumbles Orange Lorna.
Useful Kim is eye rolling Orange Lorna. “If I hear you moan one more time about your hurting foot I am going to scream!”
Orange Lorna has got distracted and is staring at my opened case on the kitchen table. “What is that?” She’s pointing to a red lacey lingerie top with long sleeves.
“I found it online,” I say chucking in some purple silk knickers. “Think it will make me look sophisticated and sexy, plus it will hide my tattoo.”
Shaz is shaking her head at me. “Roxy, make up some story about you having an ex boyfriend called Martin. Marcus will be too busy loving you to think about who Martin is.”
“I once went out with a Martin,” announces Useful Kim, looking wistful.
Orange Lorna has taken the red top out of my case and is inspecting it. “This will make you sweat buckets, Roxy.”
“Do you think so?” All my friends are nodding.
A knock at the front door has interrupted us. “Mam, it’s Rob the Fish!” shouts Matilda.
I am opening the front door to my ex partner, Rob. He looks disheveled with his shaggy brown hair plastered over his face, his red t-shirt struggling to contain his large beer belly and his grubby jeans.
“Can I come in?” He is trying to barge past me. “We need to talk!”
“Alright ladies!” Rob waves to my friends. They all give him stern looks. He flops onto the sofa.
“Shall I shout the boys for you?” I ask, heading for the stairs.
Rob coughs. “Slight problem. I can’t have the boys anymore.”
I have turned around to glare at Rob. “What did you say?”
An eerie silence descends upon my house. Words fail me. The blonde barmaid is pregnant.
Rob is scratching his head. “Six weeks and she’s been laid low with morning sickness.”
He is squirming on the sofa. “I can’t have the boys if she’s not well.”
“But it’s my big weekend!”
I must have screamed loudly as he has placed his hands over his ears. “It’s only a weekend away with your new fancy man, Roxy.”
Anger is welling up inside of me. This is not just a weekend away with my fancy man.
It’s the weekend where Marcus and I take our relationship to the next level and I pursue my dream of becoming a pop star.
I love my kids but I have no doubt my relationship would be over by the time Marcus’s Jaguar pulls up outside the hotel with me and the boys in the back. Harry’s bouts of car sickness are still bad and Brian, my landlord, is still struggling to get the stale aroma of vomit out of his car, after I borrowed it. Toby still hasn’t said goodbye to Malcolm, his imaginary friend who has an annoying habit of commenting on driving skills and I can’t guarantee there will be no fighting in the back seat.
I won’t be able to concentrate if I know Harry and Toby are running wild in the auditions. I don’t think the judges will allow me to shout at my boys about fighting during our audition.
Shaz is marching over to Rob, with her finger pointed at him. “They are your kids, not your girlfriend’s. It shouldn’t matter if she is sick!”
Rob is rising from the sofa. “Sorry ladies, see you around Roxy.”
“Please Rob,” I say. “I really need your help.”
Rob turns to me. “I got my own family now, Roxy.”
Useful Kim is making a strange growling sound. Rob turns round. I can see fear in his eyes. He yelps in fright as Useful Kim chases him out of the house. We all stand and listen to Rob’s screams of terror outside.
“I am so grateful we have an ex-convict friend,” sighs Orange Lorna. “Ex-convict friends are so useful.”
My mind has become flooded with Rob related thoughts. I can’t believe he’s having a baby with her. His words are still stinging inside my ears. What will the new baby mean for Harry and Toby? Will they see even less of their father?
I am also going into romantic weekend crisis mode. Marcus and I need to be alone. I also need to find some way of explaining to him that there was a tattoo mix up, after a drunken night out, and I had the name of my manager at work tattooed onto my shoulder, with a pink love heart next to it.
Life has got too much for me. I have collapsed onto my carpet in a tearful heap. Everything is going wrong.
Useful Kim has returned and all my friends are stood around me.
“Sorry Roxy,” they all murmur in unison.
I cry out, “I need a hero!”
The back door opens and someone walks into my living room. Through tear filled eyes I can see Brian, my landlord. “Are you alright, Roxy?” he asks, bending down beside me on the carpet.
“Oh Brian,” I whimper. “I am supposed to be going away for the weekend with Marcus and now I can’t go because Rob has let me down. He was supposed to have the boys.”
Brian scratches his bald head and mutters something under his breath. He does this a lot with me.
“All my dreams of becoming a pop star have been dashed Brian,” I wail.
He’s still muttering stuff to himself.
“The blonde barmaid is having Rob The Fish’s kid,” Shaz pipes up.
Brian takes a large intake of breath. “Patricia and I are not doing much this weekend.”
I am lifting my tear-stained face and staring at him. “Oh Brian,” I coo softly.
“We will have the boys for you, as long as they promise not to kick their football through my shed window, play pranks on Patricia and steal burgers from the neighbour’s barbecue.”
I smile. “They will be little angels, Brian.”
He nods and I am overcome with emotion. I pull Brian into a huge embrace. He loses his balance. Everyone gasps as my 68 year-old landlord accidentally falls on top of me, whilst screaming, “Roxy, my pacemaker!”
As Brian tries to wrestle himself free from my emotional hug, Matilda lets Marcus into the house. “Don’t look in there, Mam’s making a pass at Brian.”
In my experience the best romantic weekends start with you explaining to your boyfriend why he found you rolling around your living room carpet with your 68 year-old landlord.
Roxy will be back next week!
All previous parts can be found here.