Welcome to The Diary of Roxy Collins – The Serious Relationship Series.
Every Thursday you can read Roxy’s diary entries.
They record the emotional highs and lows of her new serious relationship with Marcus, the man of her dreams. He lives on the posh side of town, drives a flash car and doesn’t mind her wild kids or the wobbly bits on her hips and thighs. Has Roxy finally found true love?
How will their new relationship survive when Roxy enters the TV talent show ‘Search For a Star’?
I am at work. Martin, my line manager, is on the phone to his mother. It’s a heated discussion, he’s mentioned high fibre, prunes and shifting the blockage several times.
Bev, who sits at the desk next to mine, is staring at me. I am pretending to type an important email as she seems fixated, which is a little unnerving.
Luckily the dreaded ‘Search for a Star’ audition has not been televised yet and won’t be for a few weeks. This means I have time to prepare myself for everyone watching my accidental kiss, with celebrity judge Hugo Rocco.
For the record it was an accidental kiss. My red stiletto heel got caught on something and I somehow landed in handsome Hugo Rocco’s lap, with my lips pressed up against his. My emotions were running wild after singing Cher, a hot flush had taken over my face and before I could think straight Hugo Rocco and I were kissing each other.
I keep telling myself this sort of thing could happen to anyone.
Marcus, my boyfriend, is struggling with the audition. I have been busy making up to him, which has consisted of promising to never sing Cher again, telling him he’s very handsome and organising for the kids to go out one night, so Marcus and I can have a romantic evening in with my string bikini.
In between making him feel special, I have pointed out the obvious a hundred times. Hugo Rocco is a multi millionaire music mogul, who spends most of his time on a luxury yacht, surrounded by bikini clad, stick thin models. I am a skint, thirty something, mother of three kids, with wobbly bits on my hips and thighs. Nothing will ever happen between Hugo Rocco and I because we live in separate worlds and more importantly I am in a serious and loving relationship.
Despite my assurances Marcus is still worried. Last night he claimed a passionate kiss with me is life changing.
“It’s the way you kiss me, Roxy,” he said, whilst washing up the dishes. “You kiss me like I am the last man left on the planet.”
I put down my tea towel and gave him a puzzled look.
“You devour me,” he said, handing me dinner plate to dry. “There is no escape. Do you want to know something?”
I nodded and picked up my tea towel.
He smiled whilst scrubbing a saucepan. “Before I kissed you I was enjoying bachelor life. I would never have considered dating a fiery red-head, with three spirited children…and an old dog….who looks like he’s passed over. Is that dog still alive?”
We both turned to look at Frank, the dog, in the corner, lying on his back with glazed eyes and limbs held aloft.
“No, he’s always like that, think he’s an attention seeking dog,” I said. “So, what changed you?”
Marcus started washing a frying pan and stared dreamily out of the window. “One kiss over a photocopier….and that photo of you in your string bikini, which you accidentally texted to all of your phonebook. From then all I could think about was you.”
I felt my cheeks redden.
“I am just glad Hugo Rocco has not seen you in a string bikini,” Marcus said, handing me the dripping frying pan.
“I am also glad about that too.” I often wonder what came over me in that clothes shop, before I went to Greece. Then I remember. I got carried away and took the advice of the young sales assistant who told me thirty something women with wobbly bits should live a little when it comes to swimwear.
Bev clears her throat and brings me back to reality,
“So, how did your audition go?” she asks, whilst peeling a large orange.
“Can we not talk about it, Bev?”
Bev squashes a massive segment of orange into her tiny mouth and crushes it with her yellow stained teeth.
Her beady dark eyes study my face. “You and your band not get through?” she says, after gulping down her bits of orange. “Or did you get through and are now playing it down, trying to act normal before your amazing pop star career starts?”
I exhale loudly. “You will find out in a few weeks.”
Bev nods and picks up another orange segment. “Did you get on well with the judges?”
I give her a sugary smile. “As I said let’s not talk about it, Beverly!”
She licks an orange segment. “So, what happened at the audition then?”
“BEV!” I screech, causing Martin to put his hand over the phone receiver and glare at me.
“Roxy, keep the noise down,” says Martin. “I can hardly hear my mother speak.”
I return to my computer screen.
“You checked Twitter this morning?” Bev asks, before stuffing two orange segments into her mouth.
I shake my head. “Bev, I don’t have time to check Twitter on a morning. I have three kids who don’t want to go to school and a dog who doesn’t want to be walked.”
Bev nods. “Are you sure you didn’t make an impression on one of the judges?”
I am bristling with irritation. Can’t Bev just leave the subject of my TV singing contest audition alone?
“What went on in your audition, Roxy?”
In a fit of uncontrollable anger I grab Bev’s remaining orange segments. “Anymore questions about the audition and your pieces of orange GET IT!”
Martin slams down his phone receiver. “For goodness sake, Roxy, what is wrong with you?”
I hand Bev back the rest of her orange.
Bev grins. “Hugo Rocco has been tweeting her, that’s what’s wrong with her!”
“What?” I gasp, still holding Bev’s orange segments aloft.
“Check your phone.” Bev chuckles to herself and wipes her orange juice coated chin with the back of her hand.
Martin shakes his head. “No social media in the office, Roxy, this is work, not an Internet cafe! Now, I am going to ring my mother back as her bowel issue is troubling her.”
My whole body is trembling. Why would Hugo Rocco feel the need to tweet me?
We had one accidental kiss, which will soon be plastered over all TV screens nationwide, but it doesn’t warrant a tweet.
“I check his twitter feed everyday,” whispers Bev. “It’s not like I fancy him or anything. I also check his Instagram late at night….whilst in bed…I find those photos of him in his dinky white speedos on a yacht make me have….nice dreams.”
“Think I need a coffee,” I say, slyly grabbing my phone.
I sneak away from the desks as Bev gives me a wink.
At the coffee machine I log onto Twitter and shriek.
Hugo Rocco has tweeted me. It reads ‘still thinking about your audition.’
His Twitter following, which is the size of a large country, has retweeted it thousands of times.
I grip the side of the drinks machine as the room starts to sway.
A message appears in my Twitter DM box. It’s from him. I let out another shriek and drop my phone.
The men on the IT help desk look round at me and laugh. “Roxy’s got boyfriend issues again,” chortles Bob.
I pick up my phone and open the message. It reads ‘can’t stop thinking about our kiss.’
Words fail me.
After staggering back to my desk, clutching a machine generated coffee I try to concentrate on Martin’s latest request for a report.
Statistics dance in front of my eyes and a hot flush blossoms over my cheeks, as a memory of my kiss with Hugo Rocco comes rushing back to me. I quickly replace it with one of Marcus and I kissing in my laundry cupboard.
Whilst Martin is in a meeting I check my phone again under my desk. Hugo Rocco’s message is still there.
A notification from Instagram catches my eye. He’s liked the photo of me on a beach in Greece whilst wearing my string bikini.
Oh God my wobbly bits are huge! Why did I get carried away, purchase a string bikini, wear it on a Greek holiday and then publish the photo on Instagram without some serious filtering and photo editing?
I must stay calm and NOT visualise me wearing that string bikini on Hugo Rocco’s big fancy yacht. I would certainly stand out amongst all those stick thin models.
The image of me frolicking in the sea whilst Hugo Rocco watches from his boat is giving me a fluttery feeling.
A wave of guilt passes over me and I quickly replace the memory with one of Marcus and I in the hotel hot tub.
Shaz calls my work phone. “You do know the world’s most handsome man is tweeting you, Roxy?”
“Yes, I have seen Twitter.”
Shaz tells her boyfriend, Big Spike, to deal with her baby’s dirty nappy as she’s busy. She comes back to the phone. “Wonder if it is your singing he can’t stop thinking about?”
I turn away from Bev, who is busy stuffing the rest of her orange into her mouth. Gripping the phone I talk quietly into the phone. “Shaz, he’s messaged me about our kiss.”
“YOUR KISS!” screams Bev, spraying both our desks with bits of orange debris from her mouth. “OH MY GOD YOU KISSED HUGO ROCCO!”
My email box is groaning as the entire company, apart from Martin, has just emailed me about some gossip they have heard. It comprises of me, a TV audition and a kiss with Hugo Rocco.
I can’t face Blabber Mouth Bev. She’s sat multi tasking; running an anti bacterial wipe over her desk with one hand and messaging her entire phone book about her friend at work, who has kissed celebrity judge Hugo Rocco, with the other.
Great Aunt Vera has called my work phone. “Roxy, put my mind at ease and tell me there is definitely something going on with you and Hugo Rocco?”
“What?” I gasp.
How the hell does my 90-year-old Great Aunt Vera know about Hugo Rocco?
“It’s all over Twitter, him tweeting about how he can’t stop thinking about your audition.”
I recall Great Aunt Vera informing Marcus and I that she was on Twitter.
She chuckles. “Edna, the old girl who sets next to me in the day room, thinks he can’t stop thinking about your singing. Ha! I put Edna straight about your singing. It’s definitely not your singing he’s thinking about. Something has gone on. I can feel it in my water.”
I remain silent.
“You know my waterworks are never wrong. I have told everyone here you will bring him into the nursing home as he will be desperate to meet your charming elderly relative.”
“There’s nothing going on,” I hiss into the phone.
Great Aunt Vera cackles. “Roxy, you can’t fool a ninety year old! I have told the journalist everything by the way.”
Air is trapped in my throat. I can’t breathe. Did she just say journalist?
“Roxy, you know I hate telling lies,” says Great Aunt Vera.
I nod. “Yes, Great Aunt Vera.”
I love honest relatives like Great Aunt Vera. She makes family gatherings a little bit more exciting.
“A lovely young chap called me. Wanted to know all about you. I had to put him straight on a number of things; three children, two dads, one ran off with a butcher, you’ve struggled to find a man online and now you are seeing your ex boss.”
Just changing my mind about honest relatives.
Hugo Rocco will not be messaging me again after reading an article based on Great Aunt Vera’s honest account of my life so far.
In the background I can hear her a nurse handing Great Aunt Vera her meds.
“Roxy,” screeches Great Aunt Vera. “If you are photographed with Hugo Rocco, please go easy on the false tan.”
Marcus has text me to say we need to talk about our relationship. Again.
All we have done since we got together is talk about our relationship. Its only been four weeks but in view of the amount of talking it might as well be four years.
Martin wants to have a meeting with me about personal phone calls in the office. The calls he make to his mother every morning are not counted as personal.
Hugo Rocco has sent me another private Twitter message. It reads, ‘I want to see u Roxy x’
Life goal met – am being harassed by a devilishly handsome celebrity.
Must think about Marcus and not Hugo Rocco.
Something tells me Hugo Rocco and I would not be doing much talking if we got together, on his fancy yacht.
I wonder if my sea sickness would reappear on his yacht?
Would have to eat a load of my foul smelling ginger sweets.
Must stop thinking about Hugo Rocco. I wonder what Marcus is doing today?
What is wrong with me? I can’t stop thinking about Hugo Rocco and I on his mega yacht.
My favourite astrologer Mystic Clive has just tweeted his Gemini predictions for today.
‘Geminis could find themselves in hot water today #becareful #takeiteasy
I can’t help but tweet back – ‘bit late for this @MysticClive – already in hot water and it’s only 11.09!’
There will be more from Roxy next week.