Tag Archives: writers

10 Things That Can Happen to a Dull Character #writers #writerslife #amwriting

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Imagine this.

You are a dull and lifeless fictional character. I can hear you all groaning. Stay with me, I know it is a tough one.

Your writer thinks readers will prefer to sit and watch paint dry than read about your actions.

It is crunch time for you. You wait for your writer (currently sat with their head in their hands) to decide your fate. Your fictional heart is pounding and your fictional mouth has run dry. 

Other characters are giving you sympathetic looks, some are reaching out to administer a reassuring arm squeeze and some are whispering ‘good luck’ to you.

Here is a list of what could happen next to you:

  1. You could get renamed and maybe a physical makeover. Don’t ever think a gender change is off the table!
  2. You could be given a secret desire. Readers love secret desires.
  3. You could be given a dark secret. A clever writer will use both of these; the desire and the secret to create some sort of internal conflict inside you.
  4. Your dialogue could change if it is perceived to be slow and rambling.
  5. Your backstory could be livened up with some spicy stuff.
  6. You could be given some major flaws in your character. Interesting characters have memorable and unique flaws.
  7. You could have more interaction with another stronger character in the hope this will liven you up a bit.
  8. You might be thrown into some perilous and life changing situation to see how you would react.
  9. You could be killed / murdered / die of a mystery illness. Start saying your farewells to your fellow characters and….make it a good death!  No one wants to read about a dull death. If you are a character in a crime fiction or horror novel I pity you.
  10. You could be erased / deleted / relegated to the character rubbish dump. Gasp!  This, in my view,  is the worst thing that can happen to a fictional character. At least if they are killed / murdered or die in the story they have played some sort of role or had a purpose. Being deleted out of a story and never spoken of again must be tough.

 

Be gentle on your dull characters today writers!

Have a great day!

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The Comet #flashfiction #dragons #blogbattle

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It is the anniversary of the  Blog Battle contest and we are all posting our favourite entry from the last 12 months. 

I have written some bizarre and quite frankly random tales over the last year; about side tables, frogs, dating apps, mermaids, hot cross buns and secret agents who are in love. You would not believe how much cheese I have had to put away to fuel my creative brain cell. 

Out of all my stories this one holds a special place in my writer heart and will always be my favourite.

Apologies to all my followers who have waded through this one before…go make a cup of tea and move onto your next blogger’s post….its ok…sigh!

 

The Comet

The residents of Draco Street awoke, yawned, stretched and shuffled over to their windows to open their curtains. The sight that greeted them outside made their eyes widen and mouths fall open in shock.

‘Harold’ Pauline mumbled from the bedroom window.

‘It is…. all….silver’ she said quietly, making her husband Harold quickly put down his newspaper. His wife rarely said anything quietly.

‘Your prize wining roses are ruined’ she said, whirling round to face him with a worried expression.

‘What?’ Harold cried, pulling himself out of bed and rushing to the window. For a moment they both stood and stared.

The world had turned silver. Overnight a strange silver substance had coated everything in sight; pavements, gardens, cars, roofs, driveways and the road.

Harold took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His hybrid tea roses, once a beautiful pink blend were now an odd metallic silver colour.

‘Oh my goodness!’ he whispered, gripping the windowsill and feeling the blood drain from his face. His beloved garden was now hidden beneath a blanket of silver powder.

Tears pricked his eyes and he reached out a trembling hand towards his wife. ‘What on earth has happened out there?’ he whispered.

Pauline responded by batting away his arm and giving him a sharp nudge in the ribs. ‘What is that strange boy doing?’ she asked, pointing towards the young boy sat on the silver coated pavement below, gazing up into the sky.

Harold glanced at the boy. It was Peter from two houses down.

‘Oh…yes…erm..his Grandfather Eric passed away a couple of days ago, I think he’s a bit upset’ he explained. For a moment Harold stopped fretting about his prize winning roses and felt a pang of sadness for the small solitary figure sat by the road.

Pauline shook her head disapprovingly. ‘I think you better go and investigate. This is all very strange!’ She pushed her husband towards the bedroom door and guided him down the stairs.

Harold found himself shoved outside in his pyjamas. There was a deathly silence to the street. No birds were twittering, no sounds of cars, no rustling trees, nothing. He looked around.

The strange silver powder glowed in the pale morning sunlight and he shielded his sleepy eyes.

‘My roses’ he gasped and staggered across his silver lawn. Once he reached them he gently tapped one of the rose heads. A cloud of silver dust fluttered into the air revealing a delicate pink rose. He exhaled loudly as a warm sense of relief flooded through him. His precious roses were not damaged.

Harold looked over at the boy. He looked like someone in need of a bit of company.

A door opened and closed loudly from the house opposite, stopping him in his tracks. A tall man appeared in a t-shirt and shorts. He was rubbing his eyes in amazement at his silver carpeted driveway.

‘Morning Mike!’ said Harold, giving his neighbour a friendly wave.

‘Good grief look at the mess it made!’ shrieked Mike, surveying his drive and pulling out a pair of gardening gloves, tucked into his shorts.

‘You know what did this?’ Harold asked, pointing to his silver coated lawn.

‘A comet mate’ said Mike, staring at his now silver coated car, his hands placed firmly on his hips.

‘Really Mike?’ Harold felt his back stiffen and his heart start to race. ‘A comet?’

‘It was all over the news last night. A strange orange glow in the sky’ said Mike wiping away a thick layer of silver dust from his car windscreen.

‘Well I never -a comet!’ exclaimed Harold, turning to survey his garden.

‘We tried looking at the sky to see if we could see it but the wife got bored!’ explained Mike. ‘She was desperate to get back on the shopping channel!’

Crouching down Harold picked up a handful of the silver powder and held it up to the light. It sparkled so much it felt like he was holding a powder made from crushed diamonds. ‘It is so beautiful’ he marvelled.

‘It is a nuisance!’ Mike said shaking silver dust from his gloves.

‘You need to go turn on the TV Harold’ said Mike. ‘They have all these comet experts being interviewed!’

‘Comet experts eh? It must be true!’ said Harold sifting the fine silver powder in his hand and wondering how far the comet had travelled before reaching its final destination.

‘What else could it be?’ Mike asked, scratching his head looking at his silver garden.

Their attentions turned to the boy called Peter. The boy had stopped looking up into the sky and was busy opening an old leather bound book.

Harold and Mike watched him carefully turn the pages.

For a moment Harold remembered the boy’s grandfather Eric, a strange old man who had spent much of his life living like a hermit up in the hills. Eric refused to have any contact with any of his family other than Peter.

There had been lots of rumours about Eric’s solitary existence in the wilderness over the years. Reports of unexplained lights in the sky above the hills and tales of climbers experiencing earth tremors had fuelled people’s suspicions about Eric.

‘Hey Peter did you see the comet on TV?’ shouted Mike.

‘It was not a comet!’ came the reply from the boy.

Both Mike and Harold glanced at each other.

‘What was it then?’ said Mike winking at Harold.

Peter looked up at them and spoke with such conviction that Harold felt the hairs on his neck stand on end. ‘A Silver Ridge Back Dragon died last night!’

Mike chuckled and shook his head. ‘Ha! Dragons don’t exist kid!’

Peter ignored the men. He flicked through the old leather book that his grandfather had given it to him before he died.

His index finger found the section he wanted, it was titled ‘The death of a Silver Ridge Back dragon’

Silver Ridge Back Dragon – A beautiful silver dragon which is known to remain loyal to its dragon keeper. Silver Ridge Backs have been known to die after the death of their keeper.

The death of a Silver Ridge Back dragon is quite a spectacle. It is the only type of dragon that chooses to die at night and during flight. 

The Silver Ridge Back launches itself into the night sky for one last time. For its final flight this magnificent creature shoots across the sky at a death defying speed, encased in a brilliant orange glow. As it takes its last fiery breath the dragon explodes into a million tiny silver particles, which shower the earth below.

To the untrained eye the death of a Silver Ridge Back Dragon can get mistaken for a comet.

The End

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5 Stages of a Writer Starting a New Form of Social Media #SundayBlogShare #writers

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Writer Starting New Social Media

  1. The Buzz. Everyone you know is talking about this form of social media – which you are currently not using. They are like ‘wow – its crazy on here!’ and ‘this is where the literary party is at – woo woo!’  You try to shake them off by saying ‘I have enough forms of social media to manage thank you very much,  I might try it later in the year!’  They don’t listen to you and keep telling you about how great life is on [enter social media of your choice]. As well as listening to this excited chatter, every blog post, tweet or Facebook writing related post that you read is talking about this particular form of social media. It is like the entire online community is pointing you towards it. There is no escape from the buzz. Then you read a game changing literary article online or in a writing magazine which says something along the lines of ‘you must be on this form of social media for a literary agent to consider you’ – gasp! Those pesky literary agents are making you jump through social media hoops again – sigh!
  2. Assess Existing Forms of Social Media. This is the stage where you assess whether you can physically and mentally take on another form of social media. You will already be feeling that managing social media is becoming a juggling act what with posting, tweeting, pinning, tagging and hash tagging everything you write. During this stage you will find yourself doing the obligatory writer’s groan at the prospect of another form of social media to fiddle with. The trouble will be that you can’t get that article out of your head even though adding another form of social media to your literary plate makes you yawn and feel exhausted. In the end the literary agent threat wins and you decide that you might as well join this social media party. You tell yourself that your free writing time was eaten up a long time ago…by social media. Sigh!
  3. Profile Dilemma. As with any form of social media you go through the initial profile dilemma – how should I look in my photo? What should my bio say about me? If I go for this photo do I look like a serious writer or do I look like some crazy amateur? If I wear my hair like this – do you think it screams ‘creative person’ or ‘she is desperate for a book deal’?  In my bio – do I just say I like reading, writing and social media?  This is such a frustrating stage of that process. After getting sick and tired of photo editing yourself and not recognising the person staring back at you it goes live. Cue the obligatory ‘oh what the hell!’
  4. Initial sprint. You hit the ground running; following everyone under the sun, liking stuff and commenting on anything and everything. This is a period of intense activity and the coffee machine will not have seen so much coffee action from you in a long time. You start to attract some followers and some likes. It doesn’t feel like the party zone your writer friends made out it to be but maybe that’s down to your frazzled writer state. Sigh!
  5. Normality. This is the stage where things return to normality. For some writers this can happen quite quickly.  The excitement for this new form of social media wears off in a matter of days and you revert back to your writing. You will have noticed some advantages of being on this form of social media. There are some readers and book reviewers on there and maybe it won’t be so hard to maintain. It goes into your social media management system and is added to your list. Anything at the top of your social media list gets regular attention and the rest….when you are in the mood to play with or looking for an excuse not to write – sigh!

Have a fantastic day writers!

Photo: Shutterstock

Author Interviews Week 1 Helen Treharne @Tea_Talks #authors #writers

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Author Interviews

As you will know from my post last week I am running a weekly feature on my blog, every Saturday, where i interview authors and find out a little bit more about the person behind the book.

So, Helen Treharne, welcome to my red chair! 

You are the first author to sit in it so just relax and enjoy this special moment in your literary career – sigh! 

Ok, if you are sitting comfortably I will begin. 

1. Tell me about yourself and the book / books you have written?

First of all, I was raised to be polite, so thank you for having me over today. I love following your blog so being asked to pop over for an interview is a real treat! 

For the benefit of those who don’t know me, I’m the creator of the “Sophie Morgan Vampire Series”, an urban fantasy series set primarily in Cardiff and the fictional town of Bethel. 

There are two books in the series, Relative Strangers being the first, and the sequel, Death in the Family. I’ve also self published a collection of short stories and flash fiction, as well as a collection of urban poetry intended as spoken word. I live in South Wales with my husband, new baby and two cats.

2. When did you write your first book?

I started writing Relative Strangers four years ago, having had a couple of false starts with other books. I initially self published it to see if anyone would actually buy it, although it wasn’t in the best of shape, but it got me noticed by US publisher Booktrope who signed the series in 2015. It has since been republished alongside the second book in February.

3. How long did it take to write your first book?

It took around two years which is shameful really! I dipped in and out and had long periods when I didn’t write at all and others when I took a break to freshen my perspective and to work on other projects. The end product looks very different to how it first started and that’s a good thing. Taking some time apart from your manuscript is important.

4. What was your motivation to write your first book?

Honestly? I just wanted to see if I could get 80,000 words down on paper. That sounds terribly self indulgent doesn’t it? I always wanted to be a writer as a child but like many adults, the grown up world of responsibilities soon came knocking and it never felt like it could be more than a folly.

The idea came at a time when I was beginning to reevaluate my career and what I wanted to do with my life. I was reading a book that said that you should try and do what you enjoyed doing as a child before the world “got at you.” I started writing a few bits here and there – a short story, a blog post, a few false starts or ideas for novels. Nothing really happened and then the concept for Relative Strangers hit me. Once I’d written a few pages, it just snowballed and I wouldn’t be defeated. I had to finish it. I can be a little obsessive in that respect. It certainly awakened something in me.

5. What writing issues did you encounter along the way and how did you overcome them?

Time. Time. Time. Like many emerging authors, juggling a “day job” and knuckling down to write can also be tough. With Relative Strangers I found that planning to write every day just wasn’t feasible so I would often spend a couple of days at a time on a writing binge, then nothing for days. Travelling with work was surprisingly helpful – I spent many evenings in a hotel room over my laptop because the TV didn’t work.

Another issue as an independent author was getting balanced critique. I self published Relative Strangers after several author friends looked at it and substantively it was in good shape but lots of errors and things I wasn’t happy with (in retrospect) slipped through. As a result, early reviews were mixed but it was a useful testing ground. Sites like Wattpad or your own blog can be a good way of getting feedback, plus beta-readers of course but that won’t deal with the detail.

When I wrote the sequel I employed a freelance editor and she was worth every single penny. I’m positive that if it wasn’t for her work on the second book, the series wouldn’t have been picked up by a publisher. I have been lucky enough to work with a fabulous editor with Booktrope who has made my work even better.

6. Did you go through any bad writing patches during writing your book – what kept you going?

I definitely did on Relative Strangers. Writing a novel was a whole new discipline and it’s unlike writing for competitions, blogs or short stories. Learning any new skill is tough and sometimes you want to quit. The biggest hurdle for me came after a bereavement in my close family and another major personal loss. I barely functioned most days so being creative in such a disciplined way was something I couldn’t commit to. I took some time out from my manuscript and starting penning flash fiction and short stories whenever I felt the mood. The result, Off the Bench: Fiction to Feed the Soul, is now available exclusively at Amazon for Kindle. It’s deeply personal but it helped me work through my emotions as well as continue to write.

7. Are you a plotter or do you just write / see what happens?

I’m not much of a plotter at the beginning. I generally have an idea of how a story will unfold and then I’ll write a detailed outlined – it’s a bit of a stream of consciousness but it works for me. I’ll then take some time out and go back, carve it up and drill down into it. That can be anything from adding more copious notes or writing the individual scenes on post it notes, sticking them on a wall and looking for anomalies, gaps and improvements. I’m currently working on the third book in the Sophie Morgan Series which has elements of a traditional mystery so I’m trying to be more disciplined with that.

8. What is the best thing about being a writer?

Sharing my characters. I’m very lucky that they already come quite well developed when they pop into my head but it can get very busy in there, so getting them down on paper and working to make them fully formed is wonderful. Seeing them brought to life on paper is so rewarding. It’s lovely when readers come back and tell you which is their favourite or how they’ve imagined them and they reflect your own thinking. Occasionally, I’m surprised though and that’s fun too. I always imagine Charles Ferrers, one of Sophie’s main adversaries, played by actor Mark Gatiss, although a close friend imagines Vigo Mortensen. It just goes to show you powerful the imagination is!

9. What is the worst thing about being a writer?

Return on your investment. Writers work phenomenally hard, but the market is flooded by books and it’s incredibly competitive. The majority of writers will only ever make a modest income from their writing and many will have to juggle writing with other jobs to make ends meet. It’s also very difficult to get noticed. Producing a wonderful piece of prose doesn’t guarantee anything and lots of talent remains unnoticed. Yes, success is down in most cases to good writing but timing, luck and what the market is interested in at any one time plays a huge part.

10. Have you ever considered quitting writing and if so how have you worked through this?

Only momentarily when I’ve fallen out of love with a project or life seems to get in the way. Then, I just take time out to work on a different project or allow myself a holiday. I did very little writing when I was pregnant as the logistics of sitting at a desk for prolonged periods and generally feeling “ick” didn’t make for a conducive environment. You just have to find other relevant things to keep you interested though – read lots, scribble ideas for future projects down, note down interesting dialogue you overhear or interesting places – it’s all fodder for writing down the line.

11. What does a typical writing day look like for you?

With a new baby, there is no typical day at the moment. Writing time is snatched here and there. I usually find some time in the morning or late at night when the baby is sleeping. Then there’s some furious typing for half and hour or so. In between that, I tend to be on my tablet or phone, noting ideas as they happen or fitting in some marketing activities or social media stuff.

12. Do you suffer from procrastination and if so how do you handle it?

Not really. Once I’ve got an idea or notion to do something I like to get it “out there.”

13. Which is more important – plot or characters and why?

Characters. Plot is just what happens to people or how people respond to things. Without characters you have nothing. No actin. No story. You need well crafted characters for the story to be believable.

14. What have been your 3 biggest learnings during your writing career?

For me, I can’t just sit down and write on demand. This surprised me as all “the books” will tell you to sit down and write something – anything – at a particular time every day or some such. For me, that doesn’t work. If I haven’t got something relevant to say, I’ll just end up on my Facebook author page or Twitter feed.

Writers aren’t that competitive with each other. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come across some fairly unpleasant people on social media – one writer for example who hurled abuse at me for not following them – but that’s true in all walks of life. On the whole though, authors are incredibly supportive of each other. I’ve made some wonderful friends over the last few years. We’ve recommended each other to readers, worked together on marketing initiatives, checked in with each other to see how we are doing, provided advice, feedback…. you name it. Its’ a wonderful community. I suspect it’s because on the whole we all appreciate how much work it takes to be successful. If you can extend a hand to help someone up the ladder, why wouldn’t you?

Finally, the amount of marketing you have to do as an author. My professional background is primarily sales, business, marketing, communications but nothing can prepared me for the effort and nuance of marketing a book. Even when you have a publishing deal you must be prepared to do a large amount of the leg work yourself – from organizing PR events to running multiple social media platforms.

15. How do you manage social media as a writer?

I primarily use Facebook, Twitter and my website blog, although I’m also on most other platforms. I use Hootsuite for scheduling posts in advance where appropriate and for managing who I follow – I tend to have diverse interests so it’s useful to be able to go to one list or stream easily and see what’s going on with a particular group of people. I generally pop on for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening to check messages, tweet and generally see what’s going on in the world. One piece of advice I would give if I may is that authors shouldn’t just follow other authors. While they are very often readers too, you need to engage with your target audience so make sure you’re in conversations or groups with your potential readers. You also need to be authentic – don’t just bang on about “buy my book” all the time – use social media as an actual person with genuine interests.

16. Do you have any tips or advice for budding aspiring authors?

Write for you. Stick at it. Listen to advice but write to a schedule a that suits you. Read a lot.

17. Do you suffer from writer’s block and if so how do you overcome?

Don’t hate me but no. I’ve been stuck on a project from time to time, and even bored (this can happen once you’re on the third round of editing), but I’m rarely stuck for an idea. If you’re stuck on a project, put it in a drawer and start something else – if after a break you’re still not “feeling it” then it may be a bad idea, an idea that needs a lot more work, or just not the right time. It sounds harsh but I honestly think it’s true.

18. Do you ever think of the next book whilst writing?

I’m always about two books ahead. I’m currently writing the third in the Sophie Morgan Vampire Series and I’ve an idea for a fourth, plus a paranormal mystery.

19. What do you wear to write?

Currently, pajamas covered in baby spit.

Thanks Helen – a great interview.

I have got some useful stuff from this interview:

  • Engaging with your book target audience on social media. Great tip. 
  • You come across as a ‘can do’ person and I admire your ‘get it out there’ approach with new ideas. I need to adopt this.
  • I love how you are already two books ahead. 
  • I am loving the writer look – pjs covered in baby spit. 

Many thanks Helen x  

Helen’s blog can be found here.

Helen is on Twitter

Helen’s books are available here:

Buy Relative Strangers here:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
iBooks
Waterstones

Buy the sequel, Death in the Family, here
Amazon
Barnes and Noble 
iBooks

Next week Kelsey Horton will be sitting in my red chair. 

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10 Signs of a Book Hangover #bookaddict #bookworm #amreading

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This is a terrible and debilitating condition for readers. 

A book hangover normally strikes after the reader finishes a book that they have grown emotionally attached to.  Returning to normal life is difficult for the reader and in some cases they will feel like a shadow of their former self. 

A reader cannot say whether they are emotionally attached to a book until they reach the last page and have to say goodbye to the lovable characters, the setting that feels like a second home, the author’s reassuring tone and the uplifting plot. 

A typical book hangover can last up to two – three weeks. However there are some readers out there who are still suffering some months / years on.

I still haven’t been able to shake my lifelong book hangover. As a child I read Charles Kingsley’s ‘The Water Babies’ and have suffered ever since. A terrible affliction which makes me unable to appreciate a good chimney breast.

Here are some tell-tale signs that you are suffering from a book hangover:

  1. It has been a day since you finished your book and you can’t stop wondering about how those characters are getting on now, after all that emotional turmoil and stress has gone.
  2. In your head you act out what ‘life afterwards’ looks like for everyone in the book.
  3. Waking up in the middle of the night and shouting out your favourite character’s name, makimg your loved one leap out of bed in fright.
  4. Adopting your favourite character’s mannerisms and phrases in day to day life.
  5. The thought of starting another book makes you get a little teary.
  6. Feeling like someone has turned the light off in your life.
  7. Unable to think about anything else other than the book for a period of time.
  8. Going quiet in book conversations, staring into space and whispering ‘I miss you!’
  9. Pestering the author with emails like ‘Did they get married?’ and ‘Some of us need closure – for godsake please write a sequel….nothing major needs to happen…some of us are desperate to find out what life was like for him with his dodgy foot / nasty limp..’
  10. Feeling emotionally wrung out and a bit tired for a period of time. 

As always with my posts I like to encourage interaction so if you think I have missed any tell-tale signs please let me know and I will quote / add a link to you.

Have a great day!

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If a Place Called Writing Town Existed…#writerslife #writer #amwriting

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For today’s post I have imagined that there is a place called Writing Town. It is where we all hang out on a daily basis.

For noting – this week I have had a stinking cold (bedridden) and this post was written whilst I had a temperature / on heavy duty cold medication – all of which took me to another place in my head – sigh!

So, Writing Town – what does it look like?

Well, I have drawn up some of the areas and districts which I think would exist in Writing Town:

  • Procrastination Boulevard – an exciting and vibrant part of town. It draws us all in and some of us struggle to stay away from its many bars, clubs and shops including the gift shop ‘Faux Dreams’ where everything is .50 or less so you’ll spend a lot of time in there and there is credit available (Thx to Chris for the gift shop idea). There is such a good vibe to the boulevard and it is a difficult place to leave. Some of us spend too much time here because it’s so appealing!
  • Social Media Square. This would be a giant square filled with loads of people. There would be lots of excited chatter and there would be a real buzz to this place at certain times of the day. I would spend a lot of my time here.
  • Writer’s Block Alley.  Situated in a rough and dodgy part of town. A long dark alley which makes you feel like there will be no return once you set foot in it. You can wander about this dark alley aimlessly for hours, days or even weeks.
  • River of Writer’s Reflection. A charming river lined with benches and grassy verges. This is where we all go to whilst deep in reflection. Thinking about what the hell we are doing with our writing careers, chewing over the decision to quit and reflecting on our past literary mistakes.
  • Theatre of Rave Reviews. This is where writers are honored weekly with reviews and given a medal that consists of 3-5 stars. (Thx to Chris for this gem!)
  • Writer’s Graft Office Blocks. This is where we all go when we need to do some actual work. Some of us whistle, skip and sing as we enter these office blocks whilst some of us dawdle, drag our feet and moan as we start our daily work. Then there are some who say ‘stuff this!’, hail a taxi and head off to Procrastination Boulevard.
  • Inner Turmoil District. A dark and gloomy part of town. Full of little bars, cafes and taverns where we all go to when we are in inner turmoil with our writing. These are the quiet and dark places we creep off to when we need to drown our sorrows and sink into writer depression.
  • Bloggers Market Place. A fun and lively part of Writer’s Town. Filled with lots of colourful and interesting stalls. You can always find interesting stuff here and you can meet some fab people. Some of us writers spend too long in the Bloggers Market Place and not enough time in the Graft Office Blocks. Sigh!
  • Feedback Central. This is an interesting part of town as depending on your reviewers feedback it can feel like either the locals are chucking rotten veg at you or they are showering you with golden stars. Nobody goes to this place willingly but it’s somewhere we have to go regularly.
  • Publication Hospital. This is where our creative masterpieces are born and seek treatment. (Thx to Simon for this gem)
  • The Dark Night of the Soul – a pub with dark furniture, with high windows and black dust-covered drapes, through which a dull light penetrates. Bitter beer is served in this pub where many of us drink from time to time and ponder on the meaning of things. (Thx to Kevin for this gem)
  • First Draft Dump. This is at the far east end of town. We go here to turn over the rotting faeces of prose in the hope of finding something worth using as a shelter for our writerly neurosis. There is so much junk here; broken stanzas, rusty grammar tools, whole sentences whose verbs ariddled with pretension and one suicidal editor who someone has managed to talk down from a teetering slush. (Thx to TanGental for this gem!)
  • Day Job Train Station. This is how we travel about in Writing Town, the train goes to the writerly hub of ‘Social Media Square’ with frequented stops at “The Dark Night of the Soul” and “River of Writer’s Reflection.” The station is frequented by writers who sell their life away for the promise of food and stability. Sigh….(Thx to Amy for this gem)
  • Literary Heights. This is an exclusive part of town and one which some of us can only dream about. Its full of plush buildings, exclusive boutiques and is a much sought after area. We are all striving to move here.

As always please let me know whether you can add to this list in terms of districts or areas that you would frequent?

Plus – let me know which parts of Writing Town you would hang out in?

I hope you have an amazing day!

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5 Stages: Letting Go of Your Blog Stats Obsession #bloggingtips #bloggers #writers

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  1. Emotional Attachment to Blog Stats. You are in a crabby mood; glum facial expression, stomping about, loud sighing and you have let the odd door slam shut. Anyone would think you’d just received some bad news; like being told you didn’t get your dream job or being told your car is going to cost a small fortune to repair at the garage or being forced to watch your beloved pet cat finally decide to go live with the woman up the street who it has been secretly cuddling (behind your back) for years. But no – the reason why you look like a bulldog chewing a thistle is that your daily blogging stats are down. In your head this means the online world doesn’t love you!  Gasp! A loved one comments on your low mood and reminds you of how you were goofy happy only two days ago. You glance at your stats tool and see that was when you experienced a peak in blog views. An image of you dancing merrily around the house in celebration springs to mind. It feels like a distant memory. You let out a sigh and go back to figuring out why the online world is not showing you any love for the second day running.
  2. Denial. A close friend or a loved one makes a joke about how obsessed you are with your blog stats and you find yourself looking in horror. How dare they make such an accusation?  You – obsessed?  The cheek of some people these days – huh! You race off to have a private word with yourself. After a thirty-second assessment of your blogging life you come to the swift conclusion that you are not obsessed with your blog stats, you just have a healthy interest in number crunching.  You tell yourself that your blog stats need an hourly review and that’s not the sign of someone who is obsessed! You frantically start to search for blog posts from other bloggers on the subject of ‘being obsessed with blog stats’ and you find yourself adding comment after comment ‘My stats tool is something I occasionally look at…if that…yawn!’
  3. Realisation. It slowly dawns on you that maybe you do have a thing  (you cannot bring yourself to use the word obsession) for your blogging stats. This revelation normally occurs after a series of bad blogging days where your views flatlined, leaving you in a tear-stained mess on the floor. You also were checking your stats in ten minute intervals and letting out a wail after each review. Before you hit the ‘go crazy button’ a little voice somewhere deep inside you says ‘in the grand scheme of things – is it worth getting agitated about?’
  4. Mindset Change. This is the glorious stage where you change your mindset towards blog stats. It really is a lovely stage to reach because you take the pressure off yourself. You think back to why you started blogging and write down all the reasons why you created your blog. On your list you have things like letting off some creative steam, sharing some writing, hanging out with online friends and having something cool to say when people ask you what you do in your spare time. You have the first proper discussion with yourself and even though your stats have dipped you remind yourself that you are still doing all of the things on your list. So you decide not to check your stats for a few days. You also decide to get back to enjoying writing blog posts.
  5. A New Dawn. Its like magic – you stop obsessing about your blog stats, revert back to enjoying writing posts and voila – after a few weeks up go your stats!! Obviously you were not paying that much attention to them in your new era of ‘only check my stats tool every 3 days…. 2 days if I am feeling desperate and every day if I think the world is ending soon’. 

This is the beauty of the blogging world – over think things too much and your stats go down. Keep a reality check on your blogging and enjoy writing good posts – your stats go up!

Have a great day!

 

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The Writing Club #BlogBattle #comedy #writers

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Welcome to my weekly comedy blog series ‘The Writing Club’

Each episode follows the emotional highs and lows of a local writing club, who meet in Alfie’s Coffee Shop every Thursday.

If you missed last week’s episode please click here.

Thursday

Alfie stood and watched the writers enter his coffee shop. At first he didn’t recognise Tina, the thriller writer, walking over to the writer’s table. After a second look he realised she possessed a radical new hairstyle. He sensed trouble and started to prepare the writer’s drinks.

‘Hello writers!’ said Matt, Writing Club leader. ‘Tonight we are just doing writing updates as I want to check up on how you are all getting on. Now Tina do you want to go first?’ he asked staring at the transformed Tina.

‘TINA?’ shrieked Darcy, her eyes fixed on Tina’s new pixie hair cut.

‘This is all part of my book research Darcy!’ announced Tina. ‘My main character cuts off her own hair whilst being held prisoner. I wanted to see what that felt like’ she said cheerfully.

An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. All writers and Alfie stared at Tina’s tufty new hair cut.

‘Does Keith like it Tina love?’ asked Moira, referring to Tina’s boyfriend and looking concerned at the severity of the new cut.

‘He doesn’t understand that a successful writer like myself will go to extreme lengths to research a book’ said Tina, letting out a sigh.

‘I am hoping all this insight will help your book?’ asked Matt.

‘I have enjoyed doing all this research’ said Tina. ‘I believe I have a bestseller on my hands and I have already started preparing myself for literary press interviews!’

‘Have you finished writing it? asked Karl.

‘No not started writing it Karl as I have been busy with other important stuff’ explained Tina. ‘Keith and I have been doing a spot of role play. He’s the literary agent and he’s begging, like proper begging on his knees, for me to work with him after reading my draft!’

‘I bet the long winter evenings are flying by in your house’ said Karl. 

‘Great!’ said Matt looking bewildered and turning to face another writer. 

‘Stacey how is your writing world of horror and zombies?’ he asked.

The blonde horror writer looked up from her notebook, held his gaze and smiled. Little did she know that every time she did this he melted inside. His eyes took in her delicate pink lips, cute button nose and sea blue eyes, housed under a thick black canopy of lashes. For a moment he felt a bit wobbly.

‘I have started a podcast!’ announced Stacey with a huge grin.

‘Wow!’ exclaimed Matt, his heart flipping over inside his chest.

‘I have recorded one of my horror stories and turned it into a weekly podcast’ said Stacey, beaming at the other writers around the table.

‘That is so cool!’ said Darcy. ‘Does it have a name?’

‘Its called ‘Head Eaters‘ and I have hired some student actors to act it out?’ exclaimed Stacey.

An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club.

Moira was the first to break the silence. ‘That sounds very….unique Stacey love’

‘I can tell you are all desperate to hear it’ Stacey said, pressing play on her iPad and not noticing Alfie covering his ears.

A minute into the podcast and Alfie’s coffee shop was filled with the sounds of piercing screams, blood curdling moans and dying whimpers. Whilst Stacey sat with a dreamy expression on her face every other writer was urging Matt to turn it off.

Eventually the podcast ended.

‘Good grief!’ exclaimed Richard, the military fiction writer, shaking his head at Stacey. ‘It’s a good job Mission Control is coming to pick me up tonight. I feel very unsettled after listening to that!’

‘People actually download that?’ asked Karl the comedy writer.

‘Yep! The next part is out next week!’ sighed Stacey slipping her skull iPad case into her bag. ‘Having a podcast has really helped promote my blogs and books.’ 

Matt imagined himself romantically cuddling Stacey on a sofa whilst listening to her ‘Head Eaters’ podcast. He shivered and quickly looked at Darcy. ‘Ok Darcy, how is your new novel Date-aholic doing?’

Darcy smiled. ‘It is doing really well. I am so chuffed!’ she gushed.

Tina rolled her eyes.  ‘How is your older male reader fan club?’ she asked before biting into a large cookie.

‘I was a bit gutted last week when I realised my readers were not going to be an extension of my girlie friendship circle’ Darcy explained, twirling loops of her long hair around her finger.

‘Readers are readers’ said Moira. ‘Surely it doesn’t matter what they look like?’

‘Yes Moira but I wanted female readers who enjoy going for coffee, discussing clothes and having a laugh on social media. I didn’t think an older male readership could work for me’ explained Darcy.

‘At least you have readers!’ snapped Tina. ‘Some of us have written two books, published them on Amazon and still no sign of any readers!’

Another awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. Moira silently handed Tina another cookie.

Darcy spoke first. ‘My older male readers are actually a bit of a giggle, I love their tweets; straight to the point and a little bit naughty!’ she gushed.

‘Will this change your dating preferences? Are you getting rid of the no man above twenty five rule?’ asked Karl with an excited look on his face.

Darcy grinned. ‘You are a mind reader Karl, I have ticked the next age profile box on all my dating apps!’ she squealed.

‘You have my number!’ said Karl giving Darcy a wink. ‘I am free anytime!’

Matt turned to Moira. ‘How are things going in the Romantic Fiction world?’

‘My debut book will be available soon’ giggled Moira. ‘It’s called ‘The Passionate Waiter’ and I am not saying anymore about the plot. I don’t want to give anything away!’

‘Ok Richard, any update from you?’ asked Matt, trying to stop gazing at Stacey.

Richard shook his head. ‘Mission Control’s birthday week so I’ve not been allowed in the writing cockpit’ he said, referring to his wife.

‘Karl any update?’ asked Matt.

‘Working on something new, I will reveal next week’ said Karl. ‘Can I just ask Tina something?’

Matt nodded.

‘Have you finished your book research now Tina? he asked.

‘I have one last piece of insight to get’ said Tina trying to swallow a large piece of cookie.

‘Can you share with us?’ asked Karl.

‘My book ends with my main female character overthrowing her captor and leaving him for dead in her attic prison’ she explained.

Moira reached over and gave Tina’s arm a squeeze. ‘Do you not think poor Keith has suffered enough these past few weeks love?’

For more Writing Club stories please click here. 

This was my entry into the Blog Battle competition, a fierce international fiction writing contest run by the one and only Rachael Ritchey. If you want to enter please click here and head over to Rachael’s blog. 

The word this week is hair.

The genre is comedy.
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10 Reasons Why a Writer’s Mother is Special #mothersday #writers #SundayBlogShare

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  1. They truly believe that you are one day going to be the next J.K. Rowling.
  2. They listen intently to your stories.
  3.  No matter how dire your work sounds they always give you praise.
  4. They encourage you to read and love books.
  5. They tell you not to give up on your dreams.
  6. They listen to you sob and wail at the end of the phone when someone has told you something about your writing that you didn’t want to hear.
  7. They ask how your writing is coming along even when you would rather talk about the weather / avoid the subject of your work at all costs.
  8. They never think your stories are naff. They always find something positive about them even when you are groaning with your head in your hands.
  9. They will buy your book, even if no one else will.
  10. They always laugh at your jokes if you write comedy stuff. Even when no one else does.

Happy Mother’s Day to all out there.

I am dedicating my post to my Mum, Susan, who is my biggest fan and will buy my book, even if no else does. Sigh! That’s one guaranteed future sale. At least I will be able to say ‘someone bought it!’ – lol! 

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15 Reasons Why I Am Launching New Weekly Author Interview Blog Slot #writers #authors

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Exciting times on my blog. Every Saturday going forward I am offering authors the chance to be interviewed by me (sigh!) and appear on my blog. 

The interview will be published on my blog as well as being tweeted, pinned and posted on social media.

I am also going to create a page on my blog and provide links to all the interviews that I do over time. 

This blog series will hopefully be of interest to others, share some best practices  and my ultimate goal is that a snippet of advice / insight shared in one of the interviews makes a difference to someone out there. 

Here are the reasons why I am doing this:

  1. I am an aspiring author and I want to learn from others. 
  2. I struggle with motivation and procrastination so I am interested to see how other writers handle these issues. 
  3. I am always looking to widen my reading list. 
  4. I suffer from doom and gloom writing days and I am curious to know how other writers work through these. 
  5. I want to know what motivates authors to write their book. Is it a childhood dream? Is it an idea that has not gone away? Is it the prospect of future fame and glory? Sigh!
  6. I am really interested in what typical writing days look like for other authors. 
  7. I have done a couple of posts on looking like a writer and what writers wear so I am looking to gain some author fashion insight from it.
  8. I am hoping doing a feature like this will help others.
  9. I am hoping this feature inspires me. I am currently languishing in the Writer’s Block part of town. Words are not my friends at the moment.
  10. I am hoping this blog gives some authors and their work some more exposure. It all helps! 
  11. Saturday mornings are great for coffee and blog post reading. 
  12. I am hoping it will grow my network of writers. 
  13. I have always wanted to interview people.
  14. I saw the photo of the red chair and old wall on Photopin and knew I had to come up with a regular feature with it included.
  15. I want my blog to help others as so many people have helped me. 

Next Saturday – I am hoping to go live with my first author interview. Eeeek! Fingers crossed some poor soul agrees to sit in my virtual red chair before then – sigh! 

If any of you authors want to be interviewed please get in touch. 

Have a fantastic day! 

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