Welcome to The Diary of Roxy Collins – The Serious Relationship Series.
Every Thursday you can read Roxy’s diary entries.
They record the emotional highs and lows of her new serious relationship with Marcus, the man of her dreams. He lives on the posh side of town, drives a flash car and doesn’t mind her wild kids or the wobbly bits on her hips and thighs. Has Roxy finally found true love?
How will their new relationship survive when Roxy enters the TV talent show ‘Search For a Star?
Multi-millionaire music mogul and famous celebrity Hugo Rocco kept texting me, begging for a secret meeting. I could feel myself getting carried away again and my head became consumed with thoughts about our accidental kiss.
I couldn’t think straight in the supermarket, whilst bulk buying my turkey burgers, I did nothing at work all week and I stopped sending Marcus kiss face emojis.
Then things changed.
One day I will write my bestselling guide to life and this will be one of the chapters.
How To Turn Down A Famous Celebrity In 10 Easy Steps
By Roxy Collins.
- Experience dark and torturous dream and wake in a sweaty emotional state. When in a time of crisis I can always rely on my dreams to give me the answers to life’s difficult questions. In the nightmare I was back in my old house, standing listening to Rob, my ex, confess to a year-long affair with the blonde barmaid. The ache in my chest had returned as Rob’s words cut me deep inside. I can’t hurt Marcus.
- Make important life changing decision whilst in bed. All major decisions should be made under a duvet. Cover head with duvet. My loyalties lie with Marcus. I know what it feels like to be dumped for someone else. I am now in a serious and committed relationship, which is entering its fifth week. It’s time to stand by my man.
- Say a silent goodbye to everything that famous celebrity, Hugo Rocco, could have offered me. This includes his stunning looks, a future in the music industry, free holidays on his yacht, tight white speedos, a social life spent in glossy magazines, a potential meeting with my life heroine, Cher, and a low sexy male voice.
- Message famous celebrity and manage expectations. I quickly type out a heart wrenching message to Hugo about how loyal I am and how my heart lies with Marcus and our five-week serious relationship.
- Remove all distractions. Delete my Twitter account and stop following Hugo Rocco on Instagram.
- Manage the press. Send email to journalist, who has been ringing my house, informing him I will not be giving any interviews.
- Text loved one and smooth out any relationship wrinkles. Text Marcus to say I want to make it work between us and suggest we should go for dinner later. He asks whether I can find a babysitter at such short notice. I get carried away and tell him I already have one lined up.
- Email all interested family members and friends with news of decision and suffer fall out. Ignore Matilda’s piercing screams, her tearful sobs about wanting a famous stepdad and her accusations about how I have ruined her future life. Ignore Toby’s imaginary friend, Malcolm, and his views on bad decisions which involve dumping a famous celebrity. Delete text from best friend, Shaz, which says, ‘I think you have made a big mistake.’
- Replace all saucy thoughts of famous celebrity with naughty thoughts about loved one. Must keep image of Marcus in my head.
- Send email to TV company and pull out of singing contest. Cry heart out under duvet. It had to be done. I need to make my serious relationship work.
Matilda is going to her friend, Pixie’s house for the night and Harry is off to a football sleepover party.
No one is around to look after Toby.
Why did I get carried away and tell Marcus all my childcare plans were sorted?
Lie on sofa, listening to soothing whale music and think about whether Marcus would mind if Toby and Malcolm (imaginary friend but still requires a seat at the table) joined us?
Listen to Toby and Malcolm’s conversation on the stairs.
Malcolm feels tired.
Get carried away with delusional idea that Toby will just sit quietly at the dinner table whilst Marcus and I whisper sweet romantic stuff to each other.
“Mam,” asks Toby, shaking my arm. “Malcolm wants more bread rolls.”
I glare at my son. “Toby, he’s imaginary,” I hiss, pointing to the empty seat next to him.
Toby shakes his head. “Malcolm says he will complain if you don’t order him another basket of bread rolls.”
I bite my lip and whisper, “Malcolm will have to go without bread rolls then!”
“Mam,” said Toby, “Malcolm is like you, he gets grumpy when he’s low on carbs.”
Make mental note not to use the ‘low on carbs’ excuse when I am at home and in a mood.
Marcus raises his hand to a passing waiter. “Can we have some more bread rolls, please?”
Everything alright?” I ask, sensing something is wrong with Marcus. He is shifting about on his chair and avoiding eye contact with me.
Toby leans into whisper, “Malcolm thinks Marcus has issues.”
I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to my beloved. “How has your day been?”
Marcus loosens his shirt collar.
Toby tugs on the sleeve of my blouse. “Malcolm thinks Marcus wants to go home.”
I put down my knife and fork. ‘Toby,” I say in a low voice. “Please keep Malcolm’s views to yourself!”
Toby glances at Marcus, who is looking out of the restaurant window. “Malcolm thinks Marcus is going to end it with you tonight.”
I gasp. “Toby, stop listening to Malcolm!”
Toby raises his little hands. “He’s just speaking his mind. I don’t know why parents and teachers have issues with imaginary friends, like Malcolm. I mean you tell us kids to be honest and open all the time.”
I exhale loudly and reach out to grab Marcus’s hand. “Hey, are we okay?”
He turns to me and I know something is wrong. His smooth brow is deeply furrowed and his blue eyes are watery. “Roxy, I have something to say,” he says.
“Mam,” whispers Toby, “Malcolm says he did warn you.”
I hand Toby the basket of bread rolls. “EAT!” I order.
Marcus clears his throat. “Roxy, I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” I ask, my heart pounding inside my chest.
He looks at me and wipes a tear from his cheek. “Us. I am sorry Roxy. Our relationship is too intense and I can’t think straight anymore.”
Toby nudges me. “Malcolm wants to know what you have done to this poor man?”
I stand up and rush round to Marcus’s chair. “Don’t do this, we can work through our problems. I have pulled out of the TV talent show auditions and I promise to make more of an effort with our date nights.”
Marcus shakes his grey flecked sculptured head. “I can’t go on, Roxy. You drive me crazy. I am thinking about you all the time and I am emotional too. It is very worrying. I don’t think we are right for each other.” To my horror he stands up.
“Please don’t leave me,” I gasp, holding onto his soft warm hands.
He bends down and kisses me on the cheek. “Goodbye, Roxy.”
I slump down at my seat and place my head into my hands.
Toby leans in. “Malcolm says he told you it was a bad decision to dump the famous celebrity.”
There will be more from Roxy next week.