Heaven Calling – Part 6 #RomCom #WomensFiction #ASMSG

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Welcome to my weekly blog series – Heaven Calling

Out every Thursday.

Blurb

Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end after she discovered her husband Gerry was dating back on Earth. He’d spent two years grieving her but in Camilla’s eyes this was not long enough.

With her own team of angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel, some soothing harp music and God’s help, Camilla is certain she can influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates and get him back to mourning her.

Brace yourselves for this week’s part! 

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Heaven Calling -Part 5 #Comedy #ASMSG #RomCom

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Welcome to my weekly blog series – Heaven Calling. 

Out every Thursday.

Blurb

Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end after she discovered her husband Gerry was dating back on Earth. He’d spent two years grieving her but in Camilla’s eyes this was not long enough.

With her own team of angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel, some soothing harp music and God’s help, Camilla is certain she can influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates and get him back to mourning her.

Read on to see what’s going on in heaven!

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Heaven Calling Blog Series – Part 3 #Comedy #Heaven #ComedyWriter 

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Welcome to my comedy blog series – Heaven Calling.

This series is out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore. 

For Part 1 – please click here.

For Part 2 – please click here.

Quick recap: Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end after she discovered her husband Gerry had started dating. He’d spent two years grieving her.

Two years felt a little short to Camilla. In view of her amazing wife skills she was expecting Gerry to grieve for at least twenty years.

With her own team of angel assistants; Anna and Gabriel plus God’s help, Camilla is certain she can influence the outcome of Gerry’s dates from heaven.

Continue reading

The Holiday #BlogBattle #flashfiction #comedy

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12.13 P.M. A wintry gust of wind and rain blows me into the travel agents.

12.14 P.M. I wearily plonk myself and all my bags of shopping down on the desk.

After sighing loudly I wipe away the hair from my eyes and listen to droplets of rain from my coat drip onto the desk.

A travel agent girl, with a golden tan and a colourful scarf looks me up and down. Her pretty blue eyes scan my damp hair, which is plastered to my face, my smudged eye mascara and sodden coat. She gives me a thin smile.

12.16 P.M. I break the silence and ask the girl whether she has ever watched the film ‘Shirley Valentine’.

12.17 P.M. The girl in the travel agents stares at me. There is now an awkward silence between us. I come to the conclusion quite quickly that she hasn’t watched the film and may have never even heard of it. She looks younger than me.

12.18 P.M. Launch into long and drawn out description about the 80s film ‘Shirley Valentine’; where the bored middle aged housewife ‘Shirley’ runs off to Greece in a moment of madness and goes on a wonderful holiday of self discovery.

12.19 P.M. I watch the travel agent girl stifle a yawn and shake her head at me.

I find myself wondering whether she was born after the film came out.

Her eyes glaze over as I give her some insight into what is going on in my life right now. This, I feel, will be useful for her when helping me choose a holiday.

  • My dishwasher is on the blink.
  • The brown stain on the kitchen ceiling turned into a leak overnight.
  • The cat has an unexplained limp.
  • The kids won’t stop squabbling.
  • My iron died last night, whilst I was ironing one of my work shirts. I have no more ironed clothes and my ironing pile is now bigger than Everest.
  • There is an ant outbreak in the utility room and no matter how much ant powder my husband puts down they still manage to survive. My husband and I are now suffering from ant paranoia.
  • My husband has confessed to falling in love with his new car, a black Jeep. He says he wants to spend more time alone with it.

12. 24 P.M. The girl in the travel agents with the golden tan and scarf nods at me. She thrusts a load of brochures at me.

She says that they have some great family package holiday  deals on at the moment.

I let out a silent scream in my head as she says “family package holiday”.

12.25 P.M.  I remind her again about the film premise of ‘Shirley Valentine’. Woman struggles with family life and has a moment of madness, running off somewhere exotic to find herself for a fortnight.

I ask her to take a good look at me and let me know whether she thinks I need to escape my life, for ten days, maybe a fortnight at a push. She stares at me without blinking.

Her hand reaches for the family holiday brochures.

I sigh loudly and remind her that I need to get away from my arguing kids, the army of marauding ants, have a break from competing with a black four by four jeep for my husband’s attention, the limping cat (who the vet thinks is a veterinary mystery), the huge pile of ironing, the dirty dishes and the drip drip of the kitchen ceiling.

She looks at her watch.

12.27 P.M. Feeling desperate I grab her hand and say that I need some ‘me time’, to get some sun on my chalk white skin, and do a little bit of self discovery, preferably with some handsome male bar owner (like Shirley).

12.28 P.M. The travel girl sighs, removes my hand and starts to type something into her computer.

12.29 P.M. She looks up from her screen and asks me whether I fancy trying out a new destination?

“YES!” I cry loudly, making everyone in the travel agents look round at me.

She has found somewhere new, apparently very quiet, with ‘a laid back ambience, an untouched landscape and guaranteed sun’.

In a fit of uncontrollable joy I race around her desk and hold open my arms for a warm embrace.

She refrains from entering my embrace.

I trudge back to my seat.

In my head I digest what she has just told me. This place sounds ideal. She tells me that there will be a lot of travelling involved to get to this ‘special new destination’.

1.09 P.M. I pay for my holiday out of my ‘Escape Fund’. This money has gone below the ‘housekeeping funds radar’ for months.

I tell the girl in the Travel Agents to watch ‘Shirley Valentine’ on DVD.

To my disappointment she looks away muttering something about it being a film for oldies.

Some time later..

So here I am!  The travel agent girl was right, the planet Mars is a special destination.

If you look closely you can see my space craft. Considering how bad I am at parking on Earth I am amazed I managed to land that thing in one piece.

It took an absolute age to get here. I was really frustrated as the space craft did not have Wi-Fi so I spent a LONG time being in a foul mood. As my husband will verify, being in a mood for weeks is nothing new for me.

I have brought my deck chair plus bucket and spade. There is no yellow sand, it’s all red sand here. Golden sand is so overrated!  Luckily I bought my reliable brand of suntan cream as this place is HOT.

My colleagues at work won’t recognise me when I return as my tan will be amazing. Have only sat out for a couple of hours and I am already an odd red colour.

A couple of issues with the Mars location. I can’t go on holiday without finding a few faults. I will be giving my feedback to the travel agent girl on my return:

  • I can’t get Wi-Fi here which is really annoying, so I cannot update my social networking sites.
  • There is no water feature like a pool or sea so I cannot make use of my new bikini, which I bought specially.
  • I could do with a gin & tonic but there are no bars.
  • This will be a trip of self discovery if I can’t update Facebook and have a little tipple on an evening!

Anyway having a great time on my ‘Shirley Valentine’ holiday.

The reception on the space craft’s radio is not great. Sadly I am struggling to hear my husband due to the bad signal. I did catch a couple of his ‘strong’ words in describing my impromptu holiday. Sigh!  I do hope the kids were not in ear shot.

There is a handsome American astronaut bobbing about over there in his suit.

I think my holiday of self discovery is about to start.

I am the modern ‘Shirley Valentine’ – Hurrah!

The End

These Blog Battles / short story contests are run by Rachael Ritchey so head over to her blog if you want to join in.

The word this week is Mars.

The genre: Comedy

I struggled this week. Had a writing related breakdown over the weekend and my blonde brain packed up. So I have had to recycle something I wrote at the start of the year for something else. Apologies to the Blog Battle judges…you are all amazing and dear to my heart! 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/21314915@N03/8361800765″>Holiday on Mars</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

10 Real Life Writer Pinning Situations #writer #Pinterest #amwriting

 

Real Life Pinning Situations

 

Here are some real life situations involving pinning on Pinterest

  1. Making Dinner

Loved One – “Where’s my tea?”

Me – “On a pin board. I pinned some images earlier. Do you want me to cook it as well?”

  2. House work

Loved One – “Can you finish the ironing?”

Mego upstairs, start ironing, have a break after five minutes and start to pin images about disliking housework.

 3. Time Management

Me – “I need to be more organised and stop wasting time on silly things”.

Go upstairs, lie on bed and spend hours pinning stuff about time-wasting and time management. Don’t get a chance to read them because I am too busy doing all the stuff I should have been doing whilst I was pinning. Sigh!

 4. Pets

Me“I think my beloved black male cat is deaf and blind as he acts like I don’t exist when he walks into a room”.

Sit on chair and tearfully pin images of healthy black cats.

 5. Bad Day

Me – “I have had a bad day!”

Nip upstairs to pin pretty and expensive sparkly stuff until mood improves.

 6. Writer

Me“I think I want to kill off my dull character but I don’t know how to do it?”

Reach for Pinterest and spend hours pinning stuff about different ways a writer can kill one of their characters.

Once finished pinning decide that the character can live another day.

 7. Fictional Crushes

Me – “I am going through a phase in my life where I find Elvish men attractive”

Stop washing up. Go lie on sofa and pin random pics of hot Elvish men.

 8. Marriage

Loved One“What are you doing?”

Me – “Pinning”

 9. Writer

Me “I think I am going to quit writing”

Reach for Pinterest app and start to pin images about not quitting and how quitting is for losers.

 10. Random

Me “OMG someone has turned all my favourite one liners into pop art”

Start filling up board with random pop art images of faces saying “OMG” and “I just want to be a mermaid”

Happy Pinning!
For noting – if anyone fancies following me on Pinterest I am on as Blondewritemore 🙂

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/26542961@N07/6140209473″>Traverse City</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

The Blonde Creative Agony Aunt #Writer #Amwriting

 

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When I am not writing my debut novel I like to transform into a ‘Creative Agony Aunt.’

I help troubled writers resolve matters of the heart  using their writing skills. If you missed last week’s post please click here.

My qualifications for being a ‘Creative Agony Aunt’ are:

  • I like to talk a lot.
  • I like to give advice on things which I don’t know much about.
  • I consider myself to be a very creative person. (sigh!)
  • I care about my readers.

Here is the email from this week’s troubled Blondewritemore reader:

Dear Blondewritemore 

I think I might be a writer. For years I have ignored my love of words. I told myself writing wasn’t for me. Lately I have started to question who I am.

I like to write stuff in private and it feels so good. This is what I want to do. 

I am worried about the reactions from those around me when I break the news to them that I enjoy a spot of creative writing.

Is this normal to experience these feelings?

A frustrated dark-haired reader

 

Hello there frustrated dark-haired reader

Yes it’s all normal. When you come out as a writer you go through a number of stages. Let me explain:

1.Identity

This is where you start to question your identity as a non-writer. In your head you start to ask yourself “is this really me?” and “am I really a non-writer?”

Everyday you will find yourself longing for a white piece of paper and a pencil. Coffee shops and bookshops will start to entice you in. Characters will dance in front of your eyes and ideas for plots wake will you at 3am.

Again and again you question yourself “why am I thinking like this?” and then one day whilst standing in a shop queue it will hit you. “Oh my goodness I think I might be a writer!”

2. Internal Acceptance 

This is where you stop questioning yourself and accept the fact that you are a writer. A creative life is calling you. Every time you look in the mirror you find yourself saying “I am a writer!”

This is a huge step for you in becoming a proper writer.

You will then start to feel worried about how people around you will react. Telling someone that you are into creative writing is not easy. Creative writing conjures up so many different things in the minds of non-writers.

I think you are at this stage my friend.

3. Supportive friends 

This stage is where you seek out some supportive friends to tell first.

Sometimes its easier to admit “I am a writer” first to a circle of close friends then it is a loved one or parents.

Supportive friends will give you a hug, tell you that they always knew you were wordy and that they would love to read some of your future stories. Cherish these friends.

Unsupportive friends will laugh or tease. This may set you back a couple of steps but don’t give up.

4. Loved ones 

Telling loved ones is not as bad as you think it will be. Be prepared for a wide range of reactions. As I have said before creative writing can mean different things to some people.

Here are a selection:

  • “You are going to be the next J.K. Rowling”
  •  “Are you feeling alright love?”
  •  “Does this mean you are into Amateur Dramatics as well?”
  •  “Why?”
  •  “Isn’t Facebook enough for you?”
  •  “You have always had a way with words”
  •  “A bloke at work wrote a book…never read it”

 

5. The Change

This is the stage where you start to morph into a proper writer.

Your coffee intake will increase, your notebook collection will dramatically grow over the course of a week and you will find yourself staring into space a lot. You will start to consider setting up a blog so that you can talk to other writers and you will start daydreaming about bumping into literary agents in the frozen aisle of your local supermarket.

You will experience joy and elation as you start to write. There is no more secrecy and life feels good!

I hope you reach stage 5 my friend. Its not easy but I think you will get there.

Virtual hugs

Your Creative Agony Aunt

Blondewritemore

Next week this creative agony aunt helps a brunette writer come to terms with her first ever Steampunk dream.

 

Photo: Shutterstock

How some men and women differ in describing their daily actions? #writing #writers

My loved one recently announced that he was intending to ‘slip’ down the pub. (Whilst I was busy sitting through a painful three hour school musical performance – which he had cunningly managed to get out of).

My loved one’s use of the word ‘slip‘ was interesting. It was an unusual word to use in a sentence and I initially put his choice of word down to him being a bit tired. He then used it again the following evening but this time changing it slightly by using ‘slipping‘ i.e ‘I’m just slipping down the Indian Takeaway love’

Keen to understand my loved one’s mindset I looked up ‘slip / ‘slipping’ in the dictionary and amongst other definitions it said:

to move, go smoothly or easily; glide; slide.

As my loved one is in his early 40s, likes a pint or two and is prone to afternoon naps on the sofa, I would say that he does ‘glide’ / ‘move easily’ / ‘slide’ through his daily routine. It’s all very leisurely and casual. 

I on the other hand use the word ‘nip‘ to describe my actions. I nip up the shops, nip up town or nip to the butchers. Everything I do is done at pace. I am always hot footing it around the local area.

Keen to understand my own mindset I looked up ‘nip / ‘nipping’ in the British dictionary and amongst other definitions it said:

fast movement / dart. 

A lengthy discussion with some close female friends then took place. These close friends are of a similar age to me and share a lot of my views on the weird and wonderful ways of loved ones. 

The discussion with close friends concluded: we females nip through daily life whilst our male loved ones slip through daily life. 

I will say at this point that this could be to do with age of the loved one and length of marriage. 

My close female friends, like me, cover more ground on the household front and are faster on their feet too – hence their use of the word ‘nip’ in action based sentences.

Their loved ones, like mine, are more laid back, leisurely and slower in pace on the household front – hence their use of the word ‘slip’ in action based sentences.

Here are some real life examples that arose from our discussion:

Him

“I think I might slip down the pub love”

“Think I might slip down the rugby ground to watch the rugby love”

“Just slipping to Waitrose for some wine love” (posh supermarket)

Her

“Just going to nip to the shop as we are out of bread – back in a min”

“Just nipping the kids to school”

“Just nipping out in my lunch break to get some family essentials like washing powder and toilet paper”

 

Let me know where you stand on this interesting subject? 

Are you currently nipping to the shops? 

Or are you prone to a bit of slipping down the pub? 

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photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/95942851@N00/18288543″>walking</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

How To Survive Being Married to a Writer #Writer #WritersLife

How to Survive Being Married to a Writer

It’s not easy being married to a writer.

There are so many things you need to put up with. We don’t like to admit it but us writers can be hard work, here are some useful tips on how to survive living with a writer:

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How To Survive Being Married to a Blogger #Bloggers #BloggingGals

How to Survive Being Married to a Blogger

 

Photo Credit: StockSnap

1. Accept that writing a blog post is more important to your blogger than:

  • Ironing
  • Dusting
  • Emptying the dishwasher
  • Cleaning kitchen cupboards.
  • Tidying the lounge

Not accepting this will lead to marital discord.

2. Accept that your blogger’s self esteem will become linked to their blog’s views, visitors, likes and comments.

3. Never ever comment or question the design of your blogger’s blog. This can be a minefield and you need to tread carefully.

Treat commenting on their blog design in the same way as you would do with commenting on their hairstyle or outfit.

4. Start to listen out for that magic ping of a blogging notification (a ‘like’ or a ‘comment’), bloggers usually cheer up after a ‘ping’ or two. So its best to ask them to do something for you like put a wash on, iron your shirts and tidy up after the kids…’post a ping’.

5. Accept that there will be times when your blogger is deep in ‘creative thought’ and disturbing them could result in them producing a poor blog post. During these creative times its best for you to keep a low profile and concentrate on keeping on top of the housework.

6. When going on a ‘date night’ with your blogger make sure they have access to Wi-Fi. They need to stay in contact with their blog at all times. If you view their blog like its their small child or pet you will not go wrong.

7. Accept that your blogger will bore you silly with their blogging achievements. Pillow talk may need to include an in-depth analysis of their worst performing posts. Caution – don’t give your opinions on what you perceive to be their worst performing blog post, this sort of behaviour will lead to marital discord. They are the expert on blogging now.

8. Accept that your blogger will have unrealistic blogging expectations. In their head they are weeks away from becoming a super pro blogger. Their stats will paint a very different picture.

9. Guest bloggers are like celebrities to your blogger.  Your blogger will shriek loudly and jump into the air when a guest blogger agrees to write them a post. This can happen anywhere; at home, supermarket, car park or the local shop. As soon as this happens you also need to jump into the air in celebration and perhaps then say that you feel a little bit light headed after hearing their earth shattering news.

1o. On a regular basis try to think about how hard it is for your blogger to maintain a successful blog. They are going through their own form of personal hell what with keeping on top of blog administration, making sure links are working, writing posts and checking their stats tool on an hourly basis. Go easy on them!

Happy Blogging all you bloggers 🙂