The decision to fall in love with a writer should NOT be taken lightly. Writers are strange and interesting creatures, who need to be handled with extreme care.
If you are on the verge of falling in love with a writer, please consider the following points below.
- You run the risk of being turned into a fictional character and potentially immortalised in one of their published stories or books. If you have an argument or split up whilst your love interest is writing their story or book, prepare to find your fictional self either being turned into an evil villain or even worse suffering a long-winded (several chapters) and gruesome death.
- Following on from the point above – all writers love research. Your love interest WILL take great pleasure in researching the different ways your fictional death could occur. God help your fictional self if you fall in love with a crime or horror writer!
- Your writer will ‘out write’ you when it comes to Valentine’s Day cards. Don’t think you can compete with their wordy wizardry.
- Your writer will point out all your grammatical errors in emails or texts. They won’t be able to stop themselves correcting you, its in their blood. If you try to correct anything they have written – prepare your fictional self for another painful and excruciating fictional death.
- They will never let you borrow ANY of their stationery.
- Your writer will be seen performing various rituals in the garden from time to time. These will include setting fire to their latest creation (when it doesn’t match their expectations), burying the second draft of their novel in a wooden box with a priest on hand (when all hope for it is lost), chanting out their literary crutch words over hot coals and doing a strange dance to release the bad spirits that come with literary rejection.
- Your writer will struggle to listen to you raving about a good book you have just read.
- You will be in constant competiton with imaginary folk.
- Your problems will never seem as bad as their literary ones.
- Pillow talk will include a critique of their latest work. Things will get awkward when your writer will urge you to give them some ‘constructive’ feedback. Say the wrong thing and you could find yourself shivering on the doorstep in your pjs.
- They will guard their freshly printed out manuscript with their life. Accidentally spill coffee over it and it will be like someone has unleashed a terrible monster.
- In order to find out why your writer is in a bad mood you will have to read through their 56,677 word draft novel to find out the root cause. Writers find it difficult to talk about their writing faults. Once you believe you’ve found the cause of their turmoil…..think very carefully about how you handle this situation going forward. Emotional tightrope!
On the flip side you might:
- Get a book dedicated to you.
- Receive lengthy and descriptive love letters.
- Never get bored because a writer’s mood swings change daily (some hourly).
- Spend your life with someone who is determined to make the world listen to their stories.
Go fall in love with a writer today!
Have a great day!
As I am talking about love – the latest episode of my romcom podcast ‘The Diary of Roxy Collins’ is out. Listen to Roxy’s dating highs and lows over a strong coffee. You never know she might teach you a thing or two. Sigh!