How to Look Like a Writer in a Coffee Shop #Writers #AmWriting

writers

You may not have written anything spectacular, you may not have a novel out there or even write for that matter but you can still make people think you are a writer / famous novelist.

Here are some useful tips on achieving that all important ‘I am a writer’ look. It’s very fashionable and bang on trend.

We writers always hang out in coffee shops so this is the perfect location to give the general public the impression that you are a writer / famous novelist.  This is what my Saturday mornings are spent doing – sigh!

1. Look the writer part. Track suit bottoms / pyjamas, hair not seen a brush for days and that bleary eyed / been stuck in front of a laptop for days stare.

2. Your coffee order is a reflection of your creativity. As a writer you need to be ordering something creative. Make it wild, wonderful and overly complicated. Try something like a ‘Caramel Macchiato, Venti, Skim, Extra Shot, Extra-Hot, Extra-Whip, Sugar-Free’  and watch those behind you in the queue stare in amazement.

3. Make sure you have a pencil tucked behind you ear and you are wearing glasses. Even if you are using a laptop / tablet make sure you still have the pencil behind your ear. Glasses make you look brainy so whip some on. Together these simple touches scream ‘creative person’.

4. Place yourself by a window. Stare out of the window with creative expression on your face (blank look) and then start typing. Stop typing and return to gazing out of the window. Repeat ten times for maximum effect. It looks like you are getting creative inspiration for your novel from the world around you. No one needs to know you are typing your shopping list!

5. Stroke your chin a lot. Makes you look like you are in deep consideration mode and you are pondering over your next plot sequence. Make sure it is a stroke and not a scratch ladies, regular scratching of the chin can lead to awkward looks.

6. Mutter to yourself. Those characters inside your head need to come alive inside a coffee shop. This is what writers do – they make characters come alive. You are a creative person so this sort of thing is expected. Creative people who mutter to themselves always attract attention. Top tip: I find the stronger the coffee the more I will mutter.

7. Pile some paperback books around your laptop at the table. People instantly think you are a writer if you have books next to you. Such a simple trick! Just make out they are your earlier novels. Top tip – check that you are the same gender as the person who did write the novels. As a female there is ‘crash and burn’ potential if you try to make out you wrote a ‘John Grisham’ novel.

8.  If someone asks whether they can use one of your chairs say that your ‘literary agent’ will be sitting there shortly. This is such a jaw dropping statement to make. Watch their eyes widen after you say this. They will then return to their table, have a hushed conversation about you with someone and if you are lucky you will get a finger point. If you play this well you might even get a “can I have a selfie with you?” Sigh!

9. Yawn a lot whilst typing. Give the impression that you have been up all night writing your literary masterpiece.

10. Make loud imaginary phone call. Use a phrase like “they say I am the next J.K Rowling” whilst looking around and catching the eye of other customers who can’t stop staring at you. This works a treat with older people.

11. Use glamorous friend to pose as an agent. Thanks to M.L. Kappa for this gem.  Basically you ask a glamorous-looking friend to wear shades and a power suit and drop by pretending to be your agent.

Have a great day!
photo credit: Gui Seiz <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/45537764@N06/6575395943″>Quoffee</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

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I am a blonde writer of romantic comedy fiction.

96 thoughts on “How to Look Like a Writer in a Coffee Shop #Writers #AmWriting

  1. I’ll have to make use of these tips the next time I go to a caffee house. The problem for me is that I don’t drink coffee but whenever I see one of those extra special cappucino caramel mocca latte whipped cream creations I get such a craving for them. They look too cool. Ah well. Maybe I’ll put a pencil behind each ear to compensate.

  2. Great tips! My problem in coffee shops is I can’t write…the voices around me interfere with the words I am trying to think of. Weirdly, though, I have an enormous writing connection with such shops because there’s a coffee shop in central Wellington where I’ve been meeting various of my publishers for many years! (They serve good coffee, too).

    1. Thx Matthew – I just like to look like a writer – perhaps if I spent less time looking like a writer and actually being a writer I would finish my novel – food for thought 🙂

  3. These made me chuckle. I think I have number two covered: “Tall, classic hot chocolate, with a shot of peppermint, no cream.” Although I’m in there so much they start making it when I walk through the door 🙂

  4. I’ve another one… Ask a total stranger to keep an eye on your laptop while you go to the toilet. Only an indie writer would ever be so insanely optimistic as to imagine it will still be there when they return.

  5. Such a fun list 🙂 I know I’m guilty of #4, as I’m likely to stare blankly out of windows when inspiration isn’t hitting. Number 8 is a brilliant gem! I don’t have the stones to pull it off, but imagining it is fun 🙂

  6. Awesome, I’m gonna go out there and be a famous novelist! I even have the writer’s backpack to carry the books and laptop in for an added bonus. 😉

  7. haha Made me smile. Though how anyone could write in a coffee shop is beyond me. I can just about bare the maddening-babble long enough to order ‘creative coffee’ and head outside with it 🙂

  8. Oops…’bear’, not bare O_o.. Although, it might make a for a good story, to come across bare or bear in a coffee shop 😉

  9. Brilliant! I can’t write at home, so I always go to my favourite tea room – I usually find I’m far more productive in there than I am in the house – just too many distractions!

  10. I love this! You have such a fantastic sense of humor. In all honesty, I’m looking to get me a pair of the stereotypical ‘geek glasses’ just because I’d like to look more like a nerdy writer when I go places. Also, I love the ‘they say I’m going to be the next J.K Rowling’ part! Reading the first Harry Potter right now, (I know – so late to the party) and am loving it!

  11. #3 – I already use a pencil to hold my hair up/back most of the time. Does that count, or do I need to add a second pencil? Because I feel like if I’m adding a second pencil, it should really be used to take some of the load off of the first one… adding a third, non-structural pencil seems like overkill. And possibly a waste of pencils. Plus, if someone asks me for a pencil, I’m going to look like a twat when I claim not to have any – which I will absolutely do, with a straight face.

  12. Love this! I also get so engrossed with people watching that i start to invent storylines for them in my head… maybe coffee shops are a great inspiration all round 😀

    PS…i shall now be highly suspiscious of anyone sitting in a coffee shop with a pencil behind their ear, gazing wistfully out of the window, surrounded by books 😀

  13. Lol, this is great! I’m definitely going to pull the “literary agent” line when someone asks me for the empty chair across from me next time haha!

    1. It’s such a good move and if you are lucky you will hear a gasp followed by “she’s a writer – wonder if she’s famous?” Enjoy this special moment 🙋🏼

  14. Fab post, Lucy! I love writing in a coffee shop, but now I know I’ve been going about it all wrong, so thanks for the tips! Btw that last one is a clincher… But how many non-writer friends don’t work in the daytime? All my local friends (as opposed to virtual internet ones) have proper jobs… sigh 😆

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