Heaven Calling – Part 2 Fictional Series #Comedy #Marriage #Dating

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Welcome to my weekly blog series – Heaven Calling.

This series is out every Thursday on BlondeWriteMore.

For part 1 please click here.

Recap: Camilla’s enjoyment of heaven life came to an abrupt end last week after she made a shocking discovery about her husband, Gerry. He’d decided to start dating after spending two years mourning her. Two years felt a little short to Camilla. In view of her amazing wife skills she was expecting Gerry to grieve for at least twenty years.

As she had a good working relationship with God and her team of angels, Camilla hoped they would be able to offer some assistance to her, in getting Gerry back to a state of mourning.

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10 Questions a Writer Might Get Asked At Christmas Family Gatherings #MondayBlogs #AmWriting

Over the Christmas period you might have to attend a variety of family gatherings. As a writer you can expect some interesting questions, about your creative life, from inquisitive relatives and family friends.

Here are 10 questions a writer might get asked at Christmas Family gatherings:

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How To Tell If Your Child Is Going To Be A Blogger #SundayBlogShare #BloggingGals #Bloggers

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Photo Credit: StockSnap.

Following on from my post ‘How To Tell If Your Child Is Going To Be A Writer,’ I thought I should do a post on how to tell if your child is going to be a blogger.

You might already believe your child  will be a future blogger, as they are a whiz on your tablet and can name all the main forms of social media.

But have you checked for the not so obvious signs?

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The Diary of Roxy Collins – OMG He’s a Rat #romance #chicklit #MondayBlogs

 

 

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Saturday

8.45 A.M. Two things have come into my life; my ex-boyfriend Dan and my youngest son Toby’s new pet rat ‘Bob’.

I can’t say I am happy with the arrival of Bob and I can’t say my landlord Brian is thrilled either. However Bob has stopped Toby talking to his imaginary friend Malcolm. Big sigh of relief!

Brian, my 67 year old landlord, clutched his chest and went an odd grey colour at the sight of Toby’s new pet. I had no other choice but to leap into action and manoeuvre Brian out of the house before he thought too much about Bob. I promised him that Bob the rat will be properly cared for and will never be left unattended to roam free around the house.

Brian staggered off down the path muttering and shaking his head.

Just listening to Toby chat away to Bob in his cage. Its great for kids to have pets. Sigh!

8.47 A.M. I need to get a wriggle on and pack my overnight  case.

I am back with my ex Dan.

Jake and I were not really suited to each other. He seemed petrified of me the whole time. I never understood why. Dan is not scared. He likes my kind of crazy!

Dan is taking me away for the night to a fancy hotel. It is a chance for us to celebrate getting back together. Shaz, my best mate, says second time around relationships are great.

I am a bit nervous. I don’t know why but I always end up getting into some sort of drama at fancy hotels. In the past I have avoided them. Rob, my ex, refused to take me to a nice hotel as he said I would end up causing a scene.

Mystic Clive, my favourite astrologer, told me that I had to take a risk this week so I accepted Dan’s gift of a night away with him in a fancy hotel.

10.15 A.M. Still not packed my overnight case. Its lying open on the kitchen table, half full with an assortment of clothes and underwear. I can’t decide what to wear for a posh dinner in a fancy hotel so I am packing at least 4 outfits. Decision will be made later.

Arguing with Matilda, my teenage daughter, about her choice of outfit to the local shopping centre with her friends.

‘It looks like a belt [her skirt] Matilda!’ I shriek pointing in horror at the miniscule strip of denim around her waist.

‘Mam its called fashion!’ Matilda yells back at me.

‘You are NOT wearing THAT and those HUGE heels – NO!’ I scream back at her.

‘I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW!’ screeches Matilda.

‘Mam’ says Toby tugging at my arm.

‘Not now Toby’ I say striding after Matilda who is tottering towards the front door.

‘COME BACK HERE!’ I scream at her as she gives me a wink and opens the door.

‘Mam!’ urges Toby.

‘What?’ I snap, still glaring at Matilda.

‘Bob’s gone missing’ whispers Toby.

10.17 A.M. Time grinds to a halt as I flick my head to stare in horror at Toby.

‘Better dash Mam!’ says Matilda seizing her opportunity and slipping out of the door.

‘You promised me he wouldn’t escape’ I say to my nine year old.

‘He was anxious and needed a cuddle’ says Toby.

‘Toby he’s a RAT!’ I scream, ‘rats don’t suffer with anxiety!’

Speaking of anxiety here comes Brian, my landlord, up the path. OMG!

10.19 A.M. Brian has come to fix the loo.

‘How’s the pet Toby?’ he asks as he starts to climb the stairs.

‘He’s asleep in his cage’ I say quickly.

10.23 A.M. Toby and I are on our hands and knees searching the conservatory, whilst calling ‘Bob!’

10.32 A.M. Brian, the landlord wants to see Bob in his cage in the conservatory. My whole body is trembling. If he finds out there is a rat loose in the house the kids and I could be finding another place to rent.

Time for Roxy the actress to make an appearance!

‘Oh Brian I don’t feel very well’ I say putting my hand to my forehead.

‘You do look a bit peaky’ says Brian looking concerned.

‘Think I need to sit down’ I say slumping into a chair, whilst praying Brian will leave the kitchen and not go out into the conservatory to see the empty cage.

I place my head in my hands for maximum impact.

‘Good grief – what is that?’ exclaims Brian.

I can feel the blood drain from my face as I lift my head up, half expecting him to have found Bob the rat in the kitchen.

Brian is stood clutching his chest, looking an odd shade of grey and staring at my overnight case.

To my relief its just my choice of underwear hanging out of the case.

For the second time in a week I quietly manoeuvre my landlord out of my house and watch him walk down the path muttering and shaking his head.

11.10 A.M  Brian has left. We still haven’t found Bob the rat.

Toby is crying at the kitchen table.

Harry my other son is on the floor in the kitchen, waving bits of lettuce and shouting ‘BOB!’

2.00 P.M. Still no sign of Bob the rat.

We have been around the house shouting ‘Bob’. I haven’t even had chance to question whether rats answer to their name.

Toby and Harry are being led away snivelling by their father Rob.

3.00 P.M. Dan is outside in the car. I am off for a fancy night in a hotel.

As we pass Brian in his garden I give him a little wave and he looks away.

4.00 P.M. Whilst Dan is getting our room key I decide to head for the bar. I need a little glass of wine to take the edge off my frazzled mental state.

It has been an emotional day with Matilda’s skirt choices and the disappearance of Bob the rat.

I am also worried about my night in this beautiful hotel. It seems far too posh for me and there is always drama where I am concerned.

If anything goes wrong I will blame Mystic Clive.

4.10 P.M. Dan has joined me in the hotel bar. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and asks me whether there is anything wrong.

I explain that things never go right for me in posh hotels. Dan gives me a cuddle and tells me that we will have a wonderful night.

4.15 P.M. My phone bleeps. Its Rob, my ex, telling me that Toby is inconsolable about Bob the rat.

Here comes the mother guilt. I am sat drinking wine with handsome man whilst youngest son is having a breakdown about a lost pet!’

7.23 P.M. Doing my makeup in our hotel room. Dan has already commented how beautiful I look in my dress. He looks very handsome too.

I am stood in the bathroom trying to recreate Kim Kardashian’s contouring look but failing miserably.

‘Good grief what is that?’ screeches Dan from the bedroom.

I groan. What is it with men and my choice of underwear?

Why can’t a girl (woman in her thirties) have nice….colourful…tiny underwear garments?

I drop my makeup brush and race out of the bathroom. Dan is stood white faced by the door.

My eyes fall upon Bob the rat, sticking up out of my case and sniffing the air.

‘OMG it’s BOB!’ I scream!

‘What?? You know the RAT sticking it’s head out of your knickers ROXY?’ shrieks Dan.

I blame Mystic Clive for everything.

 

For more Roxy please click here

 

Tina’s Writer Diary – The Film Director #Writer #Comedy

 

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Tuesday

2.00 p.m. I am taking some deep breaths. Keith, my partner, is giving me some odd looks.

As film director of my book trailer video I am responsible for getting the most out of my actress; Melanie (Keith’s new darts partner from the pub) and creating a visual treat for my readers.

I consider myself to be a film expert, I may not have studied film making but I have watched a lot of TV box sets, have a monthly cinema pass and created a lot of unnecessary drama in my life.

A door slams downstairs and interrupts my train of thought. I notice Keith smile to himself.

“Who is that?” I ask Keith.

“It’s my mum” he announces, looking relieved about something.

I let out an inner groan. Keith’s mother, Pamela, always stifles my creativity. She is the last person I need on my makeshift film set.

Melanie squeals “I can’t wait to meet your mum Keith!”

2.03 P.M. Pamela is stood at the doorway to the attic, carrying a plastic tub of food.

“Some curried beef mince for you all!” she says, waving around the tub of brown gooey liquid.

“Hello Pamela, nice to meet you!” gushes Melanie, tottering over to Keith’s mother. “I am Melanie, Keith and One-eyed Bob’s darts team mate!”

Pamela smiles and then looks Melanie up and down taking in her pink stilettos, minuscule brown leather mini skirt, leopard print vest and bright red lipstick.

“Oh Pamela that looks nice!” squawks Melanie pointing to the tub of curried mince.

“It’s Keith’s and Tina’s favourite dish Melanie” gushes Pamela gesturing towards Keith and I. “I like to make sure they have a good supply!”

My neck and shoulders stiffen with Pamela related agitation. When God was handing out culinary skills Pamela was not at the front of the queue. It was a dark day for us all when she stumbled upon the recipe for curried beef mince.

“Thanks and see you later Pamela!” I say pointing towards the door.

“Tina, Keith tells me you are making a film. If this is the case I need to be here!” announces Pamela, crossing her arms and standing firm.

“I think I can film my own book trailer video!” I say guiding Melanie over to the chair.

“Tina I am not leaving!” barks Pamela.

“Keith will you please escort your mother out of the house” I snap.

Keith ignores me and stares at something in the ceiling.

“Looks like I’m staying!” announces Pamela with a look of delight.

2.56 p.m. Melanie has been tied and gagged to the chair for sometime.

No matter how much I urge her to act like she is desperate to escape from the chair she insists on winking at Keith and giggling.

I am getting frustrated. Margaret the cat senses my annoyance and starts to prowl around Melanie’s chair. It makes no difference.

3.05 p.m. “Melanie” I say trying to remain calm. “This is not a comedy!”

3.34 p.m. “For goodness sake give me the camera!” screeches Pamela.

“Get off!” I shout as Pamela tries to grab my camera. “I am the film director Pamela!”

We tussle over the video camera for sometime.  Keith looks away.

“I am sick of watching this circus! Now get her out of the chair and go sit on it yourself!” growls Pamela, snatching the camera out of my hands.

3.42 p.m. I am being tied and gagged by Keith.

Pamela is holding the camera and smirking at me.

“Right then Tina” says Pamela, looking around the attic. “Let’s see whether we can make you angry!”

I squirm in my chair. My heart is beating fast.

What is that annoying woman going to do to me?

Pamela goes over to my draft novel ‘Beautiful & Kidnapped’, picks it up and starts to read.

Anger bubbles inside of me at the sight of Pamela turning over the page.

I watch Pamela’s smirk disappear. It is replaced with a look of intense concentration.

“This is quite good Tina..” she murmurs.

That is it! My rage erupts inside of me. I am sat in this silly chair, unable to move, and my annoying mother in law to be is reading my AMAZING new novel! Aghhhhh!

I knew it was a bestseller. No one has been listening to me. I know what I am doing when it comes to serious fiction.

I thrash about and try to break free from the chair.

“Bingo! This is the look we want!” shouts Pamela quickly pointing the camera at me.

3.51 p.m. I am seething! Pamela is busy reading my draft book whilst Keith is showing Melanie how to throw an imaginary dart.

The camera is still rolling.

3.56 p.m. “Mum do you think we should let her go now?” asks Keith.

Pamela is too engrossed in my draft novel to answer.

3.57 p.m. I am finally set free. I charge over to Pamela and grab my draft book out of her hands.

“That is sooooo good Tina!” gushes Pamela. “I want to read more about evil but incredibly handsome Frank!”

I roll my eyes and check the film.

Fair play to Pamela she has captured an emotional young woman struggling to break free from being tied to a chair.

“This is better than I expected!” I say watching Pamela smile.

Keith is still showing Melanie how to throw an imaginary dart. After catching Margaret the cat’s eye I escort Pamela out of the attic and close the door.

7.23 p.m. Today has worked out well. I am going to be starring in my own amazing book trailer and I have had some positive feedback from Pamela.

“I am in so much pain!” yelps Keith from the sofa. “That cat doesn’t like me. It will take weeks for the claw marks to heal!”

“Melanie escaped. She ran into the street screaming. How did you manage to get out?” I ask, thinking back to the secret enjoyment I got from watching Melanie totter at high speed out of my house.

“Mum’s tub of curried mince. I opened it and waved it at the cat. The foul smell made it pass out!” says Keith.

Photo: Stocksnap

 

When Should You Disturb a Blogger? #BloggingGals #writer #Bloggers

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This is a question which must bug the hell out of the loved ones of bloggers. I am so glad I am covering this vital subject.

If loved ones choose the wrong time to disturb their blogger they could face:

  • A growl
  • A snap
  • A sarcastic comment
  • A huge huffing and puffing fit
  • A blog post written about them.  For noting the loved ones of writers also run the risk of being baked into the writer’s novel, if they disturb and annoy them at a critical time. However novels take months to write and the writer will probably forget and delete at editing. With a blogger they simply press publish and smile sweetly.

Here are some situations when it is NOT advisable for a loved one to disturb a blogger:

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The Diary of Roxy Collins – The Great Kiss #ChickLit #BloggingGals

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Friday

2.05 A.M. My best friend Shaz has just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.

We are both in tears watching him being wrapped up in a white towel by a mid wife.

“He’s adorable Shaz,” I whisper, wiping away tears. “Just think he’s made entirely out of Snickers bars!”

“Thanks Roxy for being here with me,”says Shaz stroking her baby’s soft black hair.

“Hey that’s what best mates do,” I say, giving Shaz’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I don’t know what I would do without you!” croaks Shaz ,staring up at me with tear filled eyes.

Tears start to pour down our faces and a Midwife hands us a box of tissues.

2.56 A.M. I stagger out of the delivery room to find Brian, my landlord, asleep on a row of waiting chairs. I give him a nudge and he wakes looking startled.

When he heard that Shaz had gone into labour he and his wife Patricia leapt into action. Patricia sorted out my kids and Brian headed to the hospital. Even though he moans about me and my kids I think deep down Brian does care about me. He knows how important Shaz is to me.

“Well?” he asks.

“A baby boy!” I squeal.

“All well?” he asks.

“Perfect!” I say, as Brian holds open his arms and gives me a hug.

“Come on!” he says, “lets get you home.”

As we head towards Brian’s car I check my phone.

Two texts are waiting for me.

One is from my ex Dan. I gasp.

It reads ‘I I have made a big mistake Roxy, I love you!’

One is from Marcus. It reads “We need to talk. Hope Shaz and baby are ok!”

Stew over both texts in car on the way home.

9.05 A.M. Sat in work, in a dazed, almost surreal state.

Martin, my line manager, is on the phone to his mother as her bowel condition has flared up again.

I try to block out the details of Martin’s mother’s bowel condition and think about Marcus. He left the hospital shortly after we entered the Maternity building. Everything felt awkward.  Plus Shaz was screaming in pain.

I can’t get his words “I like rescuing you!” out of my head.

I glance up to see his office down the corridor and I can see him sat at his desk.

My phone bleeps. Its Dan telling me how sorry he is and how confused he’s been over Clara and I. Apparently he’s finally made his choice and its me. My heart sinks.

10.05 A.M. Marcus has left the office to go work from home. I casually overheard one of the personal assistants on the phone to someone.

I go back to his text. Maybe I should text him or phone him?

3.50 P.M. Martin let me leave early as I was struggling to stay awake at the desk.

Shaz’s labour was long and exhausting, not just for her but for me as well. Today I am feeling both physically and mentally drained. Plus my mind is full of romance issues.

Still no word from Marcus and I have made no attempt to contact him.

5.56 P.M. Lying on my sofa listening to Matilda tell me about how in love she is with this new boyfriend Matt. They have been friends for years although I have never heard her mention his name before.

Apparently in his spare time he does a lot of charity work, cares for sick animals, visits lonely old people in nursing homes and he has never had a proper girlfriend before. I am amazed that she’s found someone so….saintly.

“So can I go sleep at his house tonight then?” she asks, whilst filing her nails.

“No Matilda!” I say, before letting out a sigh. Sometimes I wish we could talk about something which doesn’t end in me saying ‘no’ a number of different ways.

“Why not?” she asks.

“Because you are not old enough to sleep over at a boyfriend’s house!” I say.

“But he’s such a caring person,” says Matilda, placing down her leopard print nail file to glare at me.

“If you told me he walks on water in his spare time it would still be no!” I say.

“He’s not interested in doing anything with me Mam if that’s what you are worried about!” shrieks Matilda. “He’s different! He just wants to read me romantic poetry!”

“No!” I say, placing a cushion over my head, hoping she’ll go upstairs.

I have had enough of this conversation and my teenage daughter.

7. 10 P.M. There is a knock at my front door.

Matilda and I are screaming at each other in the kitchen and the person at the door has to knock at a second time.

My daughter doesn’t give up on things. Once she gets an idea in her head she’s a nightmare.

I blame Jon, her father. Obviously this stubborness is nothing to do with me.

I storm off to the door and yank it open.

Stood on the doorstep is Dan clutching a huge bouquet of flowers and chocolates.

“I’m so sorry Roxy,” he says.

“What?” is all I can say. I stare at him.

“I made a silly mistake in that hotel room and I should never have let you go. Clara means nothing to me. I love you Roxy!” he says.

“But I don’t…..” I start to say.

“Please take me back Roxy! I will move down here and forget Clara” he begs.

“Roxy!” says a voice behind Dan. I look up to see Marcus coming up the path.

“Marcus!” I say with relief.

“I told you I like rescuing you” he says cheerfully.

Dan’s face falls and he stares at Marcus and then at me.

“I’m sorry Dan,” I say. “I’m not interested. Say hi to Clara for me won’t you? Come in Marcus!”

I close the door on Dan and stand looking at Marcus. My little hallway is a bit of a squeeze at the best of times but it feels even smaller tonight.

“I came to tell you that….” says Marcus and pauses.

“What?” I say, my heart thudding.

“I never recovered from that kiss by the photocopier a year ago. It was quite a kiss and I have not been able to get you out of my mind, ” admits Marcus, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

“Really?” I ask.

“When I saw you in the cinema I realised that I somehow had to be with you Roxy!” he whispers. “I quit my job because I wanted to be with you!”

I throw my arms around him and our lips come together.

“OMG that is gross!” shrieks Matilda from the kitchen.

Marcus grins and I sink into him.

“I am in love with you Roxy Collins!” he says, stroking my hair.

“I never forgot about that kiss either!” I say, gazing longingly into his sea blue eyes.

“You are quite a kisser!” he whispers.

“But I have kids and wobbly bits” I say.

“I don’t care, I just want to be with you Roxy Collins!”

9.08 P.M. Lying on sofa with Marcus. Happy. I have finally found my prince.

To be continued…

The Diary of Roxy Collins – Marcus – Part 29 #Romance #comedy

thediaryof

 

 

 

Thursday

9.15 a.m. Receive a mixed reaction from the office to my new vibrant red hair colour.

Martin, my line manager, takes one look at me, grips the desk and says ‘good grief Roxy what have you done!’

The nice men on the IT helpdesk give me a thumbs up and then ask me to fake an IT problem so they can spend time with me.

The young trendy girls in the office give me a ‘OMG – cooooooool hair!’

The older women in the office cast me a puzzled look and ask me whether the colour is permanent.

If I am honest, Wayne did get carried away with the colour of my hair. I was left speecheless when he gave me the mirror.

Matilda, my teenage daughter, arrived home from her Cheerleading training session, took one look at my hair and rolled her eyes. I then overheard her, later in her room, making a YouTube video titled ‘When your mother thinks she’s 21 again’.

9.25 a.m. Marcus, my senior manager, walks past my desk and gives me a smile. The weird fluttering sensation in my chest returns.

10.05 a.m. Receive text from Matilda, my teenage daughter, asking whether she can stay over at her new boyfriend Matt’s house tonight.

I am not sure whether Matilda thinks that I am suffering from amnesia. I have been saying no to this request for months. This is not happening. She’s not staying over at a boy’s house!

I text back ‘NO!’

Text back from Matilda ‘relax Mam, it is just like a girlie sleepover but with a boy!’

I text back ‘NO!’

Text from Matilda ‘Lou [her best friend] says her Mum would let her stay over with a boy’

I text back ‘I am not Lou’s mother!’

Text from Matila ‘Matt and I both hate you!’ and eight devil emojis.

10.20 a.m. Sat in a meeting where Marcus is presenting some business statistics.

All the department are sat on chairs in rows. Some of us are listening, some are nearly asleep (Mike from Finance), some are bored rigid, some are staring out of the window and some of us are drooling at Marcus.

For some unknown reason I can’t take my eyes off him; his fitted pink shirt, his grey pin stripe trousers and his styled grey flecked hair.

10.24 a.m. He’s still talking but I have noticed the occasional glance in my direction from him.

10.25 a.m. He’s done it again. Looked at me from across the room.

I am so glad no one else  has noticed this.

I am tapped on the shoulder, from behind, by Helen from Accounts. ‘Why does Mr Hot keep staring at you?’ she whispers.

I shrug my shoulders and keep my eyes firmly fixed on Marcus.

‘Maybe he likes your new hair colour’ Helen whispers, making me nod in agreement.

‘Maybe he fancies you!’ she whispers into my ear. The idea of Marcus being attracted to me starts to take shape. I am consumed by the fluttery sensation in my chest again and I can feel my cheeks heating up.

In an instant my brain runs through how our wedding day will look and whether or not I will invite anyone from the office to the evening celebration.

‘He’s a senior manager Roxy’ Helen whispers. My fantasy starts to crack.

‘Unlucky honey – he couldn’t date you anyway in his position of authority’ she hisses.

I turn around to glare at her face which is taut and twisted.

Helen has never really moved on from the blonde surfer who broke her heart. She hates to see anyone else getting some attention from the opposite sex.

My fantasy with Marcus is broken.

He gives me a look and I smile. The daydream was nice whilst it lasted.

For the record if I did get married Helen from Accounts will not be invited to the evening celebration.

10. 34 a.m. Get back to my desk and see email from Marcus. He wants to me come to his office as he has an update for me.

10.36 a.m. As I walk towards his office my phone bleeps. I casually peek at it and gasp. Its from Shaz, my heavily pregnant best friend.

‘I have pains – think its labour’ Shaz texts.

Quickly I text back. ‘You are four weeks early. Its probably Braxton-Hicks’

‘It hurts’ texts Shaz. She also includes eight crying emojis.

‘How many Snickers bars have you had?’ I text back.

‘Ten – why?’ texts Shaz.

‘Stop eating Snickers bars!’ I text back.

‘Are you still going to be my birthing partner?’ texts Shaz.

‘Yes – always – get some rest!’ I text back.

10. 37 a.m. I sit opposite Marcus and I can’t stop the fluttering sensation in my chest. It must be my breakfast repeating on me.

As he is on the phone I check my bag for some indigestion tablets. I don’t have any so I pop a mint.

10. 50 a.m. He finally puts down his phone and holds my gaze.

‘Roxy’ he says in his sexy smooth voice. I notice that his sea blue eyes are not sparkling today.

‘I am leaving the company’ he announces.

My heart sinks.

For a moment we both sit and stare at each other.

My phone starts ringing.

I let my phone ring. A lump has risen in my throat. I am actually sad to hear Marcus’s news.

‘There will be a formal briefing later. I wanted to tell you myself’ he says, breaking eye contact and shuffling some folders around his desk.

My phone starts ringing again from inside my handbag.

‘I am so sorry Marcus’ I say, trying not to cry. It is not good for your career to cry when a senior manager says they are leaving. All emotion must be kept to a minimum. I just hope I am not asked to sign his leaving card. I struggle with writing comments on leaving cards as my emotions run wild. I have been known to give people the wrong impression. Kevin from Accounts, who left the company, still thinks there is something between us six years on.

My phone will not stop ringing.

‘I think it is my daughter calling to tell me she hates me’ I moan, praying that whoever it decides to stop calling. I just hope Matilda has not taken it upon herself to accept Matt’s invitation of a sleep over and is now calling to tell me.

It will not be the first time that I have to physically remove her from a boy’s house. These teenage years are really hard.

Matilda seems to be a magnet for boys. I think we need to have a mother and daughter heart to heart.

‘i just wanted to say….’ he pauses. He takes a breath and looks away.

‘I will miss you’ the words fly out of my mouth and take me by surprise. I do struggle when my brain and mouth decide to disconnect.

His eyes widen and I watch his mouth fall open.

My phone is ringing. This has to be an emergency. I just hope Matilda is not over at Matt’s house having her own version of a sleepover…during the day.

I check the screen. Its Shaz. Quickly I answer it.

‘I need to go to the hospital Roxy, the pain is really bad’ groans Shaz.

‘Marcus’ I say. ‘I have to go, my best friend thinks she’s in labour and I am her birthing partner’

Marcus looks shocked and runs his hand through his grey flecked hair.

‘Isn’t the father about?’ he enquires.

‘Sadly not, he doesn’t want anything to do with her. It is a long story. He’s a postman’ I explain.

‘Do you have a car?’ he asks.

I shake my head. ‘I will get a taxi’ I say reaching for my purse.

‘Let me help you’ he says, rising from his chair and grabbing his jacket.

Now it is my turn to be shocked.

‘But you are the senior manager’ I say grabbing my bag.

‘I am leaving Roxy’ he says, whilst giving me a huge smile.

11.30 a.m. Marcus is driving at pace through town and towards the hospital.

Shaz and I are in the back of his Jaguar. I am holding Shaz’s hand whilst she groans and mumbles ‘Snickers bar….someone get me a Snickers Bar…help me!’

He keeps catching my eye in the mirror.

I am nervous for Shaz but I am consumed once again by this fluttery feeling.

11.40 a.m. Marcus and I are pushing Shaz in a wheelchair, up to the Maternity section of the hospital.

‘You didn’t have to do this!’ I shout as we race along.

‘I like rescuing you Roxy’ he says and turns to look at me.

We both stop pushing the wheel chair and stare at each other.

The world around us seems to stop.

All I can hear is the thudding of my heart.

‘Really?’ I ask.

‘That’s all I want to do’ he says, holding my gaze.

‘OMG Roxy I am in labour and you are on the bloody pull!’ shrieks Shaz.

 

 

The Diary of Roxy Collins – Tears In The Loo #romcom #Chicklit

thediaryof

 

Wednesday

3.16 P.M. I am creeping out of the ladies toilet with red puffy eyes and a handful of tissues.

Just had an emotional breakdown in the loo over:

  • Dan going back to Clara.
  • Being thirty something with three kids, two ex partners, living in a shabby rented house and no sign of Prince Charming.
  • My weight. My wobbly bits are getting bigger. No man is going to find me attractive  and no man is ever going to fall in love with me.
  • Coming to the conclusion that I am a lost cause.

3.18 P.M. Had to nip back into the toilet and go hide in a cubicle as the tears returned. I need to pull myself together. All this upset over a man, my life and my wobbly bits.

I believed Dan when he said Clara was out of his life. I took his word and in my head planned out a wonderful future for us. He betrayed me.

3. 20 P.M. I am once again creeping out of the toilets. By the time I get back to my desk upstairs my eyes will have gone back to normal and no one will know that I have been crying in a toilet.

Keep repeating ‘I must get a grip of myself!’

3. 21 P.M. Turn corner in corridor and bump smack bang into Marcus, my senior manager. The one who I kissed over a photocopying machine at a Christmas party last year and the one who saved me in the cinema from my vampire date, a few weeks ago.

Avert eyes to the floor.

‘Are you ok Roxy?’ he asks softly.

This is the worst thing anyone can say to me when I am trying to stop being emotional.

I can’t hold it back.

Here it comes. A huge wave of tears, loud sobbing, inability to get my breath and a runny nose.

3.24 P.M. Marcus has escorted me to a quiet area of the staff canteen. He’s cancelled his meeting and has gone to buy me a coffee.

I am sat telling myself to get a grip. Crying in front of senior management is basically like hailing a ‘career taxi!’

3.27 P.M. Marcus has amazing blue eyes. He’s talking to me and I am distracted. Why haven’t I noticed these before?

Oh yea – I was drunk at the Christmas party and we have both been avoiding each other ever since.

Make decision in head not to go into detail about the reason for my upset. I must remember he’s a senior manager and he doesn’t need to know about my problems.

3.31 P.M. Ok so I am now telling him everything. All the stuff with Dan comes out, my fears of being a spinster and my wobbly bits.

Oh God I have just told my senior manager I have wobbly bits that are getting bigger!

3.35 P.M. Marcus is being sweet. He says that I am bound to find someone else and that I need to stay positive.

3.36 P.M. Just asking him how his dating life is going. I think it’s fair that he gives me an update too.

All the females in the office know Marcus is on the dating apps. He is so attractive for an older man.

We all sit and talk about what we would do if someone like Marcus liked or winked at us on a dating app. The majority of single women in the office reckon they would wet themselves in shock and a small minority say that they would run out into the street screaming.

3.37 P.M. His dating life is not going very well. It hasn’t been doing that well for over a year he says, looking at me with those sparkling blue eyes.

3.38 P.M. He says there is someone he has his eye on but its complicated. There would have to be some changes in his life and he’s not sure whether that person feels the same way.

3.39 P.M. I watch his lips move as he tells me about his feelings for this person.

For a moment I am back against the office photocopier kissing him like crazy whilst printing out 100 stapled copies of some poor junior’s report.

3.45 P.M. Walking back to the office. Marcus has left me as he has a meeting.

As we parted in the corridor there was a weird silence between us. I can’t explain it but it was like he wanted to tell me something but couldn’t find the words.

I thanked him for the coffee and made no photocopying offers.

7.56 P.M. Having my hair done in my lounge by Wayne my mobile hairdresser.

I am sat eating a huge bar of chocolate whilst Wayne eradicates my grey hairs and makes me a brighter shade of red.

This is what you do after a relationship falls apart; dye your hair and eat chocolate.

My wobbly bits are a lost cause. I might as well enjoy myself.

‘So Roxy tell your Uncle Wayne everything!’ says Wayne, whilst performing some hair magic using some bits of foil and a foul smelling substance.

I download everything about Dan and I.

‘Nasty business. I wouldn’t have trusted him with that Clara woman’ says Wayne, shaking his head in disapproval.

‘Thanks Wayne’ I say, before wedging a huge chunk of chocolate into my mouth.

‘So when are you getting back on the dating apps?’ asks Wayne, grinning at me.

‘I don’t think I am destined to be with someone’ I say, letting out a sigh and reaching for more chocolate.

‘Rubbish Roxy!’ snaps Wayne, tapping me on the hand as though I am a naughty child stealing chocolate.

‘You are a beautiful and vivacious red head. It would be a waste, a travesty  if you were left on the shelf!’ he cries.

‘I don’t think I can face another relationship’ I moan, feeling tired at the thought of getting close to someone else and being heartbroken again.

‘Nonsense!’ barks Wayne. ‘Get out your phone now, log in and we can have a little nose at who is out there!’

‘No Wayne I can’t!’ I whimper, feeling tears prick my eyes.

Wayne stops fiddling about with my hair and bits of foil. He stands directly in front of me with his hands on the hips of his silver metallic jeans.

‘Excuse me Roxy!’ he screeches. ‘You are NOT giving up on love! Your hair is going to look amazeballs  and you are one hot lady!’

‘I am destined to be a spinster!’ I cry.

‘You will be if you don’t stop snivelling and get back out there Roxy, now come on where is your fighting spirit?’ cries Wayne, glaring at me.

I reach across to the coffee table and grab my phone.

Wayne squeals as I open up my favourite dating app.

Marcus is staring back at me from the dating app. His profile is on my list of suggested dates.

‘Whoa who is that hunk?’ asks Wayne staring over my shoulder. ‘My goodness he looks just like George Clooney!’

‘That’s …Marcus…my senior manager’ I say feeling an odd fluttery sensation inside my chest.

‘You are one lucky girl working for him!’ says Wayne before letting out a sigh.

I find myself gazing into Marcus’s eyes and wondering whether he remembers our kiss.

 

There will be more from Roxy next week.

She’ll be coming to an end soon as I need to turn her into a book and a podcast!!

Yes folks I have plans to make Roxy into a comedy podcast.

I will keep you all updated. 

Photo: Shutterstock

 

How To Be Romantic With A Writer #AmWriting #writer #ValentinesDay

 

how-to-be

Here are some great hints and tips on how to be romantic with a writer.

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