Welcome to the New Diary of Roxy Collins – The Serious Relationship Series.
Every Thursday you can read Roxy’s latest diary entry.
They record the emotional highs and lows of her new serious relationship with Marcus, the man of her dreams. He lives on the posh side of town, drives a flash car and doesn’t mind her wild kids or the wobbly bits on her hips and thighs. Has Roxy finally found true love?
How will their new relationship survive when Roxy enters the TV talent show ‘Search For a Star?
All previous episodes are stored here.
I open my front door, expecting to see Useful Kim, Orange Lorna, Shaz and a fitness instructor called Felix, who knows Useful Kim.
Instead I find Jon, Matilda’s father, stood on my doorstep.
“Hello,” he says, looking forlorn. “Can I come in?”
Timing is everything with my ex-partners. They seem to know when I am busy, stressed or about to enjoy myself.
“It is not a great time as I am on my way out.” I glance up and down the street for my friends.
Jon places a hand on my arm. “Please, Roxy, I need to talk to someone and you give great advice on relationships.”
I let out a silent scream and curse myself for being great at giving other people relationship advice.
I gesture for him to come in.
We head for the kitchen where he slumps into a chair.
“What’s up?” I ask, flicking on the kettle.
He sweeps back his floppy blonde fringe, revealing two watery pink eyes. “Paul and I are having problems.”
“Oh,” I say, taking the chair next to him.
Jon turns to face me. “His butcher shop is doing really well, which means we don’t get to see each other anymore.”
I watch him hang his head. “Paul and I don’t go out like we used to and when we do he’s always tired.”
I rub Jon’s shoulder. “Have you talked to him?”
He nods. “Apparently he’s trying his best and he doesn’t need me moaning.”
I go to give Jon a hug and notice his sparkling diamond ear stud. “Wow, did Paul buy you that?”
Jon’s fumbles with his earring. “I bet you are thinking I am being horrid, complaining about Paul when he buys me wonderful things, allows me to travel abroad to do my DJ sets and works all the hours there are, to make his business a success.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Jon, I would love a hard-working boyfriend, who buys me expensive gifts, allows me to do what I want and gets me quality cuts of meat at a good price.”
He watches me get up from my chair and take down two mugs.
“You need to talk to Paul. His business means a lot to him so I get why he’s working all hours.”
Jon exhales loudly. “Yea, I know I am being too demanding.” He stretches out his arms. “Oh, I forgot to ask, are you going out anywhere nice?”
I pour hot water into two mugs and plop in a tea bag. “The live shows start on Saturday. I have been worried about looking fat on TV, so my mate, has organised for me and the girls to spend the day with a fitness instructor.”
Jon stands and grabs the milk from the fridge. “You looked alright on TV the other night?”
I can feel my cheeks reddening. Jon watched my dreaded audition.
“Paul said one of the lads in his shop fancied you.”
I quickly stir our tea and dismiss the thought of a young butcher having the hots for me.
“Roxy, did you mean to kiss the poor judge like that?” A cheeky smile is spreading across Jon’s tanned face.
“Like he was the last man on the planet?”
I give Jon a playful swipe. “It was an accident!”
Jon chuckles and takes a sip of his tea. “You did make me laugh, Roxy.”
“Enough about me, what are you going to do about Paul?”
Jon sits back in his chair. “We’re arguing a lot. It’s getting us both down. He is worried I am going to meet someone else.”
I resume my position next to him. “You’re not are you?”
Jon turns away.
I glare at him. “I hope you are not thinking about meeting someone else, Jon?”
He fiddles with a teaspoon lying on the table. “It’s really tough at the moment, Roxy. I hardly see him.”
I give his arm a rub. “Come on, why don’t you do something nice and take him out tonight? Surprise him?”
“Are you still seeing that chap called Marcus?” Jon asks, ignoring my impromptu date night idea.
At the mention of his name a swarm of butterflies break free into my chest. “No, we split up.”
I exhale loudly. “He’s seeing someone else now. I saw him getting out of a taxi with her. I don’t know what went wrong between us. Actually I do know, I got carried away with my emotions after singing Cher and falling into Hugo Rocco’s lap. It was a silly thing to do.”
“Maybe you were not right for each other?”
I shake my head. “Marcus and I were right for each other. I can see that now. When we were dating all we did was question our relationship, but now it’s over I can see that it was right.”
“So, what are you going to do?” asks Jon.
After taking a sip of tea I shrug my shoulders. “Keep missing him and just hope this other woman doesn’t work out.”
Jon frowns. “Why don’t you tell him how you feel?”
“No he won’t listen. The other issue we have is that every time we see other my life goes a bit crazy. I think it scares him.”
“Roxy, I have known you since we were thirteen and your life is crazy all of the time. Marcus perhaps needs to understand a relationship with you involves a little bit of crazy time.”
I nod. “Jon, you might be right.”
A loud knock at the front door distracts us.
I jump up to answer it. Shaz, Useful Kim and Orange Lorna troop past me, whilst deep in conversation.
“It’s a lovely shade of brown, but it comes off on my dates,” explains Orange Lorna, walking into the kitchen. “Me and this guy kissed so much in the cinema when we came out his face, neck, shirt and trousers were covered in brown stains. He had a fit and I told him to stop being precious about his designer clothes as once we got back to my flat he wouldn’t be wearing them.”
“Hello ladies,” says Jon.
Orange Lorna spins round to see Jon and squeals. “OMG, Roxy WHO IS THIS?”
Shaz places her hand on Orange Lorna’s shoulder. “This is Jon, Roxy’s ex.”
Orange Lorna twirls a stand of peroxide blonde hair around a bronzed finger and wets her lips. “Roxy, why have you not introduced me to Jon before?”
We all watch Orange Lorna take a seat next to Jon and gaze longingly into his blue eyes.
I don’t think Orange Lorna knows about Jon being gay. Shaz reads my mind and whispers. “Don’t tell her, it’s hilarious to watch.”
I catch sight of Useful Kim’s outfit. She’s wearing a gigantic leopard print leotard over bright pink leggings. Around her tight black perm is a leopard print sweatband and on her feet are white trainers with flashing lights.
“Do you like my new fitness look?” asks Useful Kim, placing her hands on her hips.
Shaz rolls her eyes at me. “She has a thing for Felix, I think she wants to make your Uncle Bob jealous.”
Useful Kim takes a sharp intake of breath. “Can we not mention his name again?”
“You mean Texan Bob?” Shaz grins at Useful Kim and we are all reminded of the family evening where Useful Kim revealed she had got off with my Uncle Bob at a Western evening.
Useful Kim had no idea ‘Texan Bob’ was related to me and we had no idea Uncle Bob spent his evenings going to bars dressed as a cowboy.
“So, what’s this fitness instructor, Felix, like?” I ask, watching Orange Lorna inch closer to Jon.
Shaz sighs. “Tall, dark and handsome.”
“Sounds like my kind of guy,” pipes up Jon, sitting up in his chair.
Orange Lorna shrieks with laughter. “Oh Jon, you are such a hoot! Can we have a selfie together?”
She whips out her phone and pouts into the camera.
“Felix is always late,” explains Useful Kim, as we all wait for the fitness instructor to turn up.
“So, you’re a DJ?” purrs Orange Lorna, stroking Jon’s arm. “Tell me, what’s it like having so much musical power in a night club?”
A knock at my front door saves Jon and makes us all look up.
I open it to find an attractive dark-haired man, beaming at me, with an amazing set of white teeth. He’s clad in a black lycra suit and a pair of cool shades rest on his head.
“You must be Roxy,” he says, extending a tanned hand. “I am Felix.”
He energetically bounds into my kitchen and all conversation stops. “Right then, who is ready for some exercise?”
Jon shoots out of his seat, with an excited look on his face. “Me!”
Orange Lorna clutches Jon’s arm. “Easy now, tiger, let me go change.”
Orange Lorna races into the kitchen wearing a bright pink Lycra leotard, an orange sweatband pulled tight over her peroxide blonde hair, bright green leg warmers and a pair of black Lycra tights.
“You look lush!”exclaims Useful Kim. “Brings out your tan.”
Orange Lorna gives her a wink and then struts over to Jon. “I am ready for you now, tiger?”
I glance over at Jon, who is busy having an intense conversation with Felix about running.
Something about the way Jon is staring at Felix is bugging me, but I can’t work out what it is.
We are in the local park.
Shaz, Orange Lorna, Useful Kim and I are all stood, gasping for air, with heaving chests and sweaty red faces.
“Leave me here to die!” groans Useful Kim.
Felix comes over and grins. “Come on, ladies, that was just the warm up!”
I glare at Useful Kim. Felix was her idea and look at what state we are all in after six minutes. Why do I listen to Useful Kim?
Shaz shakes her head. “Felix, I am begging you, no more!”
Jon jogs over and gives Orange Lorna a friendly smile.
She pouts at him and then catches sight of a brown trickle of false tan, making its way down her plump arm. “Ugh! I don’t need this when I have a hot man coming onto me!”
Felix and Jon have gone for a run in the wooded section of the park, leaving us to lie down on the grass.
“Roxy,” says Shaz, rolling onto her side. “Do you think Jon fancies Felix?”
Orange Lorna sits bolt upright. “I think you’ll find Jon fancies me. A couple of times I have caught him staring at me.”
We all give Orange Lorna a puzzled look.
“Sorry, Roxy,” she giggles. “I can’t help it if your handsome ex finds me attractive.”
Useful Kim gives Orange Lorna a playful swipe. “You’re not his type.”
Shaz’s comment about Jon fades in my mind as I am distracted by the park scenery. It has brought back loads of memories of Marcus and I on our dog walking trips, which involved a lot of kissing behind trees.
A fluttery feeling takes over my chest, quickly followed by a dull ache. Marcus has found another woman. I saw them getting out of the taxi. It’s over.
Shouts from behind make us sit up. Jon is racing over to me, holding his ear.
“I have lost my earring, help!”
“What?” I shriek. “Paul will go mad!”
Jon nods and in a panic-stricken voice says, “Oh Roxy, what am I going to do?”
“It must have come off whilst you were running,” I say, noticing Shaz is giving me a worried look.
Felix comes to stand by Jon. They both flick their eyes to the floor.
“It was an accident,” mumbles Jon. “I mean what happened after our run was an accident. It shouldn’t have happened. I just…”
“Told you,” whispers Shaz.
I raise my hand. “Think we’ve heard enough, Jon.”
We are all on our hands and knees, searching a secluded spot, underneath an oak tree, for an earring.
Felix, Jon and I have crawled under a large patch of undergrowth, as Felix thinks he can see something sparkling.
“I can’t see anything,” I say, scanning the leaf coated ground.
Useful Kim and Orange Lorna have also squeezed themselves under too.
“I think this is a trick,” says Orange Lorna. “Jon is an outdoors type and wants to kiss me in foliage.”
Useful Kim sighs. “How many times? You are NOT his type.”
“Paul is going to kill me.” mumbles Jon.
“I GIVE UP!” I am fed up with the search and irritated with Jon for getting himself and us in this mess.
I push my way through to the other side of the undergrowth.
“Roxy, we must find it,” shouts Jon.
“IT IS TINY!” I shout, emerging head first onto a path and coming face to face with a pair of familiar trainers.
As I look up to see the owner of the trainers, Jon and Felix climb out of the undergrowth.
“Hello, Roxy,” says Marcus, with a look of horror on his face, as Felix and Jon nod at him and get to their feet.
Orange Lorna sticks her peroxide blonde head out beside me and says, “that is the last time I follow a hot man into a bush!”
“Oh Marcus,” I say, scrambling to my feet.
He shakes his head with an exasperated look. “What were you all doing in that bush?”
Jon’s earlier conversation echos in my head. “Just my crazy life.”
As Marcus and I stare at each other a female voice shouts his name.
I turn to see the attractive woman, from the taxi, running towards us with a playful large Labrador on a lead.
Marcus turns away and smiles. “Roxy, this is Gloria.”
The woman sweeps her long brown hair away from her eyes and grins. “So you’re the famous Roxy, who my brother keeps talking about?”
“Gloria,” snaps Marcus as my insides melt.
Jon comes over and places his arm over Marcus’s shoulders. “Marcus, you need to know that my ex, Roxy Collins, leads a crazy life. Once you accept this, you two will live happily ever after.”
Marcus rubs his forehead. “Thank you but I am not sure my little heart can withstand another shoulder tattoo featuring the name of her boss, the formation of a pop girl band, bizarre family funerals and seeing her kiss a celebrity on TV.”
I fight back an army of stinging tears and avoid Marcus’s stare.
Jon slaps Marcus on the shoulder. “I don’t know you, Marcus but I can tell by the way you are looking at Roxy you are struggling to get her out of your head.”
Gloria extends a hand to Jon. “My brother is really struggling. He won’t shut up about her. I am Gloria, by the way.” She flashes him a sexy smile.
“Back off, Gloria,” says Orange Lorna, with her head still sticking out of the bush. “Jon’s mine.”
There will be more Roxy next week.