Heaven Calling – Part 4 #Comedy #Fiction #ASMSG

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Welcome to my comedy blog series – Heaven Calling.

This series is out every Thursday.

All previous parts can be found by clicking here. 

Blurb…

Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end after she discovered her husband Gerry was dating back on Earth. He’d spent two years grieving her. In Camilla’s eyes this was not long enough.

With her own team of angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel, some soothing harp music and God’s help, Camilla is certain she can influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates and get him back to mourning her.

Part 4 is below.

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Heaven Calling Blog Series – Part 3 #Comedy #Heaven #ComedyWriter 

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Welcome to my comedy blog series – Heaven Calling.

This series is out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore. 

For Part 1 – please click here.

For Part 2 – please click here.

Quick recap: Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end after she discovered her husband Gerry had started dating. He’d spent two years grieving her.

Two years felt a little short to Camilla. In view of her amazing wife skills she was expecting Gerry to grieve for at least twenty years.

With her own team of angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel plus God’s help, Camilla is certain she can influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates from heaven.

Continue reading

Heaven Calling – Part 2 Fictional Series #Comedy #Marriage #Dating

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Welcome to my weekly blog series – Heaven Calling.

This series is out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore.

For part 1 please click here.

Recap: Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end last week after she made a shocking discovery about her husband, Gerry. He’d decided to start dating after spending two years mourning her. Two years felt a little short to Camilla. In view of her amazing wife skills she was expecting Gerry to grieve for at least twenty years.

As she had a good working relationship with God and her team of angels, Camilla hoped they would be able to offer some assistance to her, in getting Gerry back to a state of mourning.

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How To Act Like A Writer With A Bad Cold #SundayBlogShare #WritersLife #Writer

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Have you ever wanted to know what it is like to be a writer?

Are you currently battling against a heavy cold?  Sneezing, coughing, shivering and feeling a bit grumpy?

Why not take this opportunity to act like a writer…. with a nasty cold?

The important thing to remember is that writers will still experience high levels of creativity whilst suffering with a heavy cold.

Here are my top tips on how to act like a writer with a bad cold:

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Heaven Calling – Part 1 New Fictional Series #Comedy #Chicklit #WomensFiction

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Welcome to my new weekly fictional series – Heaven Calling.  

Writing novels is hard and sometimes a writer needs to have a break. This is like a mini break for me. I miss creating a fictional blog series and getting the chance to write a new chapter each week.

This is meant to be a comedy but I am sat here wondering whether anyone will find it funny. If it tanks I will just have to write something else. Sigh.

It will be out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore.com.

Check out part 1 below.

I hope you enjoy getting to know Camilla and Gerry.

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14 Reasons Why We Love Reading Historical Fiction #SundayBlogShare #HistoricalFiction

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There is something magical about reading historical fiction. After interviewing historical fiction writer Evie Gaughan yesterday, I am taking a moment to celebrate historical fiction.

Here are the reasons why I think we love reading stories from this fabulous literary genre:

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The Diary of Roxy Collins – OMG He’s a Rat #romance #chicklit #MondayBlogs

 

 

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Saturday

8.45 A.M. Two things have come into my life; my ex-boyfriend Dan and my youngest son Toby’s new pet rat ‘Bob’.

I can’t say I am happy with the arrival of Bob and I can’t say my landlord Brian is thrilled either. However Bob has stopped Toby talking to his imaginary friend Malcolm. Big sigh of relief!

Brian, my 67 year old landlord, clutched his chest and went an odd grey colour at the sight of Toby’s new pet. I had no other choice but to leap into action and manoeuvre Brian out of the house before he thought too much about Bob. I promised him that Bob the rat will be properly cared for and will never be left unattended to roam free around the house.

Brian staggered off down the path muttering and shaking his head.

Just listening to Toby chat away to Bob in his cage. Its great for kids to have pets. Sigh!

8.47 A.M. I need to get a wriggle on and pack my overnight  case.

I am back with my ex Dan.

Jake and I were not really suited to each other. He seemed petrified of me the whole time. I never understood why. Dan is not scared. He likes my kind of crazy!

Dan is taking me away for the night to a fancy hotel. It is a chance for us to celebrate getting back together. Shaz, my best mate, says second time around relationships are great.

I am a bit nervous. I don’t know why but I always end up getting into some sort of drama at fancy hotels. In the past I have avoided them. Rob, my ex, refused to take me to a nice hotel as he said I would end up causing a scene.

Mystic Clive, my favourite astrologer, told me that I had to take a risk this week so I accepted Dan’s gift of a night away with him in a fancy hotel.

10.15 A.M. Still not packed my overnight case. Its lying open on the kitchen table, half full with an assortment of clothes and underwear. I can’t decide what to wear for a posh dinner in a fancy hotel so I am packing at least 4 outfits. Decision will be made later.

Arguing with Matilda, my teenage daughter, about her choice of outfit to the local shopping centre with her friends.

‘It looks like a belt [her skirt] Matilda!’ I shriek pointing in horror at the miniscule strip of denim around her waist.

‘Mam its called fashion!’ Matilda yells back at me.

‘You are NOT wearing THAT and those HUGE heels – NO!’ I scream back at her.

‘I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW!’ screeches Matilda.

‘Mam’ says Toby tugging at my arm.

‘Not now Toby’ I say striding after Matilda who is tottering towards the front door.

‘COME BACK HERE!’ I scream at her as she gives me a wink and opens the door.

‘Mam!’ urges Toby.

‘What?’ I snap, still glaring at Matilda.

‘Bob’s gone missing’ whispers Toby.

10.17 A.M. Time grinds to a halt as I flick my head to stare in horror at Toby.

‘Better dash Mam!’ says Matilda seizing her opportunity and slipping out of the door.

‘You promised me he wouldn’t escape’ I say to my nine year old.

‘He was anxious and needed a cuddle’ says Toby.

‘Toby he’s a RAT!’ I scream, ‘rats don’t suffer with anxiety!’

Speaking of anxiety here comes Brian, my landlord, up the path. OMG!

10.19 A.M. Brian has come to fix the loo.

‘How’s the pet Toby?’ he asks as he starts to climb the stairs.

‘He’s asleep in his cage’ I say quickly.

10.23 A.M. Toby and I are on our hands and knees searching the conservatory, whilst calling ‘Bob!’

10.32 A.M. Brian, the landlord wants to see Bob in his cage in the conservatory. My whole body is trembling. If he finds out there is a rat loose in the house the kids and I could be finding another place to rent.

Time for Roxy the actress to make an appearance!

‘Oh Brian I don’t feel very well’ I say putting my hand to my forehead.

‘You do look a bit peaky’ says Brian looking concerned.

‘Think I need to sit down’ I say slumping into a chair, whilst praying Brian will leave the kitchen and not go out into the conservatory to see the empty cage.

I place my head in my hands for maximum impact.

‘Good grief – what is that?’ exclaims Brian.

I can feel the blood drain from my face as I lift my head up, half expecting him to have found Bob the rat in the kitchen.

Brian is stood clutching his chest, looking an odd shade of grey and staring at my overnight case.

To my relief its just my choice of underwear hanging out of the case.

For the second time in a week I quietly manoeuvre my landlord out of my house and watch him walk down the path muttering and shaking his head.

11.10 A.M  Brian has left. We still haven’t found Bob the rat.

Toby is crying at the kitchen table.

Harry my other son is on the floor in the kitchen, waving bits of lettuce and shouting ‘BOB!’

2.00 P.M. Still no sign of Bob the rat.

We have been around the house shouting ‘Bob’. I haven’t even had chance to question whether rats answer to their name.

Toby and Harry are being led away snivelling by their father Rob.

3.00 P.M. Dan is outside in the car. I am off for a fancy night in a hotel.

As we pass Brian in his garden I give him a little wave and he looks away.

4.00 P.M. Whilst Dan is getting our room key I decide to head for the bar. I need a little glass of wine to take the edge off my frazzled mental state.

It has been an emotional day with Matilda’s skirt choices and the disappearance of Bob the rat.

I am also worried about my night in this beautiful hotel. It seems far too posh for me and there is always drama where I am concerned.

If anything goes wrong I will blame Mystic Clive.

4.10 P.M. Dan has joined me in the hotel bar. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and asks me whether there is anything wrong.

I explain that things never go right for me in posh hotels. Dan gives me a cuddle and tells me that we will have a wonderful night.

4.15 P.M. My phone bleeps. Its Rob, my ex, telling me that Toby is inconsolable about Bob the rat.

Here comes the mother guilt. I am sat drinking wine with handsome man whilst youngest son is having a breakdown about a lost pet!’

7.23 P.M. Doing my makeup in our hotel room. Dan has already commented how beautiful I look in my dress. He looks very handsome too.

I am stood in the bathroom trying to recreate Kim Kardashian’s contouring look but failing miserably.

‘Good grief what is that?’ screeches Dan from the bedroom.

I groan. What is it with men and my choice of underwear?

Why can’t a girl (woman in her thirties) have nice….colourful…tiny underwear garments?

I drop my makeup brush and race out of the bathroom. Dan is stood white faced by the door.

My eyes fall upon Bob the rat, sticking up out of my case and sniffing the air.

‘OMG it’s BOB!’ I scream!

‘What?? You know the RAT sticking it’s head out of your knickers ROXY?’ shrieks Dan.

I blame Mystic Clive for everything.

 

For more Roxy please click here

 

When Should You Disturb a Reader? #bookaddict #booklover #reader

 

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When is the right time to disturb someone who has their head stuck in a good book?

If you interrupt a reader at the wrong time it can lead to:

  • An uncomfortable atmosphere.
  • A glare.
  • A snarl.
  • Muttering under the breath.
  • An angry outburst.
  • Your reader forming some bad thoughts about you in their head.

Don’t panic because here at Blondewritemore we have the answer to this difficult question.

If you spot any of these warning signs then it is best to leave your reader alone:

  1. Your reader is engrossed in a book, amid a luxurious and peaceful setting, like the reader in the photo on this blog post. Don’t spoil a lovely reading moment by disturbing them!
  2. Your reader has gone on and on about how wonderful their book is and bored you silly with how it has taken them to new heights of reading enjoyment. Stay away and let them devour their book!
  3. Your reader is sat with their book, looking a little flushed, dabbing their sweaty brow maybe, biting their lip and occasionally looking up to see if anyone is watching them. Your reader is enjoying a naughty bit so leave them alone….(*Blonde writer pauses to gaze out of her kitchen window, with a dreamy expression on her face and reflect on the last naughty bit she read in a book*)
  4. Your reader keeps muttering the name of the book’s fictional character in their sleep and wakes early to do a spot of reading before work. Give this reader a wide berth – they have a crush on a fictional character and need to be left alone to work through their feelings.
  5. Your reader is sat reading and as they turn the page they make a gasping sound and look shocked. This is not a good time to disturb them as they are in the middle of an exciting bit! Walk away!
  6. Your reader has been quiet for sometime whilst engrossed in their book. Being disturbed whilst deep inside a book can be harmful for a reader. Think of it like a diver coming up to the surface too quickly. Let your reader surface naturally!

 

Here are the signs that you want to be looking out for when thinking about interrupting your reader. These tell you that it is a good time to disturb:

  1. Your reader is yawning a lot and flicking through the pages quickly. They are struggling with the book so will welcome a distraction.
  2. Your reader has placed their book down and is rising from their chair. Go for it!
  3. Your reader announces that they have finished their book.
  4. Your reader can be heard criticizing the author, muttering under their breath and shaking their head a lot. The book has not lived up to their expectations and a break away from these negative thoughts is needed.

Finally, if you have to disturb your reader whilst they are engrossed in an amazing book, make sure you have good reason to!

The following are not good enough:

  • You want help unloading the dishwasher.
  • The house needs cleaning.
  • You have no clean clothes.
  • The kids won’t stop squabbling and the pets won’t stop being naughty.

Your reader is in a state of literary euphoria, leave them alone and….get on with the housework! Sigh!

Good luck on disturbing your reader!

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/87665752@N00/19893627208″>Holiday Relaxation</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

15 Reader Options to a Book Problem #bookaddicts #books #amreading

Book Reader Options

Imagine this:

You have reached the middle of a book that you have been reading and you don’t have a clue about what is going on. Somewhere along the line the author lost you and this has left you in a bit of pickle.

If someone quizzed you on what is happening with the plot or what the main character is doing you would:

  • Try to explain but give up.
  • Stare blankly.
  • Shrug your shoulders.
  • Say stuff like ‘I thought I knew what I was reading but now I don’t know!’
  • Exhale loudly.

So, what are your book reader options?

  1. Plough on and remain optimistic that all will become clear soon.
  2. Quit. Life is too short.
  3. Go back a chapter and see whether you can pick up any clues.
  4. Go back a couple of chapters or to the point where you lost sight of the plot.
  5. Start the book again. Only for the brave!
  6. Have a break from it. Put it down and go enjoy yourself. Hard to return once your enjoyment has ended.
  7. Read the blurb again whilst muttering “what the hell is going on here?”
  8. Phone / email / message / tweet a friend with ‘did you know what was going on in?’ [enter book name]
  9. Read the first bit of a book review. This is a bit sneaky but sometimes those helpful book reviewers can point you in the right direction. Just don’t read too much.
  10. Skip a chapter or two and see whether that helps. You can always go back.
  11. Read the last page, walk away and be done with it.
  12. Go make a strong coffee, come back and carry on reading. Let caffeine guide you through.
  13. Study the cover and title for any clues.
  14. Check the genre again and try to get into the genre zone!
  15. Go have a nap and see how you feel when you wake up.

Let me know if there are any other reader options out there!

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30192212@N03/6800908213″>Selfie (II)</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

When You Let Your Characters Talk To You #writers #writerslife

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I have recently discovered something magical. Brace yourselves readers.

I am going to be honest with you. For most of last year (and the year before) I nodded my head and agreed with you all when you spoke about your characters talking to you during the writing process. I was like ‘yes of course mine do that too!  (cue blonde writer’s ‘telling a little white lie’ face).

Then one day, not so long ago, I was busy writing and something magical happened. I let my characters speak to me. They actually started to talk – gasp! Whilst they chatted away I wrote down whatever they said or did.

It was like I had climbed into the passenger seat and given them the controls. It really was a wonderful experience and quite powerful too.

After I found myself in a state of, what can only be described as, literary hysteria – I raced around the house shouting ‘the people in my head actually spoke to me!!!’ (Cue some odd looks from loved ones and a couple of phone calls to a medical helpline) 

The secret was letting go. I allowed myself to relax and stopped trying to control everything on the page. This in turn led to my characters speaking to me.

Letting my characters speak to me whilst I wrote benefited me in a number of ways:

  • Every character started to have a distinctive voice in my head and this followed through onto the page. Until this turning point all my characters had one dull voice. 
  • I was able to pick up on my characters individual mannerisims and behaviours, something which I have not done before.
  • I connected with my characters on a deeper level. 
  • I became emotionally attached to my characters. 
  • I allowed them to work their way out of problems. This is interesting as these fictional folk can do this if you let them.

I can now relate to Shirley Knight’s quote:

I just let the character speak to me and things appear – Shirley Knight

I can see the downsides of doing this:

  • Giving my characters too much control.
  • Finding it difficult to switch back to normal life once I have finished writing. Some of my characters think it’s ok to carry on talking once I have stopped writing – in particular my new handsome male vampire ones – sigh! 
  • Loved ones give you some weird looks once you start on this road. 

I will keep an eye on these whilst I enjoy my newfound skill.

Have your characters talked to you?

If so what has been your experience?

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/22144986@N00/4164756091″>True phone</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;