Welcome to my weekly comedy blog series ‘The Writing Club’

Each episode follows the emotional highs and lows of a local writing club, who meet in Alfie’s Coffee Shop every Thursday.

If you missed last week’s episode please click here.

Thursday

Alfie stood and watched the writers enter his coffee shop. At first he didn’t recognise Tina, the thriller writer, walking over to the writer’s table. After a second look he realised she possessed a radical new hairstyle. He sensed trouble and started to prepare the writer’s drinks.

‘Hello writers!’ said Matt, Writing Club leader. ‘Tonight we are just doing writing updates as I want to check up on how you are all getting on. Now Tina do you want to go first?’ he asked staring at the transformed Tina.

‘TINA?’ shrieked Darcy, her eyes fixed on Tina’s new pixie hair cut.

‘This is all part of my book research Darcy!’ announced Tina. ‘My main character cuts off her own hair whilst being held prisoner. I wanted to see what that felt like’ she said cheerfully.

An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. All writers and Alfie stared at Tina’s tufty new hair cut.

‘Does Keith like it Tina love?’ asked Moira, referring to Tina’s boyfriend and looking concerned at the severity of the new cut.

‘He doesn’t understand that a successful writer like myself will go to extreme lengths to research a book’ said Tina, letting out a sigh.

‘I am hoping all this insight will help your book?’ asked Matt.

‘I have enjoyed doing all this research’ said Tina. ‘I believe I have a bestseller on my hands and I have already started preparing myself for literary press interviews!’

‘Have you finished writing it? asked Karl.

‘No not started writing it Karl as I have been busy with other important stuff’ explained Tina. ‘Keith and I have been doing a spot of role play. He’s the literary agent and he’s begging, like proper begging on his knees, for me to work with him after reading my draft!’

‘I bet the long winter evenings are flying by in your house’ said Karl. 

‘Great!’ said Matt looking bewildered and turning to face another writer. 

‘Stacey how is your writing world of horror and zombies?’ he asked.

The blonde horror writer looked up from her notebook, held his gaze and smiled. Little did she know that every time she did this he melted inside. His eyes took in her delicate pink lips, cute button nose and sea blue eyes, housed under a thick black canopy of lashes. For a moment he felt a bit wobbly.

‘I have started a podcast!’ announced Stacey with a huge grin.

‘Wow!’ exclaimed Matt, his heart flipping over inside his chest.

‘I have recorded one of my horror stories and turned it into a weekly podcast’ said Stacey, beaming at the other writers around the table.

‘That is so cool!’ said Darcy. ‘Does it have a name?’

‘Its called ‘Head Eaters‘ and I have hired some student actors to act it out?’ exclaimed Stacey.

An awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club.

Moira was the first to break the silence. ‘That sounds very….unique Stacey love’

‘I can tell you are all desperate to hear it’ Stacey said, pressing play on her iPad and not noticing Alfie covering his ears.

A minute into the podcast and Alfie’s coffee shop was filled with the sounds of piercing screams, blood curdling moans and dying whimpers. Whilst Stacey sat with a dreamy expression on her face every other writer was urging Matt to turn it off.

Eventually the podcast ended.

‘Good grief!’ exclaimed Richard, the military fiction writer, shaking his head at Stacey. ‘It’s a good job Mission Control is coming to pick me up tonight. I feel very unsettled after listening to that!’

‘People actually download that?’ asked Karl the comedy writer.

‘Yep! The next part is out next week!’ sighed Stacey slipping her skull iPad case into her bag. ‘Having a podcast has really helped promote my blogs and books.’ 

Matt imagined himself romantically cuddling Stacey on a sofa whilst listening to her ‘Head Eaters’ podcast. He shivered and quickly looked at Darcy. ‘Ok Darcy, how is your new novel Date-aholic doing?’

Darcy smiled. ‘It is doing really well. I am so chuffed!’ she gushed.

Tina rolled her eyes.  ‘How is your older male reader fan club?’ she asked before biting into a large cookie.

‘I was a bit gutted last week when I realised my readers were not going to be an extension of my girlie friendship circle’ Darcy explained, twirling loops of her long hair around her finger.

‘Readers are readers’ said Moira. ‘Surely it doesn’t matter what they look like?’

‘Yes Moira but I wanted female readers who enjoy going for coffee, discussing clothes and having a laugh on social media. I didn’t think an older male readership could work for me’ explained Darcy.

‘At least you have readers!’ snapped Tina. ‘Some of us have written two books, published them on Amazon and still no sign of any readers!’

Another awkward silence descended upon the Writing Club. Moira silently handed Tina another cookie.

Darcy spoke first. ‘My older male readers are actually a bit of a giggle, I love their tweets; straight to the point and a little bit naughty!’ she gushed.

‘Will this change your dating preferences? Are you getting rid of the no man above twenty five rule?’ asked Karl with an excited look on his face.

Darcy grinned. ‘You are a mind reader Karl, I have ticked the next age profile box on all my dating apps!’ she squealed.

‘You have my number!’ said Karl giving Darcy a wink. ‘I am free anytime!’

Matt turned to Moira. ‘How are things going in the Romantic Fiction world?’

‘My debut book will be available soon’ giggled Moira. ‘It’s called ‘The Passionate Waiter’ and I am not saying anymore about the plot. I don’t want to give anything away!’

‘Ok Richard, any update from you?’ asked Matt, trying to stop gazing at Stacey.

Richard shook his head. ‘Mission Control’s birthday week so I’ve not been allowed in the writing cockpit’ he said, referring to his wife.

‘Karl any update?’ asked Matt.

‘Working on something new, I will reveal next week’ said Karl. ‘Can I just ask Tina something?’

Matt nodded.

‘Have you finished your book research now Tina? he asked.

‘I have one last piece of insight to get’ said Tina trying to swallow a large piece of cookie.

‘Can you share with us?’ asked Karl.

‘My book ends with my main female character overthrowing her captor and leaving him for dead in her attic prison’ she explained.

Moira reached over and gave Tina’s arm a squeeze. ‘Do you not think poor Keith has suffered enough these past few weeks love?’

For more Writing Club stories please click here. 

This was my entry into the Blog Battle competition, a fierce international fiction writing contest run by the one and only Rachael Ritchey. If you want to enter please click here and head over to Rachael’s blog. 

The word this week is hair.

The genre is comedy.
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