9.34 a.m. I have been staring at Beryl’s email for ages. When I hired Beryl as my author assistant I knew this situation was going to occur at some point.
I can’t come over today and help you finish writing your book. The bumper pack of prunes that you bought me has not worked!
Still no movement.
Once the blockage clears I will return to work.
Thank you for the ‘get well’ card and for the touching personal message of ‘hurry up Beryl – my book is not going to write itself!”
Today is not a good day.
There are still 9,789 words left to write on my latest novel ‘Beautiful & Kidnapped’. With Beryl out of writing action it is down to me to finish writing my book. The trouble is I don’t feel like writing…
9.35 a.m. Barbara Houghton, my new author friend, who I met in the toilets at her book signing (we were both suffering with book club hangovers) has emailed me the link to her latest book trailer video.
9.36 a.m. I am watching her book trailer of ‘Ghost Romance’.
9.37 a.m. Pause Barbara’s video to shriek with joy!
An amazing idea has just come to me. My new book ‘Beautiful & Kidnapped’ needs a book trailer video.
Yes!!! I love how being an author allows me to showcase some of my other creative talents such as film making.
9.49 a.m. Taking some deep breaths whilst looking out of the window. Trying to remain calm.
9.51 a.m. Waking up Keith. He arrived home from his factory night shift an hour ago and we have an agreement that I will only wake him in an emergency.
9.53 a.m. Arguing with Keith about my definition of an ’emergency’ and how he doesn’t view making a book trailer video as life threatening.
9.57 a.m. Still arguing with Keith.
Margaret the cat has joined in. She’s snarling at both of us.
9. 58 a.m. Keith is getting up to prove to me that he is supportive of my literary career and because he thinks the cat is possessed.
10.45 a.m. We have got Keith’s video camera out of a cupboard and are discussing casting.
“So you want a female to sit, tied to a chair…” explains Keith whilst pacing the room.
“And gagged” I say, interrupting him.
“But in your book Vivian isn’t gagged?” queries Keith.
“All the best books have inconsistencies!” I mutter.
Readers will be falling over themselves to buy my book once this trailer goes out. My body is trembling at the thought of tweeting the link to this cinematic masterpiece.
“You can’t put it live until your book is finished” explains Keith. “You told me you had about ten thousand words still to go and no one has given you any feedback on it yet”
I can feel myself prickling with agitation. Why does Keith always dampen my literary spirits?
“You know my feelings on getting feedback Keith” I hiss, casting him a dark look.
“Ok…calm down! I know people are jealous of your literary talents and try to talk you out of writing through feedback. I will leave the book writing to you” explains Keith, sensing trouble. “Hiring an actress might be costly.”
“We could use someone we know” I suggest.
“I am not sure we know someone who would be willing to star in such a production” Keith mumbles, scratching his head.
“We could ask your new darts team member Melanie?” I say after getting a flash of inspiration.
Keith and one-eyed Bob, his Darts pub team partner, have recruited a new member – Melanie.
Keith assures me that he and one-eyed Bob recruited Melanie on the basis of her dart throwing ability and their decision was not based on the fact that Melanie wears tight fitting clothes, has a Barbie like figure and squeals with laughter at their bad jokes.
Keith looks uncomfortable. “One-eyed Bob and I think she brings a lot to the team. i would hate to see that change” he mumbles.
1.56 p.m. Melanie has just tottered into our house on a pair of gigantic pink stilettos.
“Isn’t this great?” she squeaks, running her manicured nails through her long blonde hair. “I love a bit of acting!”
I am struggling to contain my excitement and proudly lead the way up to our makeshift film set – the attic.
“Melanie I like to give a lot of stage direction” I gush, taking the stairs two at a time. “I get obsessed about stuff a lot!”
“That means you are a professional Tina!” says Melanie, making me squeal with excitement.
“Is it a romance novel?” she asks, before we reach the attic.
“Sort of” I say quickly, visualising Vivian seducing her captor, evil but sexy Frank.
“What a cute little cat!” screeches Melanie, turning round to spot Margaret following us up the stairs.
“Please don’t look the cat in the eye Melanie!” Keith warns.
“Sorry Keith but I have to say hello to this beautiful kitty cat?” squeaks Melanie, encouraging Margaret the cat to join us.
I push open the attic door. “Our film set awaits!” I shout, feeling light headed at the prospect of directing my own book trailer.
“I have a really bad feeling about this” Keith mumbles, as Margaret the cat barges past him and into the attic.