Welcome to my weekly blog comedy series ‘The Writing Club’
This series follows the emotional highs and lows of a local writing club who meet regularly at Alfie’s Coffee Shop.
Darcy, the ChickLit writer, had taken over the Writing Club session.
Her latest book ‘Dateaholic’ had gone live earlier in the week and she’d made Alfie’s coffee shop the location for her book launch party.
There were pink balloons attached to the walls, posters of the front cover hanging up and she’d even done some local marketing, in the hope that some of her readers would drop by.
Alfie, coffee shop owner, looked over at the table of writers. He had assumed that on such a joyous occasion, like a book launch, everyone would be in high spirits and pleased for their writer friend. This was not the case. Whilst Darcy sat at the table beaming with pride, the other writers huddled over their drinks with gloomy expressions.
He walked over and placed a plate of special cookies on the table.
‘Here you go, enjoy!’ said Alfie, hoping the cookies would put a smile on their faces.
Darcy pulled the plate towards her. ‘Shall we save these for my readers?’ she asked.
A few writers nodded.
‘I don’t like book launch parties’ whispered Moira, the romantic fiction writer to Karl, the comedy writer.
‘I know what you mean’ whispered Karl.
‘I wish she [Darcy] would stop gloating about her book’ hissed Tina, the thriller writer, leaning over to join the private conversation.
Tina had returned to the Writing Club after spending a week locked away in her attic, in an attempt to research how her main character would feel being kidnapped and held prisoner.
‘How are you Tina?’ asked Matt, Writing Club leader.
‘I’m not great’ Tina said, her voice thick with emotion. ‘Keith, my boyfriend told me he had one of the best weeks of his life, whilst I was locked away upstairs’ she said hanging her head.
‘I bet you got loads of writing done on your new book’ said Karl.
Tina grimmaced. ‘Not really Karl. I spent most of my time on Twitter and eating biscuits. My nerves were bad!’
‘It was hardly a terrifying ordeal Tina’ said Darcy, whilst checking her phone.
‘Actually Darcy it was. As the week went on Keith forgot about me. When he did bring me a meal he was really moody and quick to lock me up afterwards’ she said, shaking her head.
‘I am sure you got some valuable book insight from it’ reassured Moira, reaching over to give Tina’s arm a squeeze.
‘The only insight I got was that my boyfriend throws loud parties and cannot be relied upon to bring me meals at set times!’ Tina snapped.
‘I want to shake Keith by the hand’ whispered Karl to Richard, the military writer.
‘I am hoping some Dateaholic fans will show up soon’ announced Darcy scanning the door to Alfie’s Coffee Shop, as three older men walked in. She watched as they went to the counter to order some drinks.
‘Will we instantly recognise the readers of Dateaholic when they enter?’ asked Karl, looking around.
‘The readers of Dateaholic are going to be young, glamorous, single women who like a giggle and love socialising’ gushed Darcy, excitedly clapping her hands.
‘I think we have a good discussion topic here’ said Matt. ‘Do we all know what our readers look like?’
‘Why do you think your readers are going to be young, glamorous single women Darcy?’ asked Stacey, the horror reader.
‘My book is about an attractive girl’s dating obsession. I can’t see it appealing to…’ she paused and surveyed the coffee shop. ‘Older men’ she continued, noticing that Alfie’s Coffee Shop was now full of a large group of middle aged men.
‘It appeals to me’ said Karl.
‘Not funny Karl!’ snapped Darcy.
‘My readers are mostly gamers and students’ announced Stacey. ‘I know this because I chat to them a lot on my blog.’
Tina gasped. ‘You actually interact with your readers?’
‘Yes – don’t you?’ replied Stacey.
‘I wouldn’t dream of doing that!’ said Tina. ‘They might say something bad about my last book series!’
‘You might find it useful Tina’ said Matt, trying to be helpful.
Tina rolled her eyes at him.
‘They are not going to tell me what I don’t already know – my sequel was priced wrong!’ Tina snapped.
All the writers turned to stare at Tina in surprise.
‘We know our book readers, don’t we Tina?’ exclaimed Darcy, glancing at her writing friend. It was then she noticed traces of cookie around Tina’s mouth. Darcy’s eyes flicked to the plate of cookies, being kept for her readers. Half were missing.
‘Tina!’ Darcy shrieked, pointing to the plate.
‘I couldn’t help it!’ said Tina. ‘I keep getting attic flashbacks!’
Alfie came over and looked at Darcy.
‘Your readers are waiting for you’ he said, pointing towards the throng of older men stood in the coffee shop.
‘They definitely look young, single and glamorous!’ said Karl, his voice tinged with sarcasm.
‘There must be a mistake’ said Darcy, frantically searching for her phone.
‘No’ said Alfie. ‘They have definitely bought Dateaholic. One gentleman wanted to know whether the author was as attractive as the woman in the book’
An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. Richard started to stir his tea, Moira inspected her lavendar jumper for bits of fluff and Tina polished off a cookie.
‘You better go meet your….fans‘ said Stacey grinning at Darcy.
Darcy let out a sob. ‘I wanted a readership of young glamorous women who were like me and who I could go out for a drink with!’ she said, before sniffing into a tissue.
‘I think they all want to take you out’ said Alfie. ‘Most are divorced and the gentleman in the corner says even though he still lives with his mother you won’t be disappointed.’
Darcy sobbed louder.
‘Shall I polish off the last cookie?’ asked Tina looking around the table.
‘I have never liked book launch parties!’ exclaimed Moira.
Alfie walked away shaking his head. These writers were never satisfied.
There will be more from the Writing Club next week. For more Writing Club tales please click here.
This was my entry into the Blog Battle contest. Run by the fabulous and awesome author Rachael Ritchey. If you want to enter this contest or read other entries please click here.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/38411862@N00/2865264091″></a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>